William Shatners Toupee
Super Freak
So I don't know about you guys, but when I go to a hardware store I like screwing around with the people working there.
Carrying an ax I've picked up from one of the aisles there I love going up to one of the employees, particularly the little teenage kids and asking where the duct tape and plastic floor sheeting is kept to see their reactions. It pretty much NEVER gets old.
This particular visit I went there to get gardening shears because my weed-whacker had died and I needed something strong enough to cut through some major weed beanstalks we had growing now from me being lazy all summer.
So, I'm looking there and gardening shears are only $16.99. Not bad. But next to them, I am not making this up, was a machete for $17.99!
A MACHETE!!!!!!
It was like holy light was shining down from heaven on it, but my wife wouldn't let me get it. You know, it's like the only story she can remember is my cutting off the top of my thumb last winter with an X-Acto while working on a custom.
There are OTHER STORIES that don't end with me impaling myself with something sharp, Regina!
Unfortunately there are about six other stories that do, and a few of them involve an X-Acto and an artery in my hand. So no machete for me.
If there's a zombie attack, and lets not kid ourselves, we all know it's coming, I am apparently not clearanced for the machete. 
Carrying an ax I've picked up from one of the aisles there I love going up to one of the employees, particularly the little teenage kids and asking where the duct tape and plastic floor sheeting is kept to see their reactions. It pretty much NEVER gets old.
This particular visit I went there to get gardening shears because my weed-whacker had died and I needed something strong enough to cut through some major weed beanstalks we had growing now from me being lazy all summer.
So, I'm looking there and gardening shears are only $16.99. Not bad. But next to them, I am not making this up, was a machete for $17.99!
A MACHETE!!!!!!
It was like holy light was shining down from heaven on it, but my wife wouldn't let me get it. You know, it's like the only story she can remember is my cutting off the top of my thumb last winter with an X-Acto while working on a custom.
There are OTHER STORIES that don't end with me impaling myself with something sharp, Regina!Unfortunately there are about six other stories that do, and a few of them involve an X-Acto and an artery in my hand. So no machete for me.
If there's a zombie attack, and lets not kid ourselves, we all know it's coming, I am apparently not clearanced for the machete. 
