OH hahahaha.
Is it me - or are the newer collectors spoiled brats!
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Blackthornone
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That's the biggest thing. Kids these days do not appreciate anything.
Example:
My 15 y/o son is a perfect example. We take him to concerts, movies, NASCAR races, Monster, Jam, etc... None of these things are free. Or cheap by any means. I do more things for and with my kids in one year than my parents ever did my whole time as a kid. Don't get me wrong. I don't spoil them. They don't really ask for much at all. I just try to give them things that I didn't get when I was growing up.
But when it comes time to help out around the house it is like pulling teeth. He doesn't want to do anything. And when he does I am usually having to follow behind him to make sure he does it right. No appreciation for the things we do. And that is not how he was raised. It is a shame. And it is nothing more than pure laziness.
Does he WANT to go to all of those things, like NASCAR and MONSTER, or does he just go along with you because you are into it, so he can go somewhere with you? Have you ever asked him if he is really into that stuff? Parents tend to be quick to pay to take children to things THEY like themselves but are less inclined to pay for something only the child likes. Taking your child to something he picks out would definitely get him the message that you are doing something for him and he should be grateful. If you want to see a movie, you basically have to take your children along too, or risk looking like a jerk.
You should give him an allowance based upon doing chores. No performance= no money.
I always had to earn money from my parents. Mowing lawns or washing cars. They paid me small, too.
Blackthornone
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What can you do?? The government won't let you beat em.
And everybody needs a good beating or 2 to have a chance at growing up proper,
The only thing that does is tell your child you disagree, and they knew that before you beat them. It doesn't prove you or your point of view is RIGHT. You have to prove your point of view is right to them in a way they understand and then they will comply. If you beat your kids into obedience without proving you are right, you are teaching them it is ok to beat someone to get them to comply with your wishes, whatever they might be. "Give me your lunch money", hit someone because of something they said, or use force to get women to have sex with you. It plants a seed that leads to a very slippery slope.
Blackthornone
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Oh man. That actually happened? Perfect example. I remember going to my niece's graduation from HS and one of the student's mom was saying how her daughter was upset and wouldn't talk to her for 2 weeks because she and her husband bought her a BMW for graduation - and she wanted a Benz.
A car is a big investment, and is a very prominent thing in your life. You shouldn't receive one that you don't want. Having to look at and use something every day that you don't want can be really demoralizing. At the same time, if the money isn't there for what you do want, you should get nothing until you agree with the person buying you a car what you can get. I don't like the idea of surprise cars that weren't specified, because taking care of a car is a lot of work, and if I am going to take care of it, I want to love it, or at least be satisfied.
I think her gripe was legitimate. She should have gotten nothing on graduation until she selected an affordable Benz.
We are all into NASCAR. I have permanent seats for Dover for 17 years. Three years ago we added a ticket so he could go to the fall race. If he had it his way he would go to both. Monster Jam is his thing. We all have a good time when we go but it is primarily for him. When we took a vacation to the OBX two years ago we made a surprise stop at the Grave Digger shop. It just so happened Dennis Anderson, the driver of Grave Digger, was there that day. He got his autograph and picture taken with him. It was the highlight of the trip for him. Concerts are a family thing too. We go to several but he and my daughter don't go to them all.
As far as allowance we have chosen not to do that because when he goes to his mothers they give him money for doing anything. He has it in his head now that in order to help out around the house he should get paid for it. It is not my obligation as a parent to pay him for helping out around the house. I have custody. I put a roof over his head, clothes on his back and food in his mouth. And get very little financial help from his mother.
Blackthornone
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I see. I guess you spoke to your wife about this. The only thing I can see now is to try and reason with him. Use a little guilt. BTW, I used to see NASCAR races at Dover Downs with my father way back. I'm from Delaware.
What he gets to do as far as races, concerts, monster jam, as well as school sports is all hinged on his attitude, grades and willingness to help out around the house. He has a monster jam next week in Baltimore hanging in the balance right now. LOL
Darth Cruel
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This is kind of a generalization. Can you elaborate on this?
devilof76
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Almost sounds like it would be cool to beat them as long as you thoroughly validate your point of view. 
Darth Cruel
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Almost sounds like it would be cool to beat them as long as you thoroughly validate your point of view.
LOL...I was thinking more in the vein of "Spankings are not the evil, monster-making horror that many people would have you believe."
But I think you knew that.
devilof76
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That, I did. I also knew that calling a spanking a beating is hyperbole of the highest order, as well as pure ignorance.
You're one smart mother____er Darth Cruel.
You're one smart mother____er Darth Cruel.
1) I didn't start this thread to imply that ALL new collectors are historically brats. That wouldn't make sense since we were all new at some point. I'm stating the observation that the recent breed of new collectors have been/are noticeably bratty.
2) There's nothing I can teach a newbie who rather than asking for help with something - is demanding it like he is entitled to have it. I'm generally pretty helpful almost to a fault. But I have my limits too.
3) I also should point out that the bratty behavior I complain about were exhibited on the HT FB page(s). I haven't experienced that much of the brat behavior on SSF.
Uncanny Web-Slinger
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Oh man. That actually happened? Perfect example. I remember going to my niece's graduation from HS and one of the student's mom was saying how her daughter was upset and wouldn't talk to her for 2 weeks because she and her husband bought her a BMW for graduation - and she wanted a Benz.
[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90HhZ-pyC2Y"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90HhZ-pyC2Y[/ame]
I remember seeing that one! She was mad because she wanted her mom to give her the car at the party so she could show off with it.
Poor thing. Her life is so hard!
Blackthornone
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Everything anyone ever did, they did because they believed it was the best thing they could be doing at the time to get the best possible results in their lives to get the best possible quality of life. When people do bad things, it is because they believe they are good, or at least neutral, as a means to an end.
If you want someone to stop doing something that is bad, you have to explain to them WHY it isn't going to give them the best results for their lives and actually hurts their quality of life whether they notice it at the time or not. When someone understands this,then they will want to stop.
Find out what they wanted to achieve in term,s of meeting their most fundamental needs which was the basic reason why they did it and give them some better alternatives and explain why they work better. Then that person will stop doing that bad behavior and start doing good behaviors.
They will not do bad behaviors and do good behaviors whether they are concerned with getting caught or not from then on.
Punishment doesn't work. It just forces people to be more careful about getting caught. Maybe that means that there are some situations in which they won't do it at all because they fear getting caught or will just be more crafty so as to avoid getting caught in that situation. If there is a situation in which they won't get caught, they will do it again, and again, because they believe it is effective.
The only reason they SEEM to not do it anymore is because they are more careful about getting caught. No real change has been made.
Using violence to end bad behavior only proves disagreement, and nothing more. It does not prove truth. The idea that it proves rightness or truth is basically the "might makes right" belief.
On the other hand, because using violence, ie hitting or spanking to punish does not teach someone why something is bad, only to avoid doing it, it can cause the opposite effect, which is to make the child far less curious to learn and find out things about the world, because they fear mistakes, since making mistakes got them hit. As they have no real understanding of why what they did was wrong, they seek only to avoid all situations which could possibly result in a negative outcome. Since They don't know the outcome of an unknown situation, these children fear the unknown. They fear getting involved in ALL unknown situations. Thus, spanking stifles general development of the individual .
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