Getting over my wife cheating on me..

[King Darkness]

It all sounds very suspicious to me. At the very least an emotional affair is going on; and to many that can be as bad or even worse than a physical one.

I would disagree about staying together for your son's sake. Too many times parents inadvertantly hurt their children or burden them with guilt for staying together "for them". It sounds good on paper, but resentment can build quickly towards your spouse and even you kid.

At the end of the day you have to be either able to trust your wife or move on. Right now it sounds like you want to trust her, but you're not getting what you want to make that happen. This may be an extreme option, and could lead to a lot more trouble, but you could hire a private investigator. Although if you are at that point I'd think the relationship is pretty well done.

There is also counseling, could help to open up a dialog about what's going on.

Take it from someone who works with kids, don't ever stay together just for their sake. You won't be doing them any favors.

I personally think they were messing around. It isn't just friendship. You don't make that many calls and texts to man who is just your friend if your married. You don't lie about him, you don't hide gifts from him. A guy doesn't buy a woman stuff unless he's either getting some, or that he'll get some soon. And if this was going on for 6 months, then he's getting some.

Good luck to you if you can forgive and forget and you can get past this. Only you can decide what's best for you.

Damn chavez sorry to hear about this. Think about how things progressed...she lied from the start about every detail so far, only to eventually admit to lying...the only thing left is if she is sleeping with him. Im betting that she is lying about that one too.

If you can deal with it and get over it and want to work it out with her, more power to you. but if you simply can't Im also in the camp that says kick her ass to the curb and put your full attention to your son.

Just because you two divorce does not mean that your son will have a worse life. just a different one, but if both parents can be civil and honestly want the best for their child, you can still give him a great life.

Staying together ONLY for your childs sake is a mistake.

I would say you get seperated. As long as you're together she'll feel like she is still in a comfortable place, with you there at home and her life outside you still an option. She can have the best of both worlds if so wants them. If you leave, she'll be forced to take a hard look at what she lost and if the new exciting single life is what she actually wants, or if it was just good because it was wrong and exciting. If she comes back to you and you still want her, great! If not, then you know you made the right choice by leaving.

 

[gunm]

It does sound like your wife isn't happy in the marriage, yet is too afraid to take the next steps in the process. I'd really advise you two to seek counseling to see if the marriage can be saved or not instead of you trying to second-guess her feelings on an Internet message board.

If she is resistant, I think you need to take a stand and advise her that the marriage isn't going to work unless you both can lay your cards on the table and decide how you both are going to live your lives and still keep the responsibilities of being parents as your top priority.

As others have stated, do not cling to an ideal of staying together for your child's sake--an unhappy household of mistrust does not benefit the children.

Good luck to you both.

 

[Darkseed]

I am real sorry to hear this man. The path you choose is yours to make but I would be very concerned that she refuses to accept accountability. Until she owns the inappropriate behavior nothing will get resolved and the door remains open to do it again. I won't speculate whether she cheated or not (in your gut you know) but she continues to lie and refuses to understands her behavior thru counseling would make me as a person very suspicious of her. I wonder if she is afraid counseling will make her reveal many truths which may cause you much pain. A tough road my friend, I wish you luck.

 

[The Ween]

I personally think she's going through a midlife crisis. Se kept telling me how she wanted more money, how she's getting old and wants a better job. I see her socializing with these teenagers that she works with at her job. She has them all over her facebook and everything. It's no wonder she feels old, she's hanging around these kids. The guy she was seeing was 25 My wife is 35 WTF??

Under normal circumstances, I don't think there's anything wrong with the age difference, but being married makes it all bad, no matter what age.

 

[The Chaver]

I am real sorry to hear this man. The path you choose is yours to make but I would be very concerned that she refuses to accept accountability. Until she owns the inappropriate behavior nothing will get resolved and the door remains open to do it again. I won't speculate whether she cheated or not (in your gut you know) but she continues to lie and refuses to understands her behavior thru counseling would make me as a person very suspicious of her. I wonder if she is afraid counseling will make her reveal many truths which may cause you much pain. A tough road my friend, I wish you luck.

She sorta does but she won't go into any details. As I hear all of your comments about how pretty much everyone here thinks she did screw the guy, she will never admit to it. She even told me that "once you do that to someone, it's never the same". I think there is some meaning in what she saying. I really do think she thinks it not a big deal. I think if I did this to her she wouldn't even care. She'd only care now if I ran off with some women. But some of you are right, she is hiding more than the affair. I feel she's hidden a lot from me. She's hidden her true self. I know that now. I am just now discovering who she really is. She shocks me sometimes. Because I never knew her like this.

I really don't know how we'll turn out? It looks fine right now and has been for the last 5 months. It only hurts when I think about what she did, which isn't as often anymore. The only thing is trying to deal with who she is now. Tough road ahead indeed..

 

[The Chaver]

Under normal circumstances, I don't think there's anything wrong with the age difference, but being married makes it all bad, no matter what age.

Yeah, your probably right. I mean now that I think of it, I don't think I would have a problem with dating someone that young. Just not when Im married to someone.

 

[pixletwin]

Here is the thing, if she was sorry she would tell the truth. So either she is telling you the truth or she isn't sorry. If she is sorry there is hope you can work things out. If she isn't sorry, well.....

 

[The Chaver]

Here is the thing, if she was sorry she would tell the truth. So either she is telling you the truth or she isn't sorry. If she is sorry there is hope you can work things out. If she isn't sorry, well.....

She's definitely not telling me everything. And the only reason I know the half of it was from my own investigative work. I think she just is afraid I will look at her diffferent if she tells me eveything.

 

[Something Sexy]

She's definitely not telling me everything. And the only reason I know the half of it was from my own investigative work. I think she just is afraid I will look at her diffferent if she tells me eveything.

You need to straight up with her. Do it tonight even. Demand she tell you everything or else it is over. If you want it to work out, which again I disagree with, you need FULL disclosure if you want the trust back.

 

[pixletwin]

You need to straight up with her. Do it tonight even. Demand she tell you everything or else it is over. If you want it to work out, which again I disagree with, you need FULL disclosure if you want the trust back.

 

[The Chaver]

And I've told her this, but I do think it would help me (in a positive way) to move on if she told me everything.

 

[The Chaver]

You need to straight up with her. Do it tonight even. Demand she tell you everything or else it is over. If you want it to work out, which again I disagree with, you need FULL disclosure if you want the trust back.

She's probably going to get pissed because I brought it up again. She's said she doesn't want to talk about it, she wants to put it behind her and forget about it. I've have been trying to reach through to her but she wont budge..

 

[occulum]

She is screwing him.

Pack your stuff and leave.

first reply says it all.

1. She's cheated (ing) on you. Period.
2. You'll never be able to fully get passed it. Any remotely suspicious activity on her part in the future will send you're suspicions thru the roof (and for good reason)
3. If you do stay together and move passed it, she'll do it again at some point. She now knows she can get over on you and BS her way thru the repercussions. When she gets bored again. She'll do it again.

Find out if she really cares. At least threaten to split up. Tell her you cant get passed what she did. If she cares any it will extremely upset her.
If it doesnt seem to bother her, its cause she either still has that guy on the side and knows she has backup, or she really doesnt want to be with you anyway. Youre wasting both of your lives being in a relationship that has no foundation and isnt growing in any way.

 

[occulum]

She's probably going to get pissed because I brought it up again. She's said she doesn't want to talk about it, she wants to put it behind her and forget about it. I've have been trying to reach through to her but she wont budge..

pissed why? I thought she didnt do anything?
She doesnt want to discuss it anymore cause she doesnt want the real info to come out.
She's playing keep-away with the truth with you. Tossing it back and forth over your head and you know damn good and well you can catch it if you want to ....

 

[pixletwin]

Exactly Occ.

I think you two at the very least need counseling.

 

[OSCORP]

Don't be afraid Chav, be a Man let your balls drop and TELL her WHATS UP!


(seen too many men put up with this kinda ____, she knows she HAS you from what i read...Prove her wrong!)

 

[Something Sexy]

And I've told her this, but I do think it would help me (in a positive way) to move on if she told me everything.

She's probably going to get pissed because I brought it up again. She's said she doesn't want to talk about it, she wants to put it behind her and forget about it. I've have been trying to reach through to her but she wont budge..

IF you want it to work out, this is the only way I see that being possibly. I am no therapist so take what I say with a grain of salt but this is the only way I really see it working in the end. If you never know the truth you really can't ever be sure to trust her again. Plus there will always be that black hole in your relationship that will most definitely come up again in the future.

 

[Deak Starkiller]

Counseling, yes. But she has got to come clean.

 

[galactiboy]

She's definitely not telling me everything. And the only reason I know the half of it was from my own investigative work. I think she just is afraid I will look at her diffferent if she tells me eveything.

That is probably the most troubling part... usually when someone is caught and remorseful it is an opportunity to "come clean" and move forward.

While I think you are doing an admirable job of trying to move on, you wife does not appear willing to give you the peace of mind needed so you can truly accept what has happened and make a decision about your future. Until she is 100% open about what happened (to herself and you) this issue will continue to persist.

I'd again make a bid for counseling. I'm a therapist (even work with couples from time to time) and we don't always have to dredge up the past and/or childhood to work on the present. So, really her fears are a bit unfounded. But if there is that much stuff she is avoiding from her past she may also benefit from individual counseling in addition to couples. Same could go for you... maybe having a therapist give you feedback would give you some direction on what you need. And by breaking the therapeutic ice it could even make your wife more comfortable with the idea.

I wish you the best, you are definitely in a difficult position no matter how this turns out.

 

[Maglor]

Without actual witnesses you'll never really know my friend. Its her word against yours. At this point my advice to you is to tough it out for your 9 year old boy. Wait until he is ready to take on the world alone and then go your seperate ways. I know it sounds like a LONG time but that boy should be your only concern right now. Love is very overrated. I love my wife dearly and trust that something like this would never happen but when a child is involved your top priority should be them no matter what. Sure your life may feel empty and sad right now but you have the choice to end it there and not make it spread any further.

I hope this helps.

"Married for 11 years together for 13. Have one 9 year old son. Relationship was rocky for the first 5 years but then got better, MUCH better....so I thought...?"

But he doesn't mention anywhere that they have fought in front of their boy. It seems that the past 6 years have been a pleasant family environment for their child. Right?

My point is, if they can reconcile their situation for the sake of their boy then its worth it. Somewhat moving on if there already is an established peace in the household. If thats the case then their boy will be fine - raised by both mother and father.

People are generally to quick to give up on relationships.