Ahh, the rejection!

[CriterionCollector]

Didn't they only know each other for less than a month? I'm so confused since this post seems to imply (or at least you think) the original poster was in a very serious relationship that suddenly came to an end.

So in the end the original posters loss is really minimal. Yes, being rejected is awful (no matter what the stage is) but getting over what happened will be easier than if he'd come out of something much more serious. It sounds like she is most likely getting over another relationship, was dating someone else at the same time and chose that fella, or just wasn't interested in pursuing anything with CC. It happens in the dating game.

As a female I can tell ya that dating as a female is just as annoying and frustrating as it can be for males but for most, eventually you can find the right person to connect with. It just may take a while...and you may have to go through a heck of a lot of 'meh' to get to 'yay'! Good luck, CC!!!! Don't give up!

It's a bit different when the person totally gives you the impression that they're totally into you then they do a complete 180.
That's the gist of it.

 

[CAhobbit]

It's a bit different when the person totally gives you the impression that they're totally into you then they do a complete 180.
That's the gist of it.

But you knew her less than a month, correct? Only met in person once or a few times?

As I said...rejection at any stage is really not fun but given the amount of time you actually knew each other then I would hope not that much emotional investment occurred. Obviously there would have been some emotions involved but with each passing day you should hopefully get over it (and rather quickly). At least that would be my hope for you. She doesn't deserve you to be upset over her since she doesn't seem to be upset that she brought out the rejection hammer on you. You deserve someone that you can click with and won't do 180s and such.

Plus, it IS totally possible she really was into you at the time. But IF she was seeing someone else as well or not over someone else then the 180 can happen. Yes, it is frustrating and annoying for the recipient of that 180 but some people don't always think rationally when it comes to dating for some reason (or rather don't know how to approach it better).

• If she really wasn't over someone than she probably shouldn't have been dating in the first place. She should have taken the time to be ALONE and move one. Then dive into the dating arena.
• If she was playing the field (dating multiple people) then she should have treated it as such (eg: not plan futures verbally with someone...which I might add...BIG red flag). I had a few guys do that with me about how we would do this and that in the future (travel and such) on the first and second date....way to scare me off. I'm dating and getting to know you not wanting to plan a wedding, ha!
• If she just suddenly wasn't interested anymore then honesty is the best policy when it comes to that IMO.

 

[CriterionCollector]

But you knew her less than a month, correct? Only met in person once or a few times?

As I said...rejection at any stage is really not fun but given the amount of time you actually knew each other then I would hope not that much emotional investment occurred. Obviously there would have been some emotions involved but with each passing day you should hopefully get over it (and rather quickly). At least that would be my hope for you. She doesn't deserve you to be upset over her since she doesn't seem to be upset that she brought out the rejection hammer on you. You deserve someone that you can click with and won't do 180s and such.

Plus, it IS totally possible she really was into you at the time. But IF she was seeing someone else as well or not over someone else then the 180 can happen. Yes, it is frustrating and annoying for the recipient of that 180 but some people don't always think rationally when it comes to dating for some reason (or rather don't know how to approach it better).

• If she really wasn't over someone than she probably shouldn't have been dating in the first place. She should have taken the time to be ALONE and move one. Then dive into the dating arena.
• If she was playing the field (dating multiple people) then she should have treated it as such (eg: not plan futures verbally with someone...which I might add...BIG red flag). I had a few guys do that with me about how we would do this and that in the future (travel and such) on the first and second date....way to scare me off. I'm dating and getting to know you not wanting to plan a wedding, ha!
• If she just suddenly wasn't interested anymore then honesty is the best policy when it comes to that IMO.

I understand what you're saying but she was totally pursuing me. She's the one that contacted me. I could have gone all the way with her on our first date, but I didn't because I felt it was more than that.

 

[Boba Ben]

Whether it's one month or six months, it's still pretty disappointing when you like somebody and they do a 180 on you like that with a lame explanation like the one she gave him. She basically said he was too boring for her. If he said something like that to her, I'm sure all of her girlfriends would think he's a total ***. I say it goes both ways.

 

[CriterionCollector]

I'm not even boring. I'm stable and I think women sometimes shy away from that. Since high school I've been known as the guy you want to marry.

 

[Boba Ben]

Well that's the thing. You probably aren't boring. But even if you were, it's a crappy thing to say to someone, regardless. If you said something like that to her, you'd be vilified as an insensitive jerk.

Nevertheless, it sounds like a lame excuse for something she didn't want to tell you, anyhow. You'll probably never know, and it's probably better that way.

 

[The Ween]

Whether it's one month or six months, it's still pretty disappointing when you like somebody and they do a 180 on you like that with a lame explanation like the one she gave him. She basically said he was too boring for her. If he said something like that to her, I'm sure all of her girlfriends would think he's a total ***. I say it goes both ways.

That happens to both men and women. And some people find it easier to break it off by saying things like that rather than just say I don't think it will work out.

I'm not even boring. I'm stable and I think women sometimes shy away from that. Since high school I've been known as the guy you want to marry.

You probably aren't boring to most women. Either to her you are, or she was just trying to make it easier on herself to break it off with you by saying that.

I think most women have had a guy seem to be all into them until they slept with them or tell them no, only to have them do the 180. Believe me, it's worst after being intimate.

You'll be all right CC. There's plenty of fish in the sea, as they say. You just have to get right back on that horse.

 

[Boba Ben]

That happens to both men and women. And some people find it easier to break it off by saying things like that rather than just say I don't think it will work out.

Maybe it's just me, but I think the things won't work out thing is a far better approach. It isn't pointing out a flaw in the person. It's a faultless statement that doesn't place the blame on him or her. When she says that she wants somebody that's more exciting and adventurous, it's putting him down a bit. Seems kind of crappy to me.

 

[CAhobbit]

I understand what you're saying but she was totally pursuing me. She's the one that contacted me. I could have gone all the way with her on our first date, but I didn't because I felt it was more than that.

There doesn't seem to be any error in how you dealt with her or the situation. It's just so unfortunate that you were pursued by a person that had some other things going on in her life that prevented you two from making a go at something more (whatever that 'other thing' might be).

I'm so sorry it happened of course. Dating is hard with all the rejection that can come with it (especially from someone you really felt a connection with and future). But perhaps all this just means a even better lady is out there then this one (that can't even give you clear answers).

Whether it's one month or six months, it's still pretty disappointing when you like somebody and they do a 180 on you like that with a lame explanation like the one she gave him. She basically said he was too boring for her. If he said something like that to her, I'm sure all of her girlfriends would think he's a total ***. I say it goes both ways.

Apologies if I'm not getting my point across but I have said on multiple occasions that rejection IS difficult no matter what the stage and I don't think I've ever said that what she said was right or her actions were right either. But I will say that it is entirely possible she was INTO CC at the time and did have a change of heart for who knows why. Does it suck? Of course! Should she have been totally honest? Of course! Will CC move on and find someone that truly is into him? I can't see the future but I can certainly hope he does cause frankly he deserves it.

 

[Frank]

I understand what you're saying but she was totally pursuing me. She's the one that contacted me. I could have gone all the way with her on our first date, but I didn't because I felt it was more than that.

She found out you didn't do analogies and split!

 

[Lejuan]

I'm not even boring. I'm stable and I think women sometimes shy away from that. Since high school I've been known as the guy you want to marry.

I am one of those, and have been through the scenario you're describing. At least she told you straight up, instead of making up a lame excuse that leaves you hanging for weeks wondering why she stopped wanting to see you.

And despite nearly bedding her on the first date, I'd pocket the boner until at least the second or third date. Whack it on the head if you need to. Stash an ice-pack in your jocks. Restrain the boner.

 

[Boba Ben]

Apologies if I'm not getting my point across but I have said on multiple occasions that rejection IS difficult no matter what the stage and I don't think I've ever said that what she said was right or her actions were right either. But I will say that it is entirely possible she was INTO CC at the time and did have a change of heart for who knows why. Does it suck? Of course! Should she have been totally honest? Of course! Will CC move on and find someone that truly is into him? I can't see the future but I can certainly hope he does cause frankly he deserves it.

Of course you've made your point, but you did highlight that not much emotional investment should be put into the blossoming relationship after a few dates, and I was just countering that a bit. I didn't go into much depth about it with my statement, but my thought is that the emotional investment and the amount of disappointment one experiences are all dependent upon the individual and what he or she is going through. If you really hit it off with someone, you might be really hopeful about the prospect of having a relationship with this person even if it's only been a couple of dates. It could still be quite a blow to the ego and confidence.

I agree with you, though. It sucks and she should have been more honest with him. I wish Criterion well. Perhaps this is a blessing in disguise and the perfect person for him is around the corner.

 

[CriterionCollector]

I am one of those, and have been through the scenario you're describing. At least she told you straight up, instead of making up a lame excuse that leaves you hanging for weeks wondering why she stopped wanting to see you.

And despite nearly bedding her on the first date, I'd pocket the boner until at least the second or third date. Whack it on the head if you need to. Stash an ice-pack in your jocks. Restrain the boner.

She wanted to pretty badly, but she told me she never slept with someone on the first date so I held her to that. I also thought it would cheapen everything.

 

[Sachiel]

You'll be all right CC. There's plenty of fish in the sea, as they say. You just have to get right back on that horse.

The... seahorse?

 

[The Ween]

Maybe it's just me, but I think the things won't work out thing is a far better approach. It isn't pointing out a flaw in the person. It's a faultless statement that doesn't place the blame on him or her. When she says that she wants somebody that's more exciting and adventurous, it's putting him down a bit. Seems kind of crappy to me.

I'm not saying it wasn't crappy, because it was, but some people just do that. I've had it happen to me. It could just be she isn't much of a communicator.

 

[Boba Ben]

I'm not saying it wasn't crappy, because it was, but some people just do that. I've had it happen to me. It could just be she isn't much of a communicator.

I've had it happen to me too. Maybe that's why I'm so bitter about it when I see it happen to others.

There's a long story about the girl that kind of messed me up, but it's not worth telling here. It just makes me more sensitive to this kind of stuff, I guess.

 

[The Ween]

The... seahorse?

 

[CelticPredator]

 

[Darth Cruel]

Am I the only one who has a handle on this whole man/woman thing?

Men are from Mars and women are from Venus.

 

[devilof76]

You read that in a book!!!!