Mesa
Super Freak
You're feelings seem pretty "normal", as normal as something can be when dealing with sad news. I had the same regret when my mom passed from breast cancer 6 years ago. She survived with it for 8 years, so I was "lucky" in a sense in that I knew what was coming. Even when she passed, I still regretted not seeing her more often. That's part of the feelings you will go through dealing with it: Sadness, remorse, anger, remorse, sadness, regret, acceptance. I like to think that living 3000 miles away, going to college, and starting a career was a valid excuse to only visit a few times a year when she was dealing with it, but I still wish I could see her again and ask for her advice, unload my problems, etc.
Tell her EVERYTHING you ever wanted her to know while she's here. Even if she's asleep\medicated, do it now, don't put it off, you and your mom will feel better for it.
I just had a friend kill himself after being laid off and taking anti-depressants. Shot himself in his home with his wife and two young children (10 and 12) still in the house. I'm still working through all those emotions, mostly anger right now because he took the cowardly way out and left his family and kids to deal with all the problems he couldn't handle. His children never had that opportunity to tell him goodbye, which makes me feel so awful for them and I can't even imagine how they are processing their feelings.
If there is anything positive to come out of death, it usually brings the survivors closer together and the memories that last are the good ones where you remember all the good times you had together. When it's still fresh, you tend to focus on the negative and what else you could have done or should have said, but that will be replaced with all of the fun times you guys shared.
