Question to SSF parents from SSF daddy to be

[K07]

Hello all. I have never come to this section but some of you might know me from the DC, SW, and Movie sections of this website. My wife shared some spectacular news yesterday with me. We're expecting our first child! I don't really remember how all the lady parts work or how a baby grows, but I do know that miscarriages are a serious possibility the first trimester. We've been trying for months but as exciting as this news is I can't help but fear for the worst. My cousin's wife and a friend's sister both announced early pregnancies only to lose the baby before reaching the second trimester.

We are for sure sharing this news with our parents. I'm not so sure I want to share this with my sisters, brothers-in-law, or my wife's small extended family just yet. I'd rather share it with them when we're ready to tell everybody else we know. I think it'd be easier on them and us if something went wrong. I know I wish I'd have been ignorant of my cousin's baby and my friend's sister's baby. I couldn't do anything but feel grief when I heard the news. We'll have each other and our parents for moral support if the pregnancy happens to end tragically. And don't think this news isn't exciting to me. I'm beyond ecstatic. But having known couples that experienced this has certainly made me attempt to put my enthusiasm in check. My attempts are pretty pathetic though. It's all I can think of since hearing the news.

So I guess I was wondering WHEN did you announce the pregnancy after finding out? To WHOM did you announce the pregnancy to first? And just for fun, HOW did you announce the pregnancy?

 

[BadMoon]

We told our parents and immediate family right away. It's your choice and one you and your wife should make together.

Don't stress so much. Child birth is natural. Miscarriages happen when something is wrong. Sad, yes, but also natural. Relax and be as supportive as possible to your wife. If you have concerns it's okay. I would recommend not stressing your wife out with them. Also go to her appointments with her and feel free to ask questions. Those appointments are for you too. Good luck!

 

[K07]

We told our parents and immediate family right away. It's your choice and one you and your wife should make together.

Don't stress so much. Child birth is natural. Miscarriages happen when something is wrong. Sad, yes, but also natural. Relax and be as supportive as possible to your wife. If you have concerns it's okay. I would recommend not stressing your wife out with them. Also go to her appointments with her and feel free to ask questions. Those appointments are for you too. Good luck!

Yes, I don't wanna stress the wife out. That's why I have spent the better part of an hour looking up stuff online and eventually asking here for advice. Relax: This is great advice. All those dumb pregnancy books and websites are just full of the scary parts of pregnancy. I guess all I can do is accept it's out of our hands and realize it's part of life. We have been trying casually since March (casually as in no scheduled booty calls or ovulation kits) and it feels like an eternity to me to have finally gotten a positive test result that my first thoughts were fear of losing him/her. Other couples go years or even their entire life without being able to conceive so I should be feeling blessed it took as short at time as it did. I think once we announce this to more people than ourselves, it'll help ease my mind. Reading your response certainly helped, thanks!

 

[Darth Con]

We had our first little boy on Sept 21st.
When we found out we told Parents and siblings within a few days as soon as we confirmed with doctor. (Home test was first, went through 3 types)
Then shared the news with everyone else after we cleared 3 months and knew all was ok with bub.
Get as much sleep as you can now, WHILE you can.
Also, as far as books and websites go, they may be ok for general info to give u a better understanding of whats happening, BUT dont follow everything you read, it will just confuse you and stress both of you out, somethings work some dont, all babies are different. End of the day, whatever works for you and your baby.

 

[BadMoon]

I made one rule for myself and wife during the whole process. No books no internet. She had one book about the stages of pregnancy. That's it. No parenting "guides" no crazy articles about child deaths, nothing of the sort.

There is nothing more natural than having a child and being a parent in my opinion. We learn as much as our kids do. I don't need a book to tell me how to raise my kids. We didn't need books to worry us at the time of pregnancy either.

Trust me in her final stages she is going to ask you to take charge and pretty much handle all of the decision making. No offense to the women on the board but being pregnant takes a toll on a woman and they can get a little bonkers. Just don't panic and be there for her.

It really is an awesome experience.

 

[Darth Con]

Yep, it got to that point with us. She was reading way too much stuff, always hey, read this, come and read that, did u read what i gave you?'. In the end drove herself batty, and me too till i couldnt take it anymore and said, 'right, stop reading all that ****' your stressing yourself out.' just let it come naturally, we will know what to do'

 

[Darth Con]

Little Nikki's been eyeing off my 1:1 Vader helmet though everytime i take him into the man cave..... gona have to keep my eye on him me thinks.

 

[AllisonAmy]

Congratulations, that is very exciting news!

It is certainly up to you both when you decide to announce it, but on the chance that something could go wrong, it could be difficult and awkward to explain to people that you are no longer expecting.

I have had three miscarriages and had two healthy children after that.
We didn't announce the first pregnancy to very many people. My mother somehow found out I was pregnant and had miscarried and kept hounding me to talk about it, which irritated me to no end. We only told a couple of people that I was pregnant the second time. It seemed easier to handle than the first time. I don't remember how far along I was.

I was nine weeks pregnant at my third miscarriage. I think we had told most of our family and friends. The third miscarriage was pretty bad; I ended up in the hospital, where I received three liters of fluid and two units of blood. I had to miss about two weeks of work. One year later, I gave birth to my first child.

Sometimes pregnancies just don't work out. Maybe just think about your support network. There is no right or wrong answer about who to tell and when.

Ask lots of questions, try to be informed and go to those appointments, if you can. My husband didn't really go to many appointments with me, but I definitely appreciated it when he could.

Good luck!!

 

[Lejuan]

I have had three miscarriages and had two healthy children after that.

I'm really sorry to hear about your losses - that's incredibly tough, one miscarriage is hard enough to go through. But congratulations on your two little ones, I can imagine the joy that came from seeing them through to term and continue to grow up healthy and happy

My mother chose to include the announcement of our first pregnancy in her Christmas newsletter. We miscarried at 19 weeks - and then had to go to one of her Christmas lunches and endure 50 of her friends coming up to us at various points and offering their condolences. I've never really forgiven her for it.

Avoiding books can be a good thing, but I'd seriously recommend this one:

 

[karamazov80]

We waited a month before telling parents/close friends, and about 3 months before telling anyone else. OB-GYN suggested the month prior to telling parents. The miscarriage rate is pretty high early on, as you say, so just avoids making others feel grief over it. My wife read one of those huge tomes that the doctor recommends--actually gave us. I'm not sure what it is called, but it's a pretty standard baby book that lots of folks use. It doesn't hurt to read up and get prepared for what you are likely to encounter. If nothing else, it's useful to know what to do in health type emergencies--and to know what is or isn't an emergency at certain points in a baby's development. I read a few books, this one was pretty damn funny, and somewhat helpful:

[ame]https://www.amazon.com/DadLabs-Guide-Fatherhood-Clay-Nichols/dp/B00342VFTG/ref=sr_1_28?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1386640227&sr=1-28&keywords=funny+fathers+guide[/ame]

But we've found that neither of our children really fits the typical mold for how babies behave. Good luck!

 

[K07]

Our son was born early Sunday morning. My wife had the perfect pregnancy but there were complications during labor and an emergency c-section was performed. He ended up in NICU for four days and was just discharged with a clean bill of health. Going home later today. Doubt I'll be interested in geeky things for a while now that he's finally here.

 

[hoodonit00]

Congrats to you and the wife. This is going to sound cliche but spend as much time with your child as you can. The time will fly and before you know it they are adults.

 

[VASith]

Congrats to you and the wife. This is going to sound cliche but spend as much time with your child as you can. The time will fly and before you know it they are adults.

Our son was born early Sunday morning. My wife had the perfect pregnancy but there were complications during labor and an emergency c-section was performed. He ended up in NICU for four days and was just discharged with a clean bill of health. Going home later today. Doubt I'll be interested in geeky things for a while now that he's finally here.

Congrats! We wound up having a last second c section as well.

And definatley enjoy every second. As hoodonit says, it really goes by way way way too fast. Our daughter turned 2 a few weeks ago and I still remember bringing her home from the hospital. Enjoy the time when he doesn't move. once they start getting around on their own your life is over. . They are a blast and completely change your priorities on life.

 

[The Ween]

Congrats!

 

[Lejuan]

Congrats!

 

[Pixelpiper]

Congratulations! Use the down-time from the hobby to invest in some locks to secure your collection from little hands - you have a while, just don't forget about it.

 

[wyattroa]

I now have 3 boys ages 3, 2, and 1. With our first we did not tell our family until the 12th week, then after that I think we told everyone else around week 17. We did this because like so many others, we would rather not announce something and then the worst happen. With our second we told our family at 8 weeks and everyone else around 13 weeks.

Our youngest was a little different. We actually had all our friends over for a Christmas party when my wife started to bleed heavily. We told 2 people at the party our best friends so that they would leave and hope other would follow, which they did. We then called both our parents who came over and cleaned the house up from the party. My one buddy was a fireman so he ran back to the station and brought me IV supplies so I could put an IV in my wife and start getting her fluids( Im a paramedic). The next day we went to the dr to confirm we had lost the baby with the ultrasound and we ended up hearing the heartbeat for the first time. The dr was shocked as were we, very emotional 24 hours.

We announced the pregnancy the first time by going to our parents and having the ultrasound picture on the fridge and waiting to see if someone noticed..Actually kind of funny with how many times people went into the fridge. The next two times we had the kids wear shirt that read Big brother on them, also comical since people don't always pay attention to what are on the shirts of kids.lol..

My best advice would be to try and just relax and enjoy the time. I know I was always worried about mis- carrying, but all that will do is make it more stressful you and your spouse.

Congrats and enjoy!