Long post alert!!
I saw that this thread had been bumped and I was hoping for the best. I think I share the feeling that a lot of us here have--reading your last update was like a punch to the gut. If we, your e-friends and fellow board members, can be impacted so emotionally by such news, then it is unthinkable how this must be hitting you.
Chase, I am truly so very, very sorry to hear this news. Many of us could share our own experiences with cancer and the havoc that it has wreaked upon the lives of our friends and loved ones. Some have recovered and others have succumbed, and all involved--regardless of the outcome--are left asking the same question. Why us? Why
this person that we love so much, when it could have been anyone else? We do so much to create a sense of order and stability in our lives, and then something like cancer storms in and knocks us senseless--and we are left feeling like powerless cogs in a vast impersonal machine that is coldly grinding over us. You might never get a meaningful answer to the question of why this has happened to you and your father. If I have any weak advice for you, it would be not to get so caught up with the question of WHY this is happening, and focus instead on the question of what you are going to do about it--how you are going to play the crappy hand that you have been dealt. That can sound like a huge cliche until you are the one actually faced with the choice. I don't want to start a debate or derail the thread by quoting the Bible or something like that, so I will turn to Tolkien instead, and Gandalf's conversation with Frodo:
‘Always after a defeat and a respite, the Shadow takes another shape and grows again.’ ― ‘I wish it need not have happened in my time,’ said Frodo. ― ‘So do I,’ said Gandalf, ‘and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.’
None of us are guaranteed a long and painless life, but we each have the opportunity to make the most of our time on this earth, however unjustly abbreviated it may be. Regardless of the meaning or significance your own beliefs cause you to read into the passing of a human life from this stage into the next, there is one thing we can agree on--this particular life is valuable. Your father mattered and his loss will be substantial. Death awaits us all, along with its inevitable transition into what lies beyond, and we can run kicking and screaming away from that moment, or we can dig in our heels with courage and face that moment when it arrives. And yes, it is even possible to find a peace that allows you to look ahead with hope. But I believe that it is difficult--and perhaps impossible--to do that alone.
You have been given these moments at your father's side and I suggest that you make the most of them. In one sense, you should invest yourself for your own sake, so that you know that you took advantage of every last minute you had with him. Don't look back years from now and wish that you had seen him just once more. Look back with a confidence and assurance that for all the good it did, at least you were there by his side. And that is perhaps more important for him than for you. Because the other reason you should invest yourself is all about him. Perhaps your job right now is to stay by his side and give him the strength and love and support to face his destiny with grace and courage. You might be powerless to give health and healing to his physical body, but you can take care of his soul. You can make sure that he knows that he does not face his destiny alone, but in the loving presence of his son.
To hold the hand of a loved one as they lay dying is one of the most painful experiences we can have, while at the same time it is one of the most loving and compassionate gifts that we can give. I pray that if he is indeed facing the end, that he will be able to find a peace before that moment comes, and if you can help him to do that--however difficult it may be--then I pray that God will give you the strength to do it. Thank you for allowing us to come alongside you in a similar way, even if it is to a far lesser extent. You need support as well, and we are honored that you would open up this part of your life and allow us to share your concern and keep you in our hearts, minds and prayers. Please keep us updated as you are able, and know that neither you nor your father are alone in this.
