GI Joe: Rise of Cobra Discussion and Reviews [SPOILERS]

[gabberjawa]

Fook Yu!!!!!

 

[Khev]

I think what may have surprised some of you is that I really can compartmentalize things like ROC and detach from the negative to a point. I'd be more upset if it was titled GI Joe: A Real American Hero. But it isn't, and it obviously wasn't meant to be GI Joe: ARAH.

I read the introduction of the movie guide and Sommers was picked to make a global movie because Hasbro wanted to branch out with GI Joe and make it more global as a toy. ARAH doesn't mean any more to them than the original GI Joe Action Man. The subtitle, and all its context, is totally dismissable to them.

They think the names (Snake Eyes, Duke, etc.) have a built-in audience and they want to preserve that for the sake of some but they admitted that with the film they expect 90% (their number) of the audience to be built up of non-fans.

Duke has a scar on his cheek and Ripcord mentions "life-like hair" and a "kung fu grip" and those, and only those, are the references included to appeal to fans of the 60's Joes. Duke being called a "Real American Hero" is supposed to cater to us, as are the many ARAH character names. But that's it. It was otherwise built from the ground up as a fighting force representing today's climate and audience.

I was never the target audience (though they definitely tried to win me over), and because of that I'll never consider it much more than "generic Sommers action movie." Because of that it didn't, and won't, offend me anymore than The Mummy or Van Helsing did. Silly, forgettable, and ultimately pointless (from the audience's point of view) movies. In the case of ROC it was kind of fun to see ARAH wannabee's (save Channing the tool) in action. But I will never collect any paraphanilia from the film; figures or other collectibles, because its just a weak and dismissable reboot in the tradition of Beast Wars and He-Man 2002, and probably the weakest of the three.

 

[The Mike]

Well i'm 2/3 into the movie now..and its definitely a POS....

I never downloaded this. Why? Not because I thought I'd like it or dislike it but because I knew that it'd be the time where I get nailed for illegally downloading something and I'd have to be known as the guy to went to jail for downloading GI Joe. Not worth the risk.

 

[die]

I just finally saw this falcon punch of an abortion of a movie....


So here's the only GI Joe review you'll ever need...




THE BAD

-There is a new Zoolander pose and it is "THE DUKE".

-All other foms of Duke were blonde haired blue-eyed All American do-gooders. In the movie they went with a cross-eyed poor man's John Cena. "Knowing is half the rap-battle, word son!"

-I just put a lit cigar out on my own wang for trying to guess if Scarlet would be with Snake-Eyes or Duke. Oh...she ends up with token black-comedic relief? He wins her over by staring at her butt & making her feel intellectually superior? A-W-E-S-O-M-E

-Scarlett was tough as nails....then she cried and fell apart after a 3-minute catfight.

-So Ripcord earned his nickname because he jumped out of a plane and used a parachute @ the end of the movie...wait, how did he already have that nickname before? BECAUSE NOTHING HE EVER DID BEFORE INVOLVED A PARACHUTE. If you're going to make a white joe into a black joe for no reason, at least make part of it make sense...he was more like "Grunt" based on his background. At least they didn't rape the good name of Stalker though.

-Snake-Eyes runs like Forrest Gump & why do they keep calling him "Snake"...lame.

-sayin "o-h--s-h-i-t" 59 times in the movie makes the Joes sound tough, right? They couldn't curse in the cartoon, so this isn't your daddy's Gi Joe!!!

-Baroness is a regular american chick. She was hot and all, but she seemed more like the Baroness disguised as Olivia Munn diguised as the Baroness.

-They take a dump on the great parts of the comics & show, yet make small references to both? (a lame one with Breaker & bubblegum)

-A Real AMERICAN Hero? and Heavy Duty & Breaker are not?

-Nice Stuntman burn suit Storm Shadow.

-Nice bangs Storm Shadow, now go drift in a Stanza.

-Storm Shadow has a laser pistol & a pleather tuxedo.

-Cobra Commander is a mad scientist, former U.S soldier who fought alongside Duke, he's Baroness' brother & wears a face condom? Again, lit cigar to the smurfhouse for pondering if they would go with "hood or faceplate."

- Brendan Frasier, you've let yourself go.

- Zartan has been reduced to being a whistling uncle.

- Breaker had a scarf on in jail.

- Casino Royale Bond's stuntdouble as Destro.

- Nice liquid-metal-terminator lips, Destro.

-Snake-Eyes not being disfigured, just taking a vow of silence.

- "Call me Commander", "Yo Joe" and "Knowing is half...". Basically, all dialogue.

- Everybody is a surprise hologram for no reason

- Dr. Mindbender is a scuzzy biker dood?

- Snake-Eyes arctic gear & his fingerwalk of doom to get past sensors

- Duke's little "Color Me Badd" goatee (But, I guess without it, he'd look 17 years old)

- Ripcord.

- Cobra Commander going all Dr. Doom instead of the old "retreat" sneaky CC.

- Destro's backstory didn't help his story.

-Sure, she murdered all your comrades and she has bombs capable of destroying the entire planet but Duke can't hurt the Baroness and neither can Heavy Duty -who actually brings back the old Joe cartoon PSA's and reminds us not to shoot ladies (and now we know...)

-Storm Shadow had ZERO honor....well, he doesn't like killing ladies alot.

-"Rise of Cobra"? Did they actually rise? Rex says to call him "Commander", then he goes to jail. They even got the subtitle wrong.


now.....




The Good

-The Cobra Night Raven

 

[Deeznutz6]

I think what may have surprised some of you is that I really can compartmentalize things like ROC and detach from the negative to a point. I'd be more upset if it was titled GI Joe: A Real American Hero. But it isn't, and it obviously wasn't meant to be GI Joe: ARAH.

I read the introduction of the movie guide and Sommers was picked to make a global movie because Hasbro wanted to branch out with GI Joe and make it more global as a toy. ARAH doesn't mean any more to them than the original GI Joe Action Man. The subtitle, and all its context, is totally dismissable to them.

They think the names (Snake Eyes, Duke, etc.) have a built-in audience and they want to preserve that for the sake of some but they admitted that with the film they expect 90% (their number) of the audience to be built up of non-fans.

Duke has a scar on his cheek and Ripcord mentions "life-like hair" and a "kung fu grip" and those, and only those, are the references included to appeal to fans of the 60's Joes. Duke being called a "Real American Hero" is supposed to cater to us, as are the many ARAH character names. But that's it. It was otherwise built from the ground up as a fighting force representing today's climate and audience.

I was never the target audience (though they definitely tried to win me over), and because of that I'll never consider it much more than "generic Sommers action movie." Because of that it didn't, and won't, offend me anymore than The Mummy or Van Helsing did. Silly, forgettable, and ultimately pointless (from the audience's point of view) movies. In the case of ROC it was kind of fun to see ARAH wannabee's (save Channing the tool) in action. But I will never collect any paraphanilia from the film; figures or other collectibles, because its just a weak and dismissable reboot in the tradition of Beast Wars and He-Man 2002, and probably the weakest of the three.

Again Khev, you hit the nail on the head

This could have been called Army Dudes, it still sucks something fierce.

 

[thenammagazine]

I never downloaded this. Why? Not because I thought I'd like it or dislike it but because I knew that it'd be the time where I get nailed for illegally downloading something and I'd have to be known as the guy to went to jail for downloading GI Joe. Not worth the risk.

G.I. Joke: The Rise of Commercialism?

 

[BuddyGus]

I blame us. We let our kids think this kind of crap is cool.

 

[die]

After reading over more of this thread, I'm surprised to see that people feel compelled to say they like the movie... the comments sound like they feel sorry for the film at times. It would seem that you could make a Thundercats movie be 25 minutes long with nothing but explosions and stuff breaking with no Thundercats at all and people would call it "mindless fun" or a "popcorn flick" or "made for kids".

but that doesn't make it Thundercats.


We liked Gi Joe for a reason, go back and read the comics if you forgot. Kids these days could like them too. The characters were complex & the story was compelling. Fans wanted a Gi Joe movie for a reason, it was good stuff, not just kiddie toys but stuff that sparked our imagination. There's a reason why we're not have a discussion right now about Visionairies: The Movie or GoBots: The Movie.

 

[The Josh]

I don't feel compelled. I liked it plain and simple.

 

[Shai]

I just finally saw this falcon punch of an abortion of a movie....


So here's the only GI Joe review you'll ever need...




THE BAD

-There is a new Zoolander pose and it is "THE DUKE".

-All other foms of Duke were blonde haired blue-eyed All American do-gooders. In the movie they went with a cross-eyed poor man's John Cena. "Knowing is half the rap-battle, word son!"

-I just put a lit cigar out on my own wang for trying to guess if Scarlet would be with Snake-Eyes or Duke. Oh...she ends up with token black-comedic relief? He wins her over by staring at her butt & making her feel intellectually superior? A-W-E-S-O-M-E

-Scarlett was tough as nails....then she cried and fell apart after a 3-minute catfight.

-So Ripcord earned his nickname because he jumped out of a plane and used a parachute @ the end of the movie...wait, how did he already have that nickname before? BECAUSE NOTHING HE EVER DID BEFORE INVOLVED A PARACHUTE. If you're going to make a white joe into a black joe for no reason, at least make part of it make sense...he was more like "Grunt" based on his background. At least they didn't rape the good name of Stalker though.

-Snake-Eyes runs like Forrest Gump & why do they keep calling him "Snake"...lame.

-sayin "o-h--s-h-i-t" 59 times in the movie makes the Joes sound tough, right? They couldn't curse in the cartoon, so this isn't your daddy's Gi Joe!!!

-Baroness is a regular american chick. She was hot and all, but she seemed more like the Baroness disguised as Olivia Munn diguised as the Baroness.

-They take a dump on the great parts of the comics & show, yet make small references to both? (a lame one with Breaker & bubblegum)

-A Real AMERICAN Hero? and Heavy Duty & Breaker are not?

-Nice Stuntman burn suit Storm Shadow.

-Nice bangs Storm Shadow, now go drift in a Stanza.

-Storm Shadow has a laser pistol & a pleather tuxedo.

-Cobra Commander is a mad scientist, former U.S soldier who fought alongside Duke, he's Baroness' brother & wears a face condom? Again, lit cigar to the smurfhouse for pondering if they would go with "hood or faceplate."

- Brendan Frasier, you've let yourself go.

- Zartan has been reduced to being a whistling uncle.

- Breaker had a scarf on in jail.

- Casino Royale Bond's stuntdouble as Destro.

- Nice liquid-metal-terminator lips, Destro.

-Snake-Eyes not being disfigured, just taking a vow of silence.

- "Call me Commander", "Yo Joe" and "Knowing is half...". Basically, all dialogue.

- Everybody is a surprise hologram for no reason

- Dr. Mindbender is a scuzzy biker dood?

- Snake-Eyes arctic gear & his fingerwalk of doom to get past sensors

- Duke's little "Color Me Badd" goatee (But, I guess without it, he'd look 17 years old)

- Ripcord.

- Cobra Commander going all Dr. Doom instead of the old "retreat" sneaky CC.

- Destro's backstory didn't help his story.

-Sure, she murdered all your comrades and she has bombs capable of destroying the entire planet but Duke can't hurt the Baroness and neither can Heavy Duty -who actually brings back the old Joe cartoon PSA's and reminds us not to shoot ladies (and now we know...)

-Storm Shadow had ZERO honor....well, he doesn't like killing ladies alot.

-"Rise of Cobra"? Did they actually rise? Rex says to call him "Commander", then he goes to jail. They even got the subtitle wrong.


now.....




The Good

-The Cobra Night Raven

Awesome review, you pretty much sum up all the caca.

 

[CelticPredator]

You know whats funny? My theater set up D-9 and Joe right next to each other....after watching D-9 which was made with 30 mil, I walked into Joe for a sec...LMAO. Neill kicks ass.

 

[Kuzeh]

G.I. Joke: The Rise of Commercialism?

Are you kidding?

G.I. Joe has always been and always will be about commercialism...

 

[thenammagazine]

Are you kidding?

G.I. Joe has always been and always will be about commercialism...

And with this film, Hasbro has upped the anny to shamelessness.

 

[The Mike]

Downloaded this finally. Figured I'd take my chances to see what all the hype was about since a friend of mine couldn't stop raving about it. Was it a horrible movie? No. Was it a good movie absolutely not. Oh my god, in terms of a GI Joe movie it was an abomination if you were any kind of old school RAH fan, so from that aspect I understand it. I hated the Baroness/Duke angle, took away a lot from both characters. Didn't like the Scarlett/Ripcord angle either because it looked forced the entire time it was on screen. The CGI was horrible, every time it was on screen it was painfully clear that it was CGI even in the downloaded version probably more so. A lot of the things were done for effects value, like the computer systems, the accelerator suits, the machines, the rayguns but that is too be expected. Unfortunately all of that could have been achieved with just slightly modified existing technology and come off 100x more believable. Snake Eyes was cool for visual effect although the need for the molded mouth was stupid and unclear and he looked really stumpy and fat in the rubber, which is funny because Ray Park is very slender. I did like the Storm Shadow portrayal even though it was a slight departure from the books or the cartoon and Scarlett and Baroness both looked great on screen.

I'm surprised no one pointed out (or at least that I can remember) Kevin J O'Connor's role as Dr. Mindbender, he played Igor in Van Helsing and Beni in The Mummy so another Sommers alum.

As an overall movie it was okay, the plot was tired: technology holding the world hostage, the casting was alright with many of the casted not really playing as well as I've seen them play before. Quaid was horrible in this I thought and really showed his age. He was obviously the leader but played like the weak link. Tatum was just bad all around. Wayans was more subdued than normal but completely unbelievable. I felt Sienna was fine in her role although it was a watered down Baroness and didn't mind Scarlett's portrayal either. I felt actually bored midway through yawning and getting up to move around to make it through. The climax didn't feel all too exciting and even the final fight between Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow left me shrugging my shoulders looking for some kind of emotional reaction. I was more interested by the Paris scenes then the Polar Ice Cap climaxes. Gotta love though how the Joes can just take MARS tech that happens to be left at the gates of the entrance without too much hassle.

Overall I would give it a 6 out of 10. I've seen worse and it would have faired better with me as a non-Joe film but I am seriously glad I downloaded it, watched it and then trashed it instead of actually paying money for it. This is a cable film where if it happened on HBO I would have been fine with it or even a direct to DVD but as a tentpole summer film it was flop. Congrats to those who like it and I know there is a sequel coming but so far they haven't got me waiting and counting down the days for it. It ranked just above Wolverine: Origins but behind Terminator: Salvation.

Makes me wish though that Star Trek was an August release to really get me thinking that this summer season didn't crest so early...

 

[Khev]

Steve Sommers wrote a script in 1999 called "Accelerator" about people running around in those idiotic suits. The script didn't sell so he put them in the Joe movie.

 

[lerath666]

anybody know the weekend 2 sales numbers for this?

 

[FQRizzo]

anybody know the weekend 2 sales numbers for this?

From Rotten Tomatoes:

Last weekend's top film G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra tumbled an understandable 59% to an estimated $22.5M in its second weekend. After ten days of play, the $175M production is on the verge of hitting the $100M mark with $98.8M in the bank. Paramount should finish off in the vicinity of $150M from North America. Along with Star Trek and the Transformers sequel, the studio will end up scoring about $800M from its trio of effects-heavy action tentpoles with more installments to come in the years ahead.

 

[p!tu]

Steve Sommers wrote a script in 1999 called "Accelerator" about people running around in those idiotic suits. The script didn't sell so he put them in the Joe movie.

what a ******!!

 

[DPrime]

I think what may have surprised some of you is that I really can compartmentalize things like ROC and detach from the negative to a point. I'd be more upset if it was titled GI Joe: A Real American Hero. But it isn't, and it obviously wasn't meant to be GI Joe: ARAH.

That's interesting, I do the same thing. I sort of take what I like from the old cartoon series, comic and file cards and have my own take on things. Probably because, unlike SW for example, there never was one 100% agreed upon "canon".

Guess that's why so many Joe collectors have their own "Joe-verse".

 

[plasmid303]

I took the young kids in my family to see it today. They enjoyed it, I enjoyed it because they enjoyed it. In the end, with a film like this, that's all that matters to me.

I have little familiarity with the Joe franchise other than respect for its influence on modern action figures and cartoons, and I managed to sort-of like the movie because of it. Thank goodness, because otherwise I'd devolve into a tantrum-prone child.