Crit my script...PART 1!

[CelticPredator]

its good or bad, let me know. You can be harsh, but dont be a ^^^^.

Its called HOSTILE TAKEOVER

Semi cheesy throwback to the 80's flicks I didnt grow up with, but I love all the same. This is for a class project, and I get to use my high school to fim in for a week. I can do whatever I want...so blood and guts galore!

I added a scene mid way through, so if it doesnt make sense...im sorry. Im lazy. Spelling errors may be present








EXT. – SPACE

An asteroid hurtles toward the earth at astounding speeds. It enters the atmosphere, and crashes to the ground. At that moment, the Military enters the crash site waving all kinds of strange equipment.

GENERAL GREEN exits the vehicle.

LT. HOFFMAN
Sir, HXS5 has just touched down, and we’ve sent a team to retrieve it.

GENERAL GREEN
Good. Prep the extraction team for 0 800 hours.

The Military head out into the woods, each man has flashlights and strange devices that blink and beep.

CLOSE UP on the meteor, it is engulfed in smoke. We move in tighter on the meteor and we see, ice melting off the base. An unknown SOLDIER shines his lights onto the meteor.

SOLDIER
SIR! SIR! I FOUND IT!

The SOLDIER moves closer upon the meteor, he’s curiously stupid. He touches the meteor. He ‘s hesitant, but is still determined to touch it. His finger is less then an inch away from the meteor, when the meteor emits an inhuman sound. The SOLDIER covers his ears in agony. His ears and nose drip with blood.

Then, the meteor opens up, and a long tube shoves itself down the SOLDIERS throat. The tube retracts, and the SOLDIER falls over.

We move in closer to the “dead” SOLDIER, his eyes open wide, and he emits the same inhuman sound as the meteor did.

OPENING TITLES

EXT.—FOREST—DAWN

The SOLDIER comes out of the woods, and walks into a gas station. The SOLDIER is a complete mess. Blood and puss cover his uniform.

He walks up the counter where the CLERK just stares at him.

CLERK
Can I help you?

The SOLDIER licks his lips. Except it is not a tongue he has, it’s some sort of large proboscis, the SOLDIER growls in excitement. The SOLDIER smiles.





EXT.—TOWN—DAY

We see what everyday life is like in the little town. PAN into a local restaurant where we see DONNA, who is a waitress, finishing her last table before the day is up. DONNA washes her hands, and hangs up her uniform.

She then says, rather melancholy-
DONNA
Alright JOYCE, I’m heading out. Got a date in an hour.


JOYCE
You best not be heading out with that scumbag RICK. He lays just one his ugly fingers on you….I swear…lord, give me strength!

DONNA
He’s a good man! He…he…

JOYCE
You don’t deserve this honey. I know it’s been a hard few years. I can’t imagine how hard it must be. But you have to realize it wasn’t your fault.

DONNA begins to tear up.

DONNA
After DIRK died….I…I just co…

She begins to sob. JOYCE holds her tightly.

JOYCE
Losing a husband is hard. I know how much you and JAKE loved him. He was a good man. This guy…he’s not DONNA. He’s not. How many times has he struck Jake? How many?

DONNA looks away.

JOYCE
Stay with me tonight. Bring JAKE, we’ll…go to the toy store, and then get some ice cream. Sound good?

RICK comes into the restaurant.


WAITRESS
Hello sir, look we’re closing right now so, you’re going to have to come back tomorrow.


RICK
Not here for food. Came to get my wife.
RICK
(Cont.)
DONNA! Donna! Get over here now. We have a reservation for 8, its 7:56!

DONNA and JOYCE look at each other. RICK yells obscenities in the background.

JOYCE
Look, you’re one of the strongest women I’ve ever met, you’ve survived that car wreak back in 86’, you almost killed that guy who tried to rape you…and you’re dealing with the hardest thing you’ll ever have to, losing your husband. Now look at me. Don’t take any crap from this loser. He’s not worth it. You. Deserve. Better.


DONNA gets up. She’s wipes her tears, and becomes all fire. She walks out to RICK.

 

[-Super Hans-]

your meteor monster is kinda gay. its well written though

 

[Morbo]

Poor Donna! dead husband, nearly raped and almost killed a guy, and survived a car crash.
I'd loose some of Donna's past, as that list of bad stuff that happened to her is a little bit overkill. Maybe just have her with the car wreck and not the rape thing?
Other than that it's pretty good and very cheesey

 

[CelticPredator]

Yeah I know...I have no idea how to create backstory. I needed to get across the fact she's a tough cookie....so ok, i'll lose some things. Mabye I could combine the rape, into murder, and kill her hubby that way?

 

[CelticPredator]

your meteor monster is kinda gay. its well written though

you hurt his feelings.

 

[Bannister]

Please tell me that the ultimate reveal is that the guy who tried to rape Donna was Steven Spielberg.

 

[CelticPredator]

PT 2




RICK
Oh good honey! Take as long as you need. We’re not in any hurry whatsoever!

He says sarcastically, as he rolls his eyes.

DONNA
No. I’m not in a hurry. I’m not going.

RICK goes from puzzled to furious.

RICK
What did you say? Get in the damn car.


DONNA
No.

RICK
I said get in the damn car.


DONNA walks toward RICK.

RICK
That’s more like it baby.

She walks right past him, and walks right out the door.

RICK
Get back here you little SKANK!

He grabs her by the arm, she gets out of his grip, he then PUNCHES her across the face.

She stumbles back.

RICK
That’d teach you, you no good for nothing…


DONNA recoils her arm, and punches RICK right across the face. RICK stumbles, and tries to get up to look tough, but the hit was too much, he falls. DONNA walks away from him.

DONNA crosses the street, which now a red light. She dodges a few cars, but manages to cross the street just fine.

RICK yells at her while struggling to walk.

RICK
COME BACK HERE YOU LITTLE WHORE!
When I….get…over there, I’m going to…kick…ugh.

RICK stubbles across the street, cars are swerving out of the way.

However, one car doesn’t stop, and PLOWS right into RICK, killing him instantly. The car continues moving until it crashes into a pole.

DONNA rushes to check the wreck. She looks at RICK who is nothing more than a twisted, broken pile of meat, she feels nothing. She checks the driver, who appears to be dead. She opens the door, and the driver falls out, bloody and a mess.

She checks the driver’s pulse, nothing.

DONNA
Hey JOYCE! JOYCE! Get an ambulance quick!

But before she could finish her sentence, the driver leaps up and begins to attack DONNA, the driver begins to try and bite her, she manages to fend him off long enough for JOYCE to come to the rescue.

As she pulls the driver off, he turns around and attacks JOYCE, biting her neck. Blood spills everywhere. JOYCE tries to scream, but can’t due to the fact that her vocal cords have been ripped out.

The driver turns to DONNA and we see ITS eyes. They’re black, hollow, like a shark’s. The driver leaps at DONNA, but she dodges the attack. She then counters%2Proxy-Connection: keep-alive
Cache-Control: max-age=0

he attack with a swift kick to the face. The driver gets back up, blood oozing down its face, it then jumps at her again. DONNA quickly kicks it again, but this time she sent it falling backwards onto a piece of twisted metal.

The driver doesn’t get back up. She goes to check JOYCE. But all that is left is blood, and her hair ribbon.

JOYCE appears behind DONNA, and begins to attack her. DONNA screams, and just runs. JOYCE does the same, except she’s faster, and more agile then DONNA is, and quickly catches up to her. Before the JOYCE puts the final kill on DONNA, a loud gunshot is heard, and simultaneously JOYCE’s head explodes in a shower of blood and brain.

DONNA lets out a small short scream, she then turns to her savior, a cop, NATHAN holding his 9mm. She runs to him.

NATHAN
Get in the car! Hurry! They’re coming!

DONNA
WHO’s COMING! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!

NATHAN
Shut up and get into the…oh crap…

NATHAN sees more INFECTED run towards the car. He lets off a few shots, he hits a few in the head, one jumps and lands on the car. NATHAN gets in quickly. The INFECTED WOMAN begins to break the windows trying to get the meat inside. NATHAN starts the car, and gets out of there. The INFECTED WOMAN falls off the car, and lands HARD onto the road.

They’re driving in a normal car, not a cop issued car.

DONNA
What the hell were those things! Zombies? WHY ARE THERE ZOMBIES IN MY TOWN!

NATHAN replies in very out of breath pauses.

NATHAN
We…came across…these people, who were…we got a call about some…I don’t know…disturbances…

He swerves his car in mid speech.


DONNA
What disturbances! What are you talking about! Why are we in this….thing and not a police car!? ZOMBIES!???

NATHAN
(Cont.)
Then we saw these things. They killed 4 of my best friends, all of them. Then within maybe 20 seconds or so, they came back to life, I have no idea how to explain this…so look if you could be so very kind and shut up for a minute so I can figure out a place to go.

DONNA scowls, and sits back.

NATHAN
This was the only thing I could find. They took my car.


DONNA
Zombies….took you’re car?

NATHAN
They’re not zombies. In don’t know what they are. So pretty please with sugar on top, shut the hell up.

They drive around the neighborhoods extremely fast looking for a place to go.

 

[-Super Hans-]

when do they have sex.

 

[CelticPredator]

Sometime after the film ends...No sexy time. Mabye implied sex.....

 

[-Super Hans-]

im was hoping for a sarah conner/kyle reese type of scenario

 

[CelticPredator]

Sooowy. Perhaps a LOVE scene.....but its kinda awkward to film that stuff at this age....heh.

 

[Ven]

when do we see start hearing aerosmith's "I don't want to miss a thing"?

 

[CelticPredator]

I love that freaking song. I'll put it in the backround of that scene then.

Heres the part 3..

Donna is the unluckeist woman alive...





DONNA
So….where are we going exactly?


NATHAN
Somewhere to stay…


DONNA
MY SON! We have to go back! He’s with his baby sitter!

NATHAN
He’s probably dead, c’mon, we have to get to shelter...



DONNA doesn’t wait, she grabs the wheel in a furious rage, spins the car around, and NATHAN tries to regain control of the wheel. He does, and DONNA is panicking, so she does the only thing she can.

She grabs the gun from NATHAN’s belt, and holds it right to his face.

DONNA
Listen to me you prick, you take me back or else I’ll leave you for the zombies.

NATHAN
I didn’t have to save you! I thought...

DONNA
Just...please. Please take me back. He’s all I have left....please. I’d do anything to save him...please.

DONNA is in tears, NATHAN stuggles with what to do. He sighs, and turns around.

They arrive at DONNA’s house within a few minutes. They get out of the car, and both notice immediately that…

NATHAN
It’s so quite...did everyone leave...or...

DONNA heads into the house, she is still holding the gun.


DONNA
JAKE! JAKE! Honey please, tell Mommy if you’re here! JAKE! Honey!

They hear a small rustle in the next room. They open the door.

The sight they see is something truly ghastly. Blood, bone, organs, spewed everywhere. DONNA gasps, after which she vomits. NATHAN is very disturbed. His face is a blank stare.

After wiping her mouth…

DONNA
Oh my god....JUNEET...the baby sitter!

NATHAN
What’s left of her...


A small boy’s laugh is heard, the TWO go and check it out, they hear someone going up the stairs and closing a door.

DONNA
JAKE! JAKE honey...its Mommy. Don’t be scared.

She walks up the stairs, slowly.

DONNA
Please baby, come down...

She covers her nose, she smells something truly vile. She cocks the gun hammer.

She opens the door. She sees JAKE sitting down in the dark room, facing the opposite way. Flies buzz around the TWO, they swat at them.

DONNA
JAKE honey...what...what, happened...to...JUNEET...are...you OK?

She moves closer to JAKE. The flashlight pointed to the back of his head.

JAKE
Mommy. I don’t feel so good.

JAKE turns around revealing his pitch black eyes, and puss filled mouth. He snarls and screams an inhuman roar. NATHAN tries to stop him, but JAKE pushes him into the wall, knocking him out. He jumps at DONNA; she screams and cries because she knows she’s lost her son.

JAKE begins to drool onto her mommy. He comes close to her face, very slowly.

JAKE
It’s OK mommy. I love you. Would you like a bedtime song? ‘Rock a’ bye baby, on the tree top...

JAKE sings the song as he drools and snarls at his mother. She reaches for the gun, she’s sobbing very hard now. She aims the weapon at the boy’s temple.

JAKE
Time to sleep mommy....

DONNA screams the loudest scream she’s every screamed as she fires the bullet into her only son’s head. She screams, and pounds the floor in both anger, and sorrow.

NATHAN wakes up, he sees what she’s done. He goes to comfort her. He grabs her and holds her for the longest time.

FADE OUT:






FADE IN:
NATHAN and DONNA are driving to find shelter.


DONNA
Where are we going?

NATHAN
Looking for shelter, we need a big place. If these things get in, we need a lot of room to run.



They pass the High School, and then quickly reverse to go back to it.


NATHAN
This’ll do.

 

[Bannister]

So, when does the Hostel come into play?

 

[CelticPredator]

Hostel is the hotel thing? Then no, I misspelled. Its just a HOSTILE.....My bad...heh.