Getting over my wife cheating on me..

[915stag51]

i would not be able to trust her again and would leave her but thats just MHO......

 

[Jen]

"Married for 11 years together for 13. Have one 9 year old son. Relationship was rocky for the first 5 years but then got better, MUCH better....so I thought...?"

But he doesn't mention anywhere that they have fought in front of their boy. It seems that the past 6 years have been a pleasant family environment for their child. Right?

My point is, if they can reconcile their situation for the sake of their boy then its worth it. Somewhat moving on if there already is an established peace in the household. If thats the case then their boy will be fine - raised by both mother and father.

I think you misread my post - I said that if they can salvage this relationship then it is worth a shot. But if they can't and there is animosity, mistrust or resentment - I don't see how that can be a positive environment for a child. A child can still be raised by both parents in a divorce - it just requires commitment on both of their parts to make it work.

 

[Voorhees27]

I did misread it my bad.

I just read the opening part where you agreed with GB that didn't agree with trying to make it work for the sake of the child.

My head hurts now

 

[galactiboy]

I think you misread my post - I said that if they can salvage this relationship then it is worth a shot. But if they can't and there is animosity, mistrust or resentment - I don't see how that can be a positive environment for a child. A child can still be raised by both parents in a divorce - it just requires commitment on both of their parts to make it work.

Yep, I agree with Jen on this part of it as well. If couples can get past issues and want to stay together than great. But if not then, even if there is no direct conflict in front of the child, there is tension in the home and this can become detrimental long term.

Stay together because you want to, not soley because you think it will help your child. Even children of divorce can have a stable environment.

 

[Bannister]

I confronted her again. She denied it at first but then admitted, not to cheating, but to lying to me and just hanging out with this guy outside of work. Later she admitted to me that he bought her stuff and then prceeded to pull the stuff out of the closet, which she had hidden there for months without me knowing?? She said they were just friends and that he bought stuff for everyone...

If the guy bought stuff for everyone, she would have had no need to hide it. If they were just friends, she would have no need to hide it. You obviously don't know for certain, but I wouldn't exactly take what she says at face value either, since she hasn't had a problem lying to you for months.

 

[Sweet Rabbit]

drop her off

she obviously cheated. good rule of thumb is if a chick starts changing how she does everything out of nowhere...keep an eye out, there's stuff goin on

 

[Jen]

If the guy bought stuff for everyone, she would have had no need to hide it. If they were just friends, she would have no need to hide it. You obviously don't know for certain, but I wouldn't exactly take what she says at face value either, since she hasn't had a problem lying to you for months.

It does sound suspicious. If I was married and had a friendship with a male co-worker - I would sure let my husband know about it and probably have him come with me if I was ever going to meet him out socially.

My male co-worker, who is also my friend, is married. I have become friendly with his wife and make sure she is around too if we are ever going out to lunch or anything social. I know my motives are pure, as are his, and I would never want his wife to think something could be up.

It's all about respecting others. If someone has to sneak around and hide something - then it is most likely something they feel guilty about. If it was just a platonic friendship, why not include your husband and why keep it a secret.

 

[The Ween]

Take it from someone who works with kids, don't ever stay together just for their sake. You won't be doing them any favors.

I personally think they were messing around. It isn't just friendship. You don't make that many calls and texts to man who is just your friend if your married. You don't lie about him, you don't hide gifts from him. A guy doesn't buy a woman stuff unless he's either getting some, or that he'll get some soon. And if this was going on for 6 months, then he's getting some.

Good luck to you if you can forgive and forget and you can get past this. Only you can decide what's best for you.

 

[The Chaver]

Yeah, the guy she was seeing was single. That's a red flag right there. He actually came over my house last December while I was out buying a plasma tv with my step dad. I got home witht he Tv and my wife came up to me with her hands in the air saying " don't get mad.. don't get mad, but Joel bought me this stuff for Christmas!" (This was in the beginning, before I knew anything was going on.) I looked at the stuff he bought her and it was over a hundred dollars worth of Hello Kitty ____.. Yes, my wife likes Hello Kitty! But yeah, I was a little wierded out by it because she was very defensive about it and because this guy showed up to at my place while I was gone and HE KNEW WHERE I LIVED!!. I never even met the guy before. Why does this guy know where I live?? She said that he googled her? I was like okay... But he can't introduce himself to me? something felt wrong!

But I believed her and what she said about the guy was just really nice to his coworkers.... Thats how much I trusted my wife....I did however say to her that "I thought she didn't like him and vice versa?" She said that they have there ups and downs.. I told her that she could keep the stuff but that I didn't want him buying my wife anything ever again because it's just not right? Unless I knew him. I mean like I said before, I never even met the guy. Later on I realized she was making it that way.

 

[The Chaver]

and to top it all off the guy kept calling her after me and the wife reconciled. I tried calling him so I can tell him to ____ off but he would never answer. I then texted him...he never answered that either. Should I have been talking to him at all?

 

[The Chaver]

if there was nothing going on why lie in the first place? maybe see if you guys can get in to see a councellor or something. an objective third party may be helpful and maybe she'll be truthful in a safer environment. sorry man that sucks

She's already stated that she will not get counsling. She said she has too many bad things happen to her in the past and she doesn't want to talk about it. She says that Counslers always make people talk about their past..

 

[KitFisto]

She is ( or was ) screwing the guy plain and simple. She trying to hit you with the "I wish I did since all this is happening" to try to bait you into believing she didn't. Of course she's going to lie and say she didn't.

There is NO chance she's just been hanging around with this guy as often and as long as she has just because "He's nice".

Once a cheater....always a cheater. She'll do it again dude.

 

[Nitro]

Honestly Chaver, as much as it's going to hurt you...I'd fold 'em at this point with your wife. It seems like she is lying or is in denial...especially when she doesn't want to seek counseling (could she be hiding other things you don't know about?). I know that you want to stay together for the sake of your 9 year old...but it's only going to hurt you in the long run.

Going through a split/divorce is something of an emotional/financial drain. It feels almost like death itself. But when you realize that this woman was not the right woman for you, you'll honestly be better off in the long run. Sooner or later, you'll meet the right one that will love and respect you. That right one will be a role model that your son will be able to look up to and get advice from. You don't need to stay with someone who consistently lies and is deceitful. Let that be someone elses problem. You need to place a value on yourself as an individual to see what direction you'll take next...Good luck...

 

[Something Sexy]

and to top it all off the guy kept calling her after me and the wife reconciled. I tried calling him so I can tell him to ____ off but he would never answer. I then texted him...he never answered that either. Should I have been talking to him at all?

Yes you should have been talking to him, in fact you should be showing up to his home packing. That is pretty ____ed up. That guy is a ____ing douche bag.

 

[jonny88]

with all the STDs out there, she could get something if she is messing around and bring that back to you and your son. l would leave. just a matter of time till she does it again. l would look for a good lawyer. sorry man.

 

[creecher]

You seem to be in a position where you can at least prepare and plan for the future. Your future, and whether or not your son stays with you or her.

Get any money you have in a joint account and put it in your own name. Liquidity in a divorce is essential, as lawyers will tie up your financials etc. Have everything in place before the day of separation.

Don't leave when the time comes. Pack her stuff and throw it and her to the curb. Pack a couple of suitcases with some of her gear, take her for a drive, drop her off at her boyfriends and announce it's over. Then go home, change the locks, and drop off the necessary forms forms for alimony and divorce procedures.

Get in before she does or it will be alot worse for you and your son.

 

[OSCORP]

She is screwing him.

Pack your stuff and leave.

X2

 

[AllisonAmy]

IF her genuine desire for you is gone, no amount of counseling will bring it back, even if you did want things to get worked out. I'm sorry for your situation. That really sucks.

 

[The Chaver]

Honestly Chaver, as much as it's going to hurt you...I'd fold 'em at this point with your wife. It seems like she is lying or is in denial...especially when she doesn't want to seek counseling (could she be hiding other things you don't know about?). I know that you want to stay together for the sake of your 9 year old...but it's only going to hurt you in the long run.

Going through a split/divorce is something of an emotional/financial drain. It feels almost like death itself. But when you realize that this woman was not the right woman for you, you'll honestly be better off in the long run. Sooner or later, you'll meet the right one that will love and respect you. That right one will be a role model that your son will be able to look up to and get advice from. You don't need to stay with someone who consistently lies and is deceitful. Let that be someone elses problem. You need to place a value on yourself as an individual to see what direction you'll take next...Good luck...

Believe me man, I was a wreck after she did this to me. I thought if something like this ever happened between us that I would leave her for sure, but when it happened my feelings were to the contrary..You may be right about there being someone else out there better for me. But I really do love this women and I am going to give her a chance, wit strings attached of course, and she knows this!

But it's been about six months since the incident and I've gotten much better at letting it go and forgiving her. Don't get me wrong, I still get mad at her (on the inside) for what she did to me but it's gotten a lot better at managing becasue she has been so nice and there for me. What I'm trying to say is she's not just showing me she can be trusted but she we have become more romantic and spend tons more time together. Is this a sign that she is willing to change and is sorry for what she did? I hope so.. But If she is just playing nice to get her trust back so she can go whore around amd I find out about it, she's getting kicked to the curb!

But having said that, I think you guys are right about her actually doing the guy on probably more than one ocassion. I kinda knew this but was in denial myself I guess..

 

[The Chaver]

IF her genuine desire for you is gone, no amount of counseling will bring it back, even if you did want things to get worked out. I'm sorry for your situation. That really sucks.

Yeah, I thought about that too. I would never have thought that I would be undisrable to my wife. That's ____ed up! Because when I think about the great sex we had and for some reason our conversations have always been a little stale but then I thought that's what happens after ten years of marrage? But the sex has always been outstanding! I never could understand why people who get married and have a great sexual partner need to have sex with someone else besides their partner?? I'm good with one. I don't need to be sneaking around with another one just so I can get some. If I want some I'll ask my wife. If she's not in the mood then I'll beg for it. LoL!

But yeah I basically let her get away with this. I didn't leave or anything. I didn't fight it out with her, so to speak, on a daily bases. After about a few months, after I was feeling better about my self, I told her that if she didn't want to be with me and she wanted to be witht his guy, that I would go. She said "no no, I don't love him it's mot like that. I want to be with you". So I feel like if she wanted to be with him or someone else she would have left and did that. But, this tells me that if she did screw the guy and she's not in love with him then she obviously loves sex more than she's led me to believe.