Re: DarkArtist's Creations of DOOM!
Well, speaking from my own experience, I think part of the conflict here is that a fun thing has become a job, and that job exists within the same physical space as the fun.
Everyone knows I posts graphics on here, but I also would do them at my job, and the job stuff sometimes would get hard and suck, but being able to drive away and leave it and come home to my little mantown of sorts and be surrounded by what lifts me up, was therapeutic, I could have my fun, recharge myself, go back to work the next day fresh.
Josh and all the custom artists at this site work from home, there is no place to escape from the dark cloud over their head, they can't just go have fun with their collectibles, the job items are just a few feet away anywhere they go.
I think as a general rule in life, but definitely for artists, mixing home and work into the same physical location can be dangerous unless you create a legitimate studio or a separate building on your property you go into that feels complete separate from your home and when you're in either place, you feel you're not in the same place. You cand stuff your work in a closet or whatever, but if you're in the same rooms and all and associate everything you see in your home with your work load, it's going to take a toll on you, there will be no escape.
Thanks for all of the comments guys, I really needed it today. The cloud hanging over me was especially black and heavy, and with the weekend being my off days from the gym (my escape these days)... I had nothing but time to dwell on it.
It is exactly as Sean said. There is no real escape. I live in my studio, I type in my studio, I eat here... the work is never far from me at any time of the day. The hours I spend in the gym is the only time I have away from it all, and probably why I have been able to throw myself into it with such vigor.
With no local friends, the pressure of the studio/home environment only become greater and harder to deal with.
Honestly, if I won the lottery...or had the money right now... I would return all of the work.. with a sincere apology written....all of the money... even a few gifts... I would give it all back. If I only could. God, to be free of that burden once and for all. But I can't. It's just not possible.
I know I just need to keep plugging away at it, and hopefully with some passion... if anything... because you guys deserve it.
Once I am done, I plan on reevaluating what I desire artistically. Whether that be sculpting, painting traditionally, or writing... But NEVER again for profit, and never again on demand. I don't have the heart for it.
Art for me was never about money, it was always about sharing myself with others in a way that expressed my feelings or talents. It was me trying to make a difference. I didn't care about being the next big thing in customizing, I didn't want to be one of the big dogs... I just wanted to matter... It was my small attempt at a legacy, after a lifetime of failures. I just found something I could do, and wanted to share that with as many people as possible. My Mother died at 31, and here I am 28... I just wanted to leave more behind than a few family stories and sadness.
I feel like I have done something, made some small impacts here and there. But I should have stopped a year ago, I should have slowed down and not taken the orders. I shouldn't have allowed it to outgrow me. But with the Wife and I struggling, and money tight, bills, tuition... I had to do it, and I thought I could handle it. But I can't. And it tears me up that I ever allowed it to get like this.
Now my small impact will be mired by the failure of the end. That I allowed the house of cards to crumble around me, and made my loyal customers wait forever because I was artistically impotent. So ends the "legend" of DarkArtist.
The lesson here is that art should always just be art, it should never be a means to make a buck. Once that happens, the soul of the true artist cannot survive. Those who are heartless enough to make it, can get by and strive. Those who actually care about art, are doomed to fail. Unless they do work because they WANT, and sell it later. Once it becomes work on demand, it's not going to work. At least for the "pure" artist.
I'll leave this hobby to those brave souls who can stomach it, and may they be more successful than I was at navigating it's treacherous waters.
