What is the major malfunction with women today?!?!?!

[The Skull]

Thank you, Skull.
Appreciate it, buddy.
This does sting in a different manner, you know?!
Having spent a year on this...and then this way out...this HUGE disappointment.

But like my quote: "It´s getting better".

No problem, and it will continue to get better

Thanks Skull, I remember that conversation. She didn't mention my toys among her reasons for wanting to end it. In fact when she did mention them it was to say that she'd actually miss them. Having said that I do consider them (and my, y'know, addiction to them) to tie in with her reasons for leaving. I meanwhile had my own reasons for just letting her go. So she'll be my new 'what if'. I hope, when all is said and done, that I haven't made a terrible mistake. Last night, only a month on, I foolishly looked at photographs and it certainly felt like I made a mistake. She was suddenly the most beautiful girl in the world again. Today I'm just trying to tell myself that that's just my own inclination to fight against change talking - I had stopped fancying her, she had stopped fancying me and that's a relationship killer if ever there was one.

.

Yeah, I don't know really what to say, not good with emotional type stuff being the skull and all Just with a long term relationship like yours where it was headed towards the alter there must have been a lot of love at some point, If you ask me I would say you both hit that point in the relationship where you get bored with each other, it happens to all relationships at some point. I know I was there not long ago, both of us I think, but you just gotta push though and take stock of what you have and the spark comes back. It takes a conscience effort to address but once the ball gets rolling again it gets better.

Of course that's not the case for everyone and I don't really know your situation but just from hearing the little bits you have spoke of that's the assumpsion I got. Meaning maybe all you two needed was a break to realize what you both have.

I wish you the best in your future, whatever you deside

 

[a-dev]

Yeah, I don't know really what to say, not good with emotional type stuff being the skull and all Just with a long term relationship like yours where it was headed towards the alter there must have been a lot of love at some point, If you ask me I would say you both hit that point in the relationship where you get bored with each other, it happens to all relationships at some point. I know I was there not long ago, both of us I think, but you just gotta push though and take stock of what you have and the spark comes back. It takes a conscience effort to address but once the ball gets rolling again it gets better.

Of course that's not the case for everyone and I don't really know your situation but just from hearing the little bits you have spoke of that's the assumpsion I got. Meaning maybe all you two needed was a break to realize what you both have.

I wish you the best in your future, whatever you deside

Cheers. Who knows what the future holds but for right now I'm assuming we're done completely and that's what she told me she'd be doing. If you say you're breaking up and then just act like it is merely 'time apart' or a 'a break' then you're not even trying to move on - as she wisely said to me when objectivity departed from me during the most painful last day. I don't think its altogether impossible that we could get back together but I don't think its likely. We need to be with other people and chances are one of those 'other people' could be the real 'one'. I just hope if that's to be the case that we both find it and one of us isn't left alone. That's the most horrible thought to me.

 

[Lejuan]

Thx, chaps...I new came to the right board with this.

I dunno man... did you see how goonsack's relationship thread ended up?

 

[The Ween]

Women are masters at positioning in a relationship. If you are not dominant and have a plan, they will outmaneuver you. I don't mean you have to be a bastard, but you have to set the pace. Most girls don't have an innate protective instinct for men that men do for women so when they feel like taking advantage they can be utterly ruthless.

You need to read the signs better and you probably need to reassess the type of women you attract or are attracted to. Nasty manipulative women have a knack for picking out men who will put up with their ****.

And you can say the same for men as well.

 

[The Ween]

I dunno man... did you see how goonsack's relationship thread ended up?

That's because he was happy. You can't have that.

 

[karamazov80]

that´s like the...6th relationship now...and again only ****.

First cheated on me 2 times.

2nd I wasn´t feeling it, neither was she (doesn´t count)

3rd was overjealous and ALWAYS told me to stay clean...as to not touch other girls and stuff...which I never would´ve done.

4th treated me like **** cause I though we had no future and I couldn´t talk with her properly and also cheated on me.

5th went on for 2 years, dumped me cause couldn´t handle a relationship then and came together with a "friend" (POS friend)

Little affair in between, all good and now

the 6th...whole year wasted and that.

WHAT THE ****, DUDES?!?!?!?!?!?!

Well, different things work for different people, and I don't presume to know all the answers, but since you are asking I'll tell you my philosophy--don't make decisions based on intense emotions. Try to step away from things, and make decisions from a rational point of view. That requires emotional maturity on the part of both parties, which really only comes with age and experience from my observations. If I'm reading your post correctly, this most recent woman seemed emotionally unbalanced, but you didn't seem to catch onto that, which itself can be problematic. Long distance relationships are just a bad idea in general IMO. There are lots of fish in the sea. I would suggest trying to develop something with someone you can connect with in person. Chances are you'll be able to find someone just as suitable without having to deal with all the trouble of being apart from each other for long periods.

Lustful love comes and goes, and can create a lot of negativity when people get jealous and possessive. I'm convinced most failed marriages are due to people who are in love, but don't realize how well they are going to enjoy being around each other when those initial feelings (inevitably) change. Try to be involved with someone you can have real conversations with, who shares your view on the nature of things. And I think a real key to a sustainable relationship is balance. If one of you cares more than the other, and there is a power imbalance, then you're asking for trouble.

There's my two cents. But whatever advice you receive and take in, truth is you're only going to learn by doing. Mistakes and successes will build up, and you'll eventually find something that works, or you won't, in a way that suits you and the other person. Good luck.

 

[Frank]

And you can say the same for men as well.

The first part, no. The last part can go both ways but I think more dudes gotta hear it. We tend to have blinders on when it comes to how bat**** evil the ladies can be. Our protective instinct sets us up for emotional/financial torture when the cute one is on the take.

 

[The Ween]

The first part, no. The last part can go both ways but I think more dudes gotta hear it. We tend to have blinders on when it comes to how bat**** evil the ladies can be. Our protective instinct sets us up for emotional/financial torture when the cute one is on the take.

Protective instinct or just plain thinking with your dicks?

 

[King Darkness]

6 in row? Might be time to start looking in the mirror for problems.


Just sayin'

 

[Frank]

Protective instinct or just plain thinking with your dicks?

Didn't expect you to understand . It's a very real instinct and separate from the pure sexual drive. I'd say it factors in a huge way with how we love our women. I'd rank it just below the fatherly instinct.

Ladies can be protective of their men for sure, but it's more of a learned and cultivated trait. A trait that indicates you've got a really, really good woman in your life.

 

[EndoSickness]

Hm...somehow it seems that a few of you guys really kinda mean that it's my own fault, or do I misunderstand?

 

[Frank]

Nah, from the sounds of it you're a nice guy but there might be some trends you're missing with these girls. Sometimes they'll throwing **** tests at you without you even being aware. Sometimes they'll cry just to win an argument. The hope here is that you catch on to the game before they pull the trump card out on you.

 

[EndoSickness]

Like weaking me more and more and then move out for the mercy killing?

 

[karamazov80]

Hm...somehow it seems that a few of you guys really kinda mean that it's my own fault, or do I misunderstand?

It takes two to tango. If you've had so many really bad relationships in sequence, then yeah, as KD says you probably aren't blameless. The very first step is two people judging each other for fitness in the relationship. Could be this is where you need some improvement. There is no problem with women, broadly defined. There are problems with specific women, and specific men, and incompatibilities between people.

 

[EndoSickness]

Today I'm on another side there, man.
There sure as hell is absolutely something wrong with women in modern times and this time around I really did nothing.

I was honest with me caring about her and that girl is just plain lost in space.
There are special cases were there are not needed to be 2 involved...just one...saying something...but meant completely honest and the other just being unable to cope with it and this is one of those cases...

 

[DCM81]

Am I correct in assuming that you were at her place for a visit, the topic of the owed money came up, you gave your 2 cents (in a kind and friendly manner) and she flipped, told you to GTFO and then left herself?
If so, and you (both of you) were really serious about the relationship then you should sit down and talk like grown-ups once you've all calmed down.
Sure, some women tend to misenterpret many things we men say but if she was already all wound up over the subject and then you said something, harmless as it may have been, at just the wrong moment it could have just been too high strung emotions. Maybe she was already ready to burst and whatever you said hit a nerve. She then needed to let out all the anger and emotions and you just happened to be on the receiving end.

Lange Rede kurzer Sinn: people do all kinds of stupid s**t when they let their emotions get the better of them but once all is said and done and they've had time to think about and reflect on the situation, they realize just how stupid it was. A likely scenario that can easily be fixed.......if I interpreted everything correctly.

 

[EndoSickness]

You got that all right, pal.
I tried to talk to her yesterday and it wasn't possible to talk to her.
She just really has a malfunction...for real.
In the end she had no motivation of taking it to a better and civilized place and even just told me that she cheated on me.
There's no way back...trust me.

 

[DCM81]

Oh man that sucks. After that statement there's definately no sense in wasting anymore energy on her - cheating is a death sentence for a relationship.
Halt durch großer die Richtige ist irgenwo da draußen!

 

[The Ween]

Today I'm on another side there, man.
There sure as hell is absolutely something wrong with women in modern times and this time around I really did nothing.

I was honest with me caring about her and that girl is just plain lost in space.
There are special cases were there are not needed to be 2 involved...just one...saying something...but meant completely honest and the other just being unable to cope with it and this is one of those cases...

No, there's something wrong with her, not will modern women. IMO, just forget about it. She has issues that it seems she doesn't want to deal with, at least for now. I think it's time to move on to greener pastures.

 

[Mad Old Lu]

Well, different things work for different people, and I don't presume to know all the answers, but since you are asking I'll tell you my philosophy--don't make decisions based on intense emotions. Try to step away from things, and make decisions from a rational point of view. That requires emotional maturity on the part of both parties, which really only comes with age and experience from my observations. If I'm reading your post correctly, this most recent woman seemed emotionally unbalanced, but you didn't seem to catch onto that, which itself can be problematic. Long distance relationships are just a bad idea in general IMO. There are lots of fish in the sea. I would suggest trying to develop something with someone you can connect with in person. Chances are you'll be able to find someone just as suitable without having to deal with all the trouble of being apart from each other for long periods.

Lustful love comes and goes, and can create a lot of negativity when people get jealous and possessive. I'm convinced most failed marriages are due to people who are in love, but don't realize how well they are going to enjoy being around each other when those initial feelings (inevitably) change. Try to be involved with someone you can have real conversations with, who shares your view on the nature of things. And I think a real key to a sustainable relationship is balance. If one of you cares more than the other, and there is a power imbalance, then you're asking for trouble.

There's my two cents. But whatever advice you receive and take in, truth is you're only going to learn by doing. Mistakes and successes will build up, and you'll eventually find something that works, or you won't, in a way that suits you and the other person. Good luck.

Great advice.

Sorry to hear about your situation, Endo. Yes, it does seem like women in general are impossible to understand. And they kinda are. But there are varying degrees of madness out there, and believe me, there are even some rational ones. It just takes a lot of time and effort to sort through them all to find the right one. I can't guarantee you'll find a sane one , but you'll find one that will allow you to help her. Like others have said, that woman seems like she has a lot of baggage that has nothing to do with you. It's a bad sign that she does not want to reasonably talk (or even argue) through a problem with you, and just runs away. That's not something or someone you want to have to deal with in the long run.

It was good that you tried to call her. Maybe one last ditch effort you can do is write her a note saying that you still care and that you want to help, but that you can't do it alone--she has to be willing to let you in. At least you'll feel like you did everything you could.

Like Karamazov said, love and being with someone is more about having real conversations, and having a mutual respect for each other. It's got to be with someone that is similar enough to you so you can understand where they are coming from, and different enough so they never stop surprising you (in a good way).

And like Karamazov said, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Go online and sign up with a dating site and find someone close by. One of my wife's friends found her husband that way, and they are both very happy together.

Good luck.

Edit: Nevermind about writing her a note. Just saw that she said she cheated on you. Time to move on and don't look back!