Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (June 30th, 2023)

[ironwez20]

What can I say? I thought it sucked. It had no soul. It was lifeless. A ragtag crew of losers join together to make the ultimate sacrifice. So what? Why should we care about any of these guys? They were one-dimensional cardboard cut-outs from central casting. I couldn't even remember their names. Maze Chirrut? Bohdi something?

All it was was an excuse to shovel Memba Berries down the audience's throats. Oh memba Tarkin! I memba! Except now he looks like a oily skinned cartoon. Same with that ghoulish Princess Leia at the end. Memba the Death Star? Wanna see X-Wings and Ackbars and "It's a trap!!" and Y-Wings and ****? HELL YEAH! It's like Star Wars....ON STEROIDS! It was a video game. No heart. Just flashy computer graphics. No stakes. Who cares about these people? Unlike everyone under 35, I get no enjoyment out of watching other people play video games. It bores the piss out of me. More than half the movie was just sitting there watching a video game you can't control.

And then there's the gratuitous Vader massacre scene. That was several minutes of pure angsty SW fan fiction as imagined by a disillusioned teen. "YEAH MF, I wanna see the ******* blood spraying on the walls as Vader just ******* straight MURDERS those losers!! YYYEAAAAH!! You don't **** with the Vader!!"

I know Vader's a bad guy. I knew that from the moment he walked through the smoky doorway in Star Wars. He didn't have to kill anyone. His appearance and presence told a thousand words. Him choking the captain to death pretty much cemented it. I'm no prude when it comes to violence in movies, but that hallway killing spree just felt completely off in a Star Wars movie, and it seemed to come from a place of spite and anger. I was not one of the bloodthirsty fanboys screaming and howling in their seat when they saw that scene. In fact, I was barely awake. The whole beginning and middle of the movie were so dreadfully dull that I fell asleep! And clearly I didn't miss anything cause when I woke up it was still painfully boring, but now with more rain and gloom.

Rogue One sucked. Yeah, I said it.

I can sense your anger it makes you strong. Hence forth you will be known as . Darth … Somber

 

[GhostBeard]

Normally I would decline any movie/concert/event I don't want to go to. But this is my best friend since 5th grade and the biggest Indy fanatic I've ever met. He ran the Indy wiki like a man possessed until he had kids. So this movie is special for him, and we also sat though Crystal Skull together, so it's only right for the last hurrah.

You’re a good man Charlie Brown.

 

[ironwez20]

That would do the trick. Unfortunately, I quit drinking almost a decade ago.

Even more unfortunate is that Ohio still hasn't legalized marijuana. I imagine a few edibles would make it more tolerable.

You’re in Ohio? It all makes perfect sense. I visited there in 2020 and felt shame and sadness and utter contempt for the world. As soon as the plane touched down I could feel my childhood self wave goodbye as I stepped into adulthood. I went there with a woman to but I could feel my spirit slip away as I looked at the barren landscape and cornfields
When I got outta there I snapped out of it thankfully. Leave now!

 

[Mandible]

No offense to you guys that are being polite with friends, etc, but personally, I wouldn't go even if it was my dying mother's last wish. Disney aren't going to change their idiocy until people stop supporting them by buying movie tickets, etc. There's better ways to spend your money and entertain yourself for a couple of hours.

If people love Indy that much, make a night of it and watch the old ones - at least you'll be 100% satisfied with your choice (not CS of course! )

 

[Otomofan]

I liked Ohio a lot more when it was just a goofy punchline I could tell people in Japan.

"Yeah, I'm from Ohio. It's almost entirely corn fields. Our main city is known as the Mistake on the Lake, and our river was once so polluted it caught on fire. All of sports teams suck so bad it's not even funny anymore. It also snows for about 6 months out of the year."

To be fair, lots of extremely successful and popular artists and musicians and US Presidents were all from Ohio.

I think the main motivation for their success was getting the **** outta Ohio!!

 

[Prime Clone]

Edit: Sorry, always get Ohio and Iowa confused!

 

[Otomofan]

It happens a lot. All those vowels.

People in Japan constantly asked me if about potatoes. I had to tell them "No, that's Idaho."

Also every time I met a new person in my almost two decades there, they'd make the same joke when I told them where I was from. ("Ohayo" is "good morning" in Japanese.) Ha ha ha...I'd say. Good one. Never heard that before.

 

[jye4ever]

I can only imagine what NJ is in Japanese then.

 

[jye4ever]

Ford kept telling the stunt men to stop trying to make him look young riding the horse “i’m old dammit so I should look old while riding it!”

Just what Wor-Gar wants to hear lol

 

[Sachiel]

Ford clearly is in irritated porn star mode ( i.e. "Hurry up and spray it on my face, I want to go shopping" )

 

[Wor-Gar]

The face of Adventure!

 

[snoop101]

Adventure has a name

 

[LiamNeesons112]

Sounds like she's a tried and true Indy fan, so yeah...she's gonna hate it.

She's showing up to see Indy's final ride, and instead she's gonna get 2 hours of snark and sass from an angry feminist.

I know my buddy is gonna pretend to like it. He insisted he liked Crystal Skull after all.

She’s going to be like your buddy and try really hard to like it and see the silver lining. She is always trying to be optimistic. Then in about 6 months, she’s just going to start trashing and hating it. All of her pent up rage will come out

 

[GhostBeard]

Adventure has a name

... and now it's Mickeyana Jones and the Crass Money Grab.

 

[Sweet Rabbit]

With Keaton Batman and Indy back on the big screens -- just like 1989 all over again -- I am guessing that Batman will once again trounce poor Indy. Sad.

And like 1989, I can see myself leaving the theater after Dial of Dead-to-me wholly disappointed.

34 years... and history repeats itself.

Except ‘89 was better

 

[Sweet Rabbit]

But yeah, I had a minor traffic accident on the way to seeing TLC in 1989 and it did turn out to be somewhat prophetic in terms of the movie.

Take this a sign people

 

[Prime Clone]

... and now it's Mickeyana Jones and the Crass Money Grab.
View attachment 642200

Sad to say I own both of these...

 

[Wor-Gar]

View attachment 642154

Fits right in with the above.




I wonder who that wonderful actor was who they got for the first Indy movie. They should have kept him.

 

[Wor-Gar]

Never did I think Disney was a good idea. It's Disney.

 

[karamazov80]

Sad to say I own both of these...

Funny that that Kermit was made before Disney owned the Indiana Jones, though it came out around the same time Disney gobbled up the Muppets. And now it has both! Reminiscent of when Star Wars was on the Muppet Show back in the '70s. . .

Anyway, this movie looks absolutely terrible. Not planning on seeing it in the theaters.