Bread is dangerous!!!!!!

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King Darkness

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[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]Research on bread indicates that:

[/FONT] 1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!

6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.
7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

Please fellow freaks be aware of the dangers of bread, and warn famlily and friends!!!!
[/FONT]
 
:fireworks :fireworks :fireworks

Being someone who has been secretly allergic to bread most of my adult life, I say bravo! It's about time it was said! :lol :rotfl :D
 
King Darkness said:
[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]Research on bread indicates that:

[/FONT]
10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.

[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]

Please fellow freaks be aware of the dangers of bread, and warn famlily and friends!!!!
[/FONT]

:rock :rock :rock :rock
messer_gabel.gif
 
King Darkness said:
[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]Research on bread indicates that:

[/FONT] 1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!

6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.
7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

Please fellow freaks be aware of the dangers of bread, and warn famlily and friends!!!!
[/FONT]

Well, mostly all of these people also wear clothes.....whats the suppese to mean?
 
Why, these truths are shocking. How could our society be so blind? We must end this slaughter before all of us fall victim to the causes of bread! Not only that, 100%, ONE HUNDRED PERCENT of ALL bread eaters will eventually DIE--ALL of them!!! Anybody!

This must stop. Cease the madness! Stop bread eating today!

Well, after Thanksgiving anyway...
 
You think bread is bad?

PICKLES WILL KILL YOU! READ ON!!

Pickles will kill you. Every pickle you eat brings you nearer to death. It is amazing that the modern thinking man has failed to grasp the terrifying significance of the term "in a pickle," and although leading horticulturists have long known that Cucumis Sativus possesses indehiscent pepo, the pickle industry continues to expand.

Pickles are associated with all the major tragedies of the body. Eating them breeds wars and terrorist attacks. They can be related to most airline tragedies. Auto accidents are caused by pickles. There exists a positive relationship between crime waves and consumption of this fruit of the curcurbit family.

For example:

Nearly all sick people have eaten pickles. The effects are obviously cumulative.
99.9% of all people who die from cancer have eaten pickles.
100% of all soldiers have eaten pickles.
96.8% of all terrorists have eaten pickles.
99.7% of the people involved in air and auto accidents ate pickles within 14 days preceding the accident.
93.1% of juvenile delinquents come from homes where pickles are served frequently.

Evidence points to the long term effects of pickle eating:
  • Of the people born in 1879 who later dined on pickles, there has been a 100% mortality rate.
  • All pickle eaters born between 1879 and 1939 have wrinkled skin, many have lost most of their teeth, have brittle bones and failing eyesight -- if the ills of eating pickles have not already caused their death.
  • Even more convincing is the report of a noted team of medical specialists: rats force-fed with 20 pounds of pickles per day for 30 days developed bulging abdomens. Their appetites for wholesome food were destroyed.
In spite of all the evidence, pickle growers and packers continue to spread their evil. More than 120,000 acres of fertile U.S. soil are devoted to growing pickles.

The only way to avoid the deleterious effects of pickle eating is to change the eating habits. Eat orchid petal soup. Practically no one has had any problems from eating orchid petal soup.
 
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RoboDad said:
The only way to avoid the deleterious effects of pickle eating is to change the eating habits. Eat orchid petal soup. Practically no one has had any problems from eating orchid petal soup.

I'd like to see some statistics before I eat any orchid petal soup. Until then I'm sticking to fries and hamburgers w/o bun and pickles.

The bread danger is real!!! I was at Baja Fresh and told them I can't have any bread and the manager warned me to stay away from the hot sause as it has tortilla chips in it which (while made from corn and should be safe) are fried in the same fryer with breaded items which causes -- get this -- CROSS CONTAMINATION!! So now, not only is bread killing us, it's infecting other foods! That's right, it's the Ferris Bueller of the kitchen: it gives good food bad ideas.
 
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