William Shatners Toupee
Super Freak
So I went to this business thing with my wife and I got taken around the events ballroom and got introduced to everyone she works with like a Border Collie at a dog show. Bosses. Even higher bosses. Regular co-workers. Friends. People she hates (you know who you are!). The works.
I am pretty awesome so it only makes sense to enhance her prestige by flaunting ME in front of as many co-workers as possible. Because of my freakishly good looks and amazingly charismatic personality, I am used to this, and to a higher degree, even come to expect this now.
It's one of those little perks she gets for free for being married to me, and now, having gotten to see how great I was, inevitably made everyone else at the party who WASN'T there with me feel like total scum and empty inside. Bada Bing! Then the party was a success!
People now want to be her friend and many influential doors have now been opened with her higher-ups because of me.
So successful was the event, I got to thinking, "Hey, I can do this "Trophy Date" thing professionally!" Girls, how many times have you needed to rub a REALLY great date in someone else's face you were seeing at a function but just didn't have that special person on call? The kind of guy that says not only are you NOT a loser, but actually, it's EVERYONE else who is!
Or, going to the relatives but you just broke up with your boyfriend? Don't want to show up "stag" and REALLY want to make them think you're doing well? Tired of always being compared to your "better" sister with the "great" boyfriend? NO MORE! Now YOU will be that sister!
Today is your lucky day, because for the equivalent of only one paycheck, they are going to think you've found Mr. Right and will never ask you awkward "why can't you hold a boyfriend" questions again! For an extra fee, I will say I saw your sisters "website" on my room mate at college's computer, and that it was "hot", in front of your parents if it's full scale image- assassination you are interested in!
(The next time they see you without me and ask where I am, you can then tell them I was "embarrassed by your family" and that was why, while still "good friends", we aren't "seeing each other" anymore. YOU will then hold the ULTIMATE GUILT CARD against your family!!!!!!! YES!)
Trophy date offers accepted by application only.
(note: Trophy date fees vary depending on the "hazzards" involved.)
Going to an Opera: + $2000 .
Being with your family: +$500 per hour
Going to a country music concert: $30,000.
Apply today!
