Bashing the prequels, how original. You are soooo clever.
Im sorry if I offended your tastes, but Attack of the Clones is not only a terrible star wars movie it’s a terrible movie by any standards. It not only embodies everything that is bad about The Phantom Menace, it also removes the fleeting moments of good as well. It’s a two-hour snore fest with vomit-inducing dialogue, terrible action sequences, and even worse performances. Nearly every scene starts with little-to-no point and then goes on forever. It was supposed to sew the seeds of Anakin’s fall to the Dark Side, but instead created unintentional hilarity and awkwardness. It was supposed to show us the growth in relationship between Anakin and Padme but what we got felt fake, contrived & forced. It was supposed to show us the start of The Clone War, but all it did was raise more questions than Midi-chlorians did. It fails on every single thing it was supposed to do.
Hayden Christensen is without a shadow of a doubt, the worst actor in the history of the star wars saga. The moment where he kills the Tusken Raiders who tortured his mother is meant to be the first step in his descent to the Dark Side, but instead became one of the more laughable moments in the whole franchise purely because of Christensen’s horrendous dialogue reads. What should have been the crowning achievement of George Lucas’ directing career is a complete joke. The writing and dialog delivery is so bad even the viewer feels uncomfortable.
Take a look at these excepts- has to be the some of the worst writing ever to grace the silver screen.
Anakin: Don’t be afraid.
Padme: I’m not afraid to die. I’ve been dying a little bit each day since you came back into my life.
Anakin: What are you talking about?
Padme: I love you.
Anakin: You love me? I thought we had decided not to fall in love. That we’d be forced to live a lie and that it would destroy our lives.
Padme: I think our lives are about to be destroyed anyway. I truly… deeply… love you and before we die I want you to know.
Padme: We used to come here for school retreat. We would swim to that island every day. I love the water. We used to lie out on the sand and let the sun dry us and try to guess the names of the birds singing.
Anakin: I don’t like sand. It’s coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere. Not like here. Here everything is soft and smooth.
Anakin:
From the moment I met you, all those years ago, not a day has gone by when I haven’t thought of you. And now that I’m with you again… I’m in agony. The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you- I can’t breath. I’m haunted by the kiss that you should never have given me. My heart is beating… hoping that kiss will not become a scar. You are in my very soul, tormenting me… what can I do? I will do anything you ask… if you are suffering as much as I am, please, tell me. YES ANAKIN I AM SUFFERING PLEASE SHUT THE **** UP< YOUR MAKING ME WANT GET UP AND WALK OUT OF THE THEATER.
Even Obi-Wan’s trip to Kamino featured dreary discussions about nonsensical business deals that had me begging for Trade Federation arguments again.
The worst part is not even the lightsaber battles are exciting. People can say what they will about Phantom Menace but the lightsaber battle between Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon Jinn and Darth Maul was phenomenal. Whether it was because of the awesome choreography or the incredible Duel of the Fates score, that fight from beginning to end raises the quality bar of The Phantom Menace to untold levels. So how did Lucas follow that up? With a lazy, predictable and uninspiring re-tread of the previous movie, only without any of the excitement, thrills or spills. The fight between Anakin and Dooku was terribly shot, all you saw were flashes of light and awkward facial expressions. Then… Yoda joins in for the most ludicrous sight in the entire franchise.
This was MR. Lucas after filming ATOC
