I Found the Cure to Obsessive Collecting

[tomandshell]

Maybe I'm an anomaly, but the romance with my wife has only grown better over the years. We will be celebrating our 12th anniversary next month and our relationship is stronger now that at any point in the past--without going into inappropriate details, I would not trade our love life now for anything that came before.

So I always kind of balk at the stereotypical idea of a castrated man stuck in a loveless and passion-free marriage to the old "ball and chain." My wife leaves me far more dehydrated after ten years of marriage than in the "honeymoon" phase.

 

[IrishJedi]

Maybe I'm an anomaly, but the romance with my wife has only grown better over the years. We will be celebrating our 12th anniversary next month and our relationship is stronger now that at any point in the past--without going into inappropriate details, I would not trade our love life now for anything that came before.

You're not so much an anomaly as you are very, very lucky. To say couples like you are rare would be an extreme understatement. Okay, so maybe that does make you an anomaly. Either way... Congrats.

 

[Devil_666]

Don't be a ____.

I'm not, I'm being real. You honestly believe acting feminine and weak is attractive to "a lot of women"!?
We all know that you're "sensitive" because you've admitted as much on here, but that's not how most of us get down. Sorry.

Yep real men cry to mods and get threads locked right mags?

 

[The Josh]

It's time to focus on you and what makes YOU happy and what will help YOU heal and become a better person. Having her around will NOT help YOU. It WILL make things worse.

First let me say I feel for ya. I really do. I was about to get engaged when the girl I was seeing broke up with me so I feel for ya.

However, I agree with Keith and others. Ya gotta give her the boot from your living place and your life. It may come across as being a ____ but you gotta do it. You will not heal mentally/emotionally until you so.

Another thing too is you must cut her out of your life totally. At the very least for quite some time. Do not let people tell you how shes doing, don't ask, defriend her on facebook, etc. You must forget she exists!

When you do. The healing starts and you NEED to focus on you and what makes you happy. The last two girls I was with wanted me to change. One was vocal about it the other wasn't but I did so cause I thought thats what I was supposed to do. Now, I realize that I'm me and this type of collecting is me. It makes me happy. You have to find that. Then when you do let the next one know this is me if you don't like it there's the door.

 

[tnaig001]

Hey man. was at a similar phase some time ago. Long story short, things only worked after i stopped being too nice.

You're at the too nice part. You can't live your life as if she were still a part of it.

She's your best mate? I hate to tell you this but if she were she would find ways to work things out instead of bailing.

Love is choosing to settle even if there is better out there.

Tell her point blank, either you're with me or you're not. None of this in between phase. You're not perfect but if she doesn't want you then hands off the merchandise.

Harsh but true.

 

[King Darkness]

Do not take this the wrong way, but you need to end this.

You are now stuck in a quasi-relationship in which your ex-partner's needs are still being met, but you are getting table scraps to meet yours.

I know it seems almost impossible to do, but if the relationship is over you need to treat it as such. Which means:

1) No sleeping in the same bed/cuddling
2) No deep emotionally supportive, etc. conversations
3) If you have to live together, fine... but create your own separate places
4) Make sure you start spending time with other people, if you don't have friends go make some
5) Don't pretend the relationship is still going strong. She ended it, time to move on.
6) You need to establish strong, clear post-relationship boundaries to keep stuff from getting messy.

I've seen stuff like this time and time again, and my prediction is you will pull this band-aid off as slowly as you can. Don't drag out the inevitable, pull it off and be done with it.

Worst thing that can happen here is that you hold on until September and then are crushed and alone with she leaves for graduate school.

Get as far away from her as possible! DO IT! DO IT NOW!!!

 

[DinoLast]

LChinoz, LChinoz
You're quite clearly a nice guy, but no matter what advice is given to you, it will only register if it is along the lines that you two might get back together. I know it's hard, but really look at who has called all the shots, look who is in control of your relationship, then try and stop letting your heart rule your head. Think logically about this, and ask yourself if things are going to go back the way they were.

As for giving up things you normally enjoy, that might be a form of depression.

 

[OSCORP]

Theres is only one thing you need to know.

It is over forever now.



Also,You must be the 1st to have sex with another person.____ing another girl in your bedroom would be the best thing.Even better if your ex catches you.She needs to see that other women are all over you.Dont be weak.A Weak man is the biggest turn off ever for a women.

You must immerse yourself totally in that role..the ladies man, the jerk..This is how you win in life.

Do it or Fail.


Close the thread now.

God Damn thread is over lock it up.

(and you probably wanted to hear things like "hang in there" "it'll get better" " I've been through it to i know how you feel" "do this, do that") But sounds like you need to let the testosterone animal out. Unless there is a kid involved, when a chick dumps you, you MOVE ON!



/truth

 

[Nitro]

LChinoz. As much as she claims that she is your best friend. She truly is not. Get her out of there! Out of sight and out of mind!

Look, I went through something very similar. I was with a girl for 12 years (5 of which married). She split with me the day after Christmas a few years back because she wanted the single lifestyle that her friends had and she missed it because she was tied down since we met each other so young. I was shell shocked and it came from nowhere. Needless to say, she wanted the same thing that your ex wanted. I told her she wanted to be bold enough to separate...then that's what we should do. I asked her to leave. I was depressed for awhile and refused to date until the time was right.

You know what. I went out on one date after the split and I've been with the girl ever since (it'll be 2 years on July 15th). She's been the best thing in my life and I realized that the split worked out for the best. You need to do something similar. Take some time out for yourself. It's going to hurt for awhile and you might not be ready for the dating scene right away. Once you meet the right girl, you'll realize that everything worked itself out and you will be in a better situation than you were previously.

 

[Maglor]

well, its always been my motto that even when someone else tells you otherwise deep down you know best and you know her better than all of us so, I trust you'll make a great decision

This is the best post I have read in this thread.

 

[BadMoon]

LChinoz. As much as she claims that she is your best friend. She truly is not. Get her out of there! Out of sight and out of mind!

Look, I went through something very similar. I was with a girl for 12 years (5 of which married). She split with me the day after Christmas a few years back because she wanted the single lifestyle that her friends had and she missed it because she was tied down since we met each other so young. I was shell shocked and it came from nowhere. Needless to say, she wanted the same thing that your ex wanted. I told her she wanted to be bold enough to separate...then that's what we should do. I asked her to leave. I was depressed for awhile and refused to date until the time was right.

You know what. I went out on one date after the split and I've been with the girl ever since (it'll be 2 years on July 15th). She's been the best thing in my life and I realized that the split worked out for the best. You need to do something similar. Take some time out for yourself. It's going to hurt for awhile and you might not be ready for the dating scene right away. Once you meet the right girl, you'll realize that everything worked itself out and you will be in a better situation than you were previously.

Same here. My wife said she wanted to leave followed by some more nastier comments. I asked if counciling or anything would be an option among several other options. When she said no I told her to leave. She agreed. She also paid for the divorce and I took pretty much everything. How's that for easy?

 

[Maglor]

You're allowing yourself to be tortured. You are losing serious Man Points and that's coming from a woman, sitting right here typing to you.

Theres is only one thing you need to know.

It is over forever now.



Also,You must be the 1st to have sex with another person.____ing another girl in your bedroom would be the best thing.Even better if your ex catches you.She needs to see that other women are all over you.Dont be weak.A Weak man is the biggest turn off ever for a women.

You must immerse yourself totally in that role..the ladies man, the jerk..This is how you win in life.

Do it or Fail.


Close the thread now.

Man the ____ up bro!

Is this attractive to you GrueSam? Do women really like this?!?!

If so, it's amazing that I got married because that is soooo not me...

Does your wife know you're ghey??

I'm sensing a theme here.

there's no such thing as depression. you're not depressed, just stupid.

man up, put the part of of your life that involves her behind you, and move on. dont let yourself become one of the idiots who lets themselves be trapped in the stupid state of mind they call "depression." be strong, and be better than that.

Man... this thread is frigid cold.

If you want to be a Good Guy and immerse yourself into a woman and give her your soul and love 100% unconditionally (which is the ideal)... you have about a 99.99999% chance of utter and horrifically painful failure. Do the math.

Some of us still believe...

 

[Maglor]

listen man, l was not going to post, but here is my advise. you need to throw her out, go to a strip club with your buddies get drunk, see a different pair of tits, try and get laid, and relax. life does not revolve around women, trust me. in a couple months you will be happier then you ever were.

I'm not picking on fear 666 xX because it seems most of the guys in this thread would agree, but the guy you are describing is the tool that we hate in every romantic comedy ever made.

 

[Maglor]

Maybe I'm an anomaly, but the romance with my wife has only grown better over the years. We will be celebrating our 12th anniversary next month and our relationship is stronger now that at any point in the past--without going into inappropriate details, I would not trade our love life now for anything that came before.

So I always kind of balk at the stereotypical idea of a castrated man stuck in a loveless and passion-free marriage to the old "ball and chain." My wife leaves me far more dehydrated after ten years of marriage than in the "honeymoon" phase.

Thank you.

I was beginning to think I was the only one with this thought process.

We live in a society where we are programed to believe that if a relationship is not working perfectly that the answer is to find someone else, and pronto. But the fact is that, once we are past the "stars in your eyes" phase, we will just be in the same boat again, in relationship after relationship. There is a reason that 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce. There is a reason that many men (and women) have a hard time committing.

For any romance to last it takes work. I don't care how perfectly matched you are. If you are unwilling to do that work, then you don't deserve a long term relationship in my opinion.

And no, that doesn't make me "ghey".

I'm not, I'm being real. You honestly believe acting feminine and weak is attractive to "a lot of women"!?
We all know that you're "sensitive" because you've admitted as much on here, but that's not how most of us get down. Sorry.

Don't put words in my mouth please.

No man should be weak, and I would never recommend that. I just don't buy into the "tough guy" routine.

A man who is unwilling to show emotion because of fear of appearing weak is the weak one.

 

[Bannister]

Same here. My wife said she wanted to leave followed by some more nastier comments. I asked if counciling or anything would be an option among several other options. When she said no I told her to leave. She agreed. She also paid for the divorce and I took pretty much everything. How's that for easy?

She did all that to be with that guy. You are definitely better off.

 

[BadMoon]

She did all that to be with that guy. You are definitely better off.

Couldnt agree more!

One of the last things she said to me was you'll never make it without me.

Hmmmm let us digest that for a minute.......

Promotion check!

New Car check!

Several beautiful girlfriends since check!

New House check!

See a pattern here? I'm failing on so many levels I don't know where to begin.

 

[IrishJedi]

Couldnt agree more!

One of the last things she said to me was you'll never make it without me.

Hmmmm let us digest that for a minute.......

Promotion check!

New Car check!

Several beautiful girlfriends since check!

New House check!

See a pattern here? I'm failing on so many levels I don't know where to begin.

Addition by subtraction, bro.

 

[King Darkness]

Couldnt agree more!

One of the last things she said to me was you'll never make it without me.

Hmmmm let us digest that for a minute.......

Promotion check!

New Car check!

Several beautiful girlfriends since check!

New House check!

See a pattern here? I'm failing on so many levels I don't know where to begin.

Willing to take a cucumber in the butt........

Check!

 

[BadMoon]

Willing to take a cucumber in the butt........

Check!

The things we will do for love. Or in this case, SEX!

 

[Maglor]

The things we will do for love. Or in this case, SEX!

Glad to see someone making the distinction.