My girlfriend and I broke up.

[Eli26]

I have mixed feelings. I am very sad because I wanted to marry this woman, and she wanted to have kids. We loved eachother a lot.

Sadly I found out that love isn't everything.

Having said that, I will miss her but we had a pretty ugly fight tonight. I said some pretty mean things I won't be able to take back.

I said I wanted to end it because...

1. She wants me to sell my stuff and constantly puts it down and calls it crap.

2. She hates my cats and wants me to get rid of them, yet they have been a part of my life for 18 years.

3. She constantly makes lists for me of what I should do.

4. I always feel like I am taking her and treating her out.

5. She doesn't get along with any of my friends.

6. She constantly scolds me.

Yet I feel awful losing her... why?

Maybe she never did love me. She wanted this perfect guy.... honestly I got fed up being this guy she wanted so I said I wanted to end the relationship.

I hope I made the right decision. Nobody should have to change for anyone.

Like a buddy once said... a ton of times okay...

Women are _____'ed so _____ them!

 

[raider]

sorry to hear that mate, but that just sounds like a typical woman, its just how good you can just ignore them and just say Yes dear anything you want dear.

i think most of the people on hear have another half that would rather you sell your collection.

 

[DinoLast]

I used to date a girl from the States who hit me a lot. She once threw my car key's in the front yard while it was dark and then punched me full on the nose while I was looking for them, causing me to have a massive nose blead.
Regardless of that, I was still crushed when we broke up, so much so I flew back to England a week later.
It took me a year to get over her, but I then met my Wife who's my heart and soul. Now I look on this abusive relationship as a lucky escape.

 

[Morbo]

sounds like you did the right thing by ending it. You can't be in a relationship like that, it's not fair on you.
It always hurts when people break up, but you'll get over it eventually. spend time with your friends to take your mind off her, and just remember that YOU deserve to be treated right, and not be taken for granted or abused.

 

[EVILFACE]

Sucks man, but if she is not willing to accept what make you happy, there is no need to continue.

 

[Valfar]

Weird, most women i meet are crazy cat ladies. Man, i am telling you..there is way better out there then what you had, just be patient and things should turn around for the better again soon, just go hang out with some people who support what you like and do etc.

 

[GondorGirl]

Sorry to hear about your problems But as others have already said you two are obviously just not right for each other...you'll miss her because your used to being with her but that will soon fade and you'll get over it....you deserve better

...oh and we're not all like this

 

[MikeBrown30]

You dodged a bullet by splitting with her. Who wants to hang around a woman that constantly tells you off, and tries to change you? All you can do to get over her is:

- Ignore her, cut all contact
- Start seeing other women
- Spend more time with your friends, and do things that you enjoy

 

[Eli26]

Well, in her defence I became very ugly towards the end.

Being a full-time film student and being stressed out enough with that as it is (heavy case load that never seems to end), you would think that the person who is with you would add to your life and take away from that stress. Rather than adding to it.

We started out as the perfect couple. Then she found out I had Maxims and that was where her confidence and trust started to fade with us. Apparently looking at fully, yet provocatively, and scantily clad dressed woman is cheating. In her mind, it's cheating on a mental level. So you're not truly faithful to your lover. I remember her going on a rampage ripping up my collection. I was like, they are fantasy only. You're my fantasy come reality. These women are just some girls on paper that live thousands of miles away. I have no intention of tracking them down.

I never got that since I have never been known to cheat on anyone. I am as innocent as they come.

1. Not a stalker.

2. I am a student. Too poor to stalk Maxim girls.

So right off the bat there was absurdity in the relationship and how she viewed certain things.

She would always ask questions that would provoke fights or arguments. Would you dump me if a prettier girl came along and asked you out?

If I got fat would you still love me. Then it got worse, and went to some scary stuff I choose not to share with this forum out of respect to the then relationship. Mostly towards the ex.

And anytime I was near the end of a semester like the first one of the year... she called me up and said we're done because apparently I had some stupid website with a chick (again fully dressed) on it, and she was like how can I trust you? She dumped me, but would take me back the same day. But it really f'ed with my head that day. I couldn't get anything accomplished. Who does that, really? And then the negative BS started to build up. That happened during the midst of a heavy project and exam time. Lets just say I lost a lot of muscle and weight during that time due to stress, lack of sleep, and diet. Thankfully I gained back a lot of that muscle in the following semester.

Lets just say I became an uglier person because of the relationship. I started cursing and yelling at her. I didn't like where I was heading. All I know is I am better without her, because I was starting to get scared with how angry I would get. Nobody should ever get you to that state, but man... the nagging just never stopped. It came at the worst times.

So yes, I would say she also did better by getting rid of me.. we both played a factor in the breakup. As much as we loved eachother, we knew how to press eachother's buttons.

I never want to become that abusive tool that we hear so often about, and wonder why these women stick with them.

 

[MaulFan]

Sucks man, but if she is not willing to accept what make you happy, there is no need to continue.

Exactly, there's compromise and then there's change. If you spend say $3000 a year on collectibles and she wants you to cut it back to like $1000, that's compromise. If she wants you to cut it back to nothing and get rid of what you have that's change.

I decided a long time ago, as silly as it may seem to some people, being a collector and all is part of who I am, loving movies and all the way I do has been a part of who I am since I was a little kid. Everything a person may like about me is influenced and defined by that aspect of my life as well, so to not accept that aspect of my life would feel like not accepting me as I am.

The most important thing in a love relationship is that the person your with love you and accept you as you are, that they value who you are and choose you for just what you are when they meet you. They may not like it all, but they still appreciate you regardless and don't feel the need to change you or try to.

You made the right call. You may really care for who she is and miss it, you'll hurt missing the good parts of your relationship, but long term the relationship would be damaging if you stayed together and you spent the rest of your life feeling like you always have to work to meet her expectations. Someone who truly loves you will not expect you to be a certain person, they will love you for the person you already are.

 

[MaulFan]

I never want to become that abusive tool that we hear so often about, and wonder why these women stick with them.

In my experience, those women have no self-esteem. They actually come to feel like that's the best they deserve, and sometimes even reject someone trying to treat them better because they don't feel they deserve it. It's really ^^^^ed up.

 

[LordAzrael]

I decided a long time ago, as silly as it may seem to some people, being a collector and all is part of who I am, loving movies and all the way I do has been a part of who I am since I was a little kid. Everything a person may like about me is influenced and defined by that aspect of my life as well, so to not accept that aspect of my life would feel like not accepting me as I am.

The most important thing in a love relationship is that the person your with love you and accept you as you are, that they value who you are and choose you for just what you are when they meet you. They may not like it all, but they still appreciate you regardless and don't feel the need to change you or try to.

You made the right call. You may really care for who she is and miss it, you'll hurt missing the good parts of your relationship, but long term the relationship would be damaging if you stayed together and you spent the rest of your life feeling like you always have to work to meet her expectations. Someone who truly loves you will not expect you to be a certain person, they will love you for the person you already are.

x2

I'm the same. If they don't accept you as you are then they are not in love with YOU - they are in love with some ideal that may or may not exist but it isn't who you are. You can compromise but if the change is forced on you rather than coming from a desire to change - your relationship is doomed from the start.

 

[Grange Wallis]

Here is my advice, without knowing the ins and outs of it.

1. She wants me to sell my stuff and constantly puts it down and calls it crap. A worth while partner would at least respect you hobby, if if they don't understand it...

2. She hates my cats and wants me to get rid of them, yet they have been a part of my life for 18 years. That's selfish of her and shows that she's not a good quality person worth marrying... I'm allergic to cats, but I pushed past it for my Girlfriends cat and now I love the thing. Let it be know I used to hate them.

3. She constantly makes lists for me of what I should do. That's fair enough, if you're not chasing your dreams or at least happy with you current position in life. Get of you arse and do it.

4. I always feel like I am taking her and treating her out. If you've been going out for over 12 months and it's not 50/50, besides birthdays, christmas etc. You should both be paying equally. unless you are taking her out to celebrate something.

5. She doesn't get along with any of my friends. That's grounds to break up alone... This is crucial to a happy relationship.

6. She constantly scolds me. Unless you deserve it, if she's trying to change you... It's over mate. Sorry.

Yet I feel awful losing her... why?
Because you've invested tiime and are naurally upset at the fall out.

Relationships are a great thing and you'll know when you're in a good one! Forget about her and move on. Least she's not one with your group of mates, that would suck!

Hope my 101 advice helped.

 

[Eli26]

x2

I'm the same. If they don't accept you as you are then they are not in love with YOU - they are in love with some ideal that may or may not exist but it isn't who you are. You can compromise but if the change is forced on you rather than coming from a desire to change - your relationship is doomed from the start.

You and MaulFan hit it on the button. At first she didn't want to change anything about me, but as the relationship went on, so did her demands. Honestly, that was when I started having doubts and felt scared that the once flawless relationship I was in with the perfect and beautiful, not to mention intelligent girlfriend, would end up in disaster....

I said we need trust in order for this relationship to work. I have found that without trust there can be no relationship. It's pathetic and sad that we had trust issues because I had some stupid Maxim rags...

I love her though and hope she is with someone more suited and better for her. Who knows if I'll find that "someone."

I want to be a family man one day, but man... it's extremely difficult. Almost impossible to attain...that's how I feel.

 

[MaulFan]

One thing to keep in mind Eli, a lot of girls can be very insecure, it's not a reason to leave them, but, if you want to continue to enjoy the occassional Maxim or whatever, I think that be ok, just be open to either giving it up as a sign you are happier with the girl you're with than you could ever be with those girls, or really go above and beyond showing your girl that you're happy with her. Though maybe that might seem too much or a pain, everyone's different. For me, I find it empowering to be able to light a woman up thinking she's the world to me, and not as bull^^^^, but that she actually is all that to me, so I'm willing to go the extra mile. My ex would have loved if I never saw another woman in my life, she always worried I'd see someone better and leave her, but I worked hard at making her know how much she was it for me and it was rewarding to see how happy she was when I did that.

 

[Avfin]

I once wondered if someone could love and accept the real me and my four kids--then I found my best friend of my life--we have been married over 5 years and she is a wonderful support of me and me of her,
But before her I went though a time when I find out who I am and what was most important to me---
take this time for yourself man!!!!!

 

[Valfar]

You and MaulFan hit it on the button. At first she didn't want to change anything about me, but as the relationship went on, so did her demands. Honestly, that was when I started having doubts and felt scared that the once flawless relationship I was in with the perfect and beautiful, not to mention intelligent girlfriend, would end up in disaster....

I said we need trust in order for this relationship to work. I have found that without trust there can be no relationship. It's pathetic and sad that we had trust issues because I had some stupid Maxim rags...

I love her though and hope she is with someone more suited and better for her. Who knows if I'll find that "someone."

I want to be a family man one day, but man... it's extremely difficult. Almost impossible to attain...that's how I feel.

I don't read that crap personally but, Maxim is a way way better read then Cosmo, the ex read Cosmo and there was so much BS in that mag..i seriously think she believed some of the testimonials in there...

See, from now on i have become extremely picky.I will not date women that like anything in the list below.

Yoga or "Hot Yoga"
wear Lululemon
UFC
American Idol/Canadian Idol
Survivor
Have posters of half naked men on their walls
love to travel way too often
have a very busy career
say the word "random" for everything and anything.
say OMG like OMG when they get excited
want me to wear pink polo's and khaki's
RnB or Hip Hop
Top 40 radio
Musicals ex. Rent, Mamma Mia, Hairspray gag me!

Thats just a taste of what i can't stand.

 

[Ra88]

Don't worry about it man, you did the right thing. I hope this will work out for you, and that you will find someone who takes you as you are and really will be the light of your life.

 

[Shropt]

Let her go man!

Simply the list in your first post of things she wants to change about you is worth getting rid of her alone.

Women are allowed to want to change a few things about you. Those things include farting in public, hygiene, and showing your feminine side more. Women are not allowed to change things that define you including EVERYTHING in that list. Those things define you and will NEVER change no matter what any women thinks.

I don't know you or her, but it sounds like you are MUCH better without her.

I am married simply because I found a woman who loves me for me and doesn't want to change me.

A little story. When I first met my future wife it was complicated. She was from Europe and came over for a week or 2 at a time. Well, being a Hasbro Star Wars collector, there is no such thing as waiting to find that hard to find figure. Well, during one of her trips to meet me we went to Target and I found the new R2 figure I had been looking for. I secretly bought the figure and hid it in my glove compartment of my car until she left. We were still courting and I didn't want to look like a nerd. I eventually told her the story and now she loves to tell everyone about the time I hid a toy from her for a week. Also I live in Florida so my car is probably over 100 degrees and for me to be willing to torture a figure like that kinda showed my love for her too.

Long story short, if she don't love your stuff (and your cats), she don't love you. Simple as that.

 

[Hydeous]

Dude, without reading what others wrote, and just what you wrote in the 1st post. It seems like shes trying to change you to her idea of 'perfect guy' and that she's very controlling. She doesnt even give a damn of what you think or like.

You can consider yourself lucky to be able to bail out now. Who knows what shes going to put you through once you are married and have kids with her. You'd be the family dog, meaning your priorities should always come last.

You are only missing her because, and my force is strong with me on this one, that you enjoy the sex with her. But move on, mate. At the end of the day it aint worth it. There's so much more to life than being a ^^^^^ whipped and have so-so sex life. Go hang out with your buddies, spend more money on things you like, now that she's out of your life and you have spare funds.

My 2 c.