Friends after the break up??

[hairlesswookiee]

alright so here is a serious question. do you guys think its possible for a couple to remain friends after they break up??? reason i'm asking is because i recently broke up with my girlfriend, but since we were friends for quite a while before dating we wanted to divert back to the friend status. now i recently started talking to another lady and things were going well.... until she found out that i still hung out with my ex on a regular basis (as friends none of that perverted stuff). she freaked out and said she didn't want to continue seeing me while i still kept in contact with my ex. am i asking for something that is impossible??? is the new lady overreacting??? should i just stick to my comics and video games???

 

[pixletwin]

Yes, it is possible. But it will NEVER be the same. Eventually you will drift away.

So my advice, stay away from the Ex. if you dig yer current squeeze.

 

[The Craw]

am i asking for something that is impossible??? is the new lady overreacting??? should i just stick to my comics and video games???

yes........

 

[Vader AL]

alright so here is a serious question. do you guys think its possible for a couple to remain friends after they break up??? reason i'm asking is because i recently broke up with my girlfriend, but since we were friends for quite a while before dating we wanted to divert back to the friend status. now i recently started talking to another lady and things were going well.... until she found out that i still hung out with my ex on a regular basis (as friends none of that perverted stuff). she freaked out and said she didn't want to continue seeing me while i still kept in contact with my ex. am i asking for something that is impossible??? is the new lady overreacting??? should i just stick to my comics and video games???

hmmm... I don't think she is overreacting, put yourself in her shoes not knowing how you 2 feel/felt about each other. I think you need to drop the old friend/ex girlfriend and move on. keep the comics and video games too though.

 

[tomandshell]

Given some time and separation, I would say yes, you could resume a meaningful friendship somewhere down the road.

But to continue a relationship immediately would very likely lead to problems. Just give it some time.

(I would probably be uncomfortable as well if I was the new gal.)

 

[The Mike]

Possible but tricky. The real test is when both of you are dating someone else. That's usually the dealbreaker. If she is dating someone and you don't get jealous or bothered and she can do the same everything will be fine and she'll become the best Wingman you've ever had. Unfortunately 9/10 times that doesn't happen on one or both sides.

 

[Reinhardt]

it is definitely possible. i know several people that have stayed in touch with past girlfriends and their relationship is actually healthier as friends. The key was taking some time apart and distancing yourself mentally from the person. Unclouding your mind so to speak.

I have never been able to do it though. I've tried, but it's never worked out. Either one of us still has feelings, or I've found it pointless because it wasn't that enjoyable dating them to begin with, so why would i want to hang out with them now that we're not together.

as for this girl you are talking to, as long as you are clear that your intentions are not romantic with your ex, there should no reason for her to "freak out" - i can definitely see her being a bit upset, but i think that is only natural.

 

[Darth Loki]

It all depends on the relationship and the break up. Me and my ex are still very close (we were even close right after the break up). Everyone thought it was weird but we didn't care because we still had a good time together and enjoyed hanging out.

We broke up over a year and a half ago but we still talk a couple times a week and I'm happy to call her one of my best friends.

 

[hairlesswookiee]

Me and my ex are still very close (we were even close right after the break up). Everyone thought it was weird but we didn't care because we still had a good time together and enjoyed hanging out.

thats the way we are right now.
~~~here's the situation though. i'm moving to tallahassee in june. the ex knows this and is cool with it. the new lady lives up there right now, but we were hanging out during the break and after. i did explain it to her right off the bat that me and the ex are still friends and that we still talk. maybe i should just wait until i move up there and see what else is going on up there.

 

[Mesa]

I've never been able to make it work. Either leads back to the bedroom, or jealously.

 

[Darth Loki]

thats the way we are right now.
~~~here's the situation though. i'm moving to tallahassee in june. the ex knows this and is cool with it. the new lady lives up there right now, but we were hanging out during the break and after. i did explain it to her right off the bat that me and the ex are still friends and that we still talk. maybe i should just wait until i move up there and see what else is going on up there.

If you're new lady is already acting like this, that is telling you something right there. She's obviously either insecure or not very trusting. Neither are anything I'd ever look for in a female as these rarely get better.

Your friends are your friends and she has no right to tell you who you can and can't be friends with.

Tread with care brother.

 

[pixletwin]

If you're new lady is already acting like this, that is telling you something right there. She's obviously either insecure or not very trusting. Neither are anything I'd ever look for in a female as these rarely get better.

Your friends are your friends and she has no right to tell you who you can and can't be friends with.

Tread with care brother.

Thats true, but you also don't want to throw the baby out with the bath water, so to speak. I would try to find out why she is worried about you remaining friends with them. Try to resolve it and if that doesn't work make a decision on whom you would rather spend your time with.

 

[galactiboy]

Here's my first reaction... if you are just starting to date a person and they freak out about a previous relationship or that you maintain one with an ex; that is a warning sign. Its okay to be a bit concerned, maybe worried... but not freak out or make demands on what you can and can't do. In a relationship you have the right to express feelings, but not dictate to the other person. So. personally I'd take another look at her, see if she's carrying any large baggage behind her.

And second part, you can definitely be friends with ex's, and even friends with your significant others ex's. Just because an intimate part of a relationship is over doesn't mean you can't still be close. I often wonder why people who break up then trash their ex... when a month earlier they thought the walked on water

 

[galactiboy]

If you're new lady is already acting like this, that is telling you something right there. She's obviously either insecure or not very trusting. Neither are anything I'd ever look for in a female as these rarely get better.

Your friends are your friends and she has no right to tell you who you can and can't be friends with.

Tread with care brother.

... I've unwittingly agreed with Loki?!?

 

[Darth Loki]

Here's my first reaction... if you are just starting to date a person and they freak out about a previous relationship or that you maintain one with an ex; that is a warning sign. Its okay to be a bit concerned, maybe worried... but not freak out or make demands on what you can and can't do. In a relationship you have the right to express feelings, but not dictate to the other person. So. personally I'd take another look at her, see if she's carrying any large baggage behind her.

And second part, you can definitely be friends with ex's, and even friends with your significant others ex's. Just because an intimate part of a relationship is over doesn't mean you can't still be close. I often wonder why people who break up then trash their ex... when a month earlier they thought the walked on water

Unless of course that ex was sleeping with the soccer team

 

[Darth Caedus]

I think first off, if you're current g/f wants you to stop seeing somebody, then I wouldn't want to be with that person anyway. Once a girl tries to tell me what to do, it's time to boot her ass to the curb...

 

[galactiboy]

Unless of course that ex was sleeping with the soccer team

Well yes... if your ex is (male or female) is a whore then all bets are null and void. But given typical/healthy relationships I'll stand buy my statements

 

[Darth Loki]

I think first off, if you're current g/f wants you to stop seeing somebody, then I wouldn't want to be with that person anyway. Once a girl tries to tell me what to do, it's time to boot her ass to the curb...

Yup. Same situation happened a few months after me and my ex split. Starting seeing someone who was young and immature. She tried to tell me that I couldn't be friends with my ex. She gone

 

[pixletwin]

I think first off, if you're current g/f wants you to stop seeing somebody, then I wouldn't want to be with that person anyway. Once a girl tries to tell me what to do, it's time to boot her ass to the curb...

I think maybe a little compassion would suit a healthy relationship. But if she is the jealous type no matter what you do, drop her.

 

[Darth Caedus]

I think maybe a little compassion would suit a healthy relationship. But if she is the jealous type no matter what you do, drop her.

well, the metaphoric kick to the curb. Even though I've had a few where I literally had to kick to the curb; felt a little bad afterwards, but then I had an ice cream and felt okay.