Keeping in touch with exes

[hoodonit00]

It's kind of dumb to ask a yes no, black or white, answer to a poll question with obvious shades of gray.

Depends entirely on WHO the exes in question are.

Exactly, it would depend on a lot of things on how I'd answer.

or what happens if they were friends with the ex before they even started dating you? are they supposed to stop all communication with their "friend" because of the new relationship?
(Serious question, not trying to be sarcastic)

If it bothers the spouse then yes.

 

[hoodonit00]

It's kind of dumb to ask a yes no, black or white, answer to a poll question with obvious shades of gray.

Depends entirely on WHO the exes in question are.

Exactly, it would depend on a lot of things on how I'd answer.

No. I been cheated on before because of those "we were just friends" basis. Did you know between a male and female , even friends can often lead one thing to another? Especially old spark. Facebook friends cool, face to face friends keep it really minimal. Greet them with good attitude but stay away.


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This right here. FB is horrible for people re establishing contact with exes and hooking up.

 

[ApeManRyan]

If you are married and you are friends with one of your ex's it definitely depends on you and her. If it bothers you or her than I say don't be friends with them. If it doesn't than I say go ahead.

 

[hoodonit00]

It's kind of dumb to ask a yes no, black or white, answer to a poll question with obvious shades of gray.

Depends entirely on WHO the exes in question are.

Exactly, it would depend on a lot of things on how I'd answer.

There should be no reason to keep in touch with an ex unless you still have feelings for them. Once you have had sex with someone, it's very easy to have sex with them again. All of the angst and awkward uncertainty don't exist so you can just segway right back into it. If you're still on good enough terms to have a pleasant convo with, you obviously still have feelings for them.

One of my exes would call me every year, and want to get together. But then at the last minute, she would bring one of her girlfriends. I figured it out right away. She was unsure of her current relationship and in a moment of weakness, she'd call me. Then she would realize what she had done and try to bring her friend like a chaperone at the last second because in her mind, that made it casual and just friendly. After the 3rd year this happened and she called to invite me to meet up again, I called her on it. We fell in love in the Summer and every year she'd get nostalgic. She agreed that what she was doing wasn't appropriate or fair to me nor her bf and I told her we shouldn't see each other anymore...again. I would not add her on FB because I know she has those feelings and that would be unfair to any girls I'm in a relationship with, but also her bf. I wouldn't want that to happen to me so I extend him the same respect.

Agreed with top paragraph totally.

 

[a-dev]

I'm reminded of the Ross/Rachel/Emily situation in Friends season 4 or 5. The new wife, Emily, required that Ross cut all contact with Rachel. He initially saw no option but to do so (and argued against the others about it). The viewers of course were supposed to be completely opposed to Ross's decision because it was Rachel.

 

[The Ween]

IMO, if your spouse is against, you should respect that. If it pisses you off because you can't have that person as a friend on Facebook then you best be doing some soul searching.

 

[hoodonit00]

It's kind of dumb to ask a yes no, black or white, answer to a poll question with obvious shades of gray.

Depends entirely on WHO the exes in question are.

Exactly, it would depend on a lot of things on how I'd answer.

IMO, if your spouse is against, you should respect that. If it pisses you off because you can't have that person as a friend on Facebook then you best be doing some soul searching.

Agreed but this is causing some strain. She thinks I am being overly jealous and trying to control who she can be friends with. It has been thrown up "so I can't have any male friends". That is not the case at all. She works with a bunch of men, some of them are friends. I just don't like staying in touch with someone that you were romantically involved with. Relationships can be hard enough without throwing that into the mix.

 

[Henry Morgan*]

...It depends, it always depends on many things. Some people can't be trusted around their exes, other always end their relationships in good terms and keep talking for a long time

I never keep in touch with my exes, it weird for me. But thats just me it doesn't have to be like that for everyone




Social media doesn't count, its not the same to have an ex in facebook than hanging out with them

I'm reminded of the Ross/Rachel/Emily situation in Friends season 4 or 5. The new wife, Emily, required that Ross cut all contact with Rachel. He initially saw no option but to do so (and argued against the others about it). The viewers of course were supposed to be completely opposed to Ross's decision because it was Rachel.

Totally, it was realistic though, I mean. It depends on your point of view, there wasn't right or wrong there. Emily was a bit extreme with eliminating the forniture and stuff Rachel touched, but Ross said "I take the Rachel" and that is terrible.

It's kind of dumb to ask a yes no, black or white, answer to a poll question with obvious shades of gray.

Depends entirely on WHO the exes in question are.

It depends on everyone involved

 

[Lejuan]

I'm reminded of the Ross/Rachel/Emily situation in Friends season 4 or 5. The new wife, Emily, required that Ross cut all contact with Rachel. He initially saw no option but to do so (and argued against the others about it). The viewers of course were supposed to be completely opposed to Ross's decision because it was Rachel.

Lol, I remember that.

Er, I mean, I never watched Friends.

 

[a-dev]

Totally, it was realistic though, I mean. It depends on your point of view, there wasn't right or wrong there. Emily was a bit extreme with eliminating the forniture and stuff Rachel touched, but Ross said "I take the Rachel" and that is terrible.

True, the 'I take thee Rachel' thing would have been a major deal, maybe justifying how paranoid Emily got.

Lol, I remember that.

Er, I mean, I never watched Friends.

Shhyeah! I'm.....the same. Haven't seen an episode...

 

[The Ween]

Agreed but this is causing some strain. She thinks I am being overly jealous and trying to control who she can be friends with. It has been thrown up "so I can't have any male friends". That is not the case at all. She works with a bunch of men, some of them are friends. I just don't like staying in touch with someone that you were romantically involved with. Relationships can be hard enough without throwing that into the mix.

Is he an ex-husband, boyfriend? If he was a boyfriend, how involved were they? If it was casual dating a few times, that's one thing, but someone she was involved with more than that, well, I know I wouldn't like it.

Another thing is, when you friend someone on Facebook, they pretty much are gonna know your whole business if you post about everything. I don't know how involved with Facebook your wife is, but if she posts personal matters, that's another thing I wouldn't like.

Do you have a Facebook page as well?

 

[Solidus]

I kind of hate seeing these ”it depends” replies. If it's causing a strain on your marriage and trust issues, then she shouldn't be keeping in touch with those guys, period. And that whole, ”you're just jealous and don't want me to have male friends” is a pretty BS excuse for communicating with exes that she was involved with. You should tell her that you're okay with her having other male friends, just not those dudes.

 

[Lejuan]

If my wife had a problem with the fact that I have a couple of ex's as FB friends, I'd unfriend them, no question. I'm sure she'd do the same.

Respect for the current relationship comes first imo. Maybe there are things to be worked out between you so it may one day not be an issue - at which point she can reconnect with them maybe. In the meantime, it seems like there's some stuff to work out there, on both sides.

 

[ApeManRyan]

I definitely agree on how involved either you or her were involved in the relationship. If you were deeply involved just like I stated earlier it'll be hard to break it due to the emotions and personal experiences. I think if you or her wouldn't be fine with it than both of you can talk it out. I would think you or her would be able to stop talking to the ex's if you were not cool with it. I for one have experienced these situations and I never got the courtesy back. If you and her care for each other than there would be no problem in breaking it off.

 

[hoodonit00]

Is he an ex-husband, boyfriend? If he was a boyfriend, how involved were they? If it was casual dating a few times, that's one thing, but someone she was involved with more than that, well, I know I wouldn't like it.

Another thing is, when you friend someone on Facebook, they pretty much are gonna know your whole business if you post about everything. I don't know how involved with Facebook your wife is, but if she posts personal matters, that's another thing I wouldn't like.

Do you have a Facebook page as well?

The one that's been in the picture for a long time was her first love and the guy she lost her virginity to. That was a long time ago but he meant a lot to her then. The latest guy they almost became engaged when she was in college. Probably 20 years ago. I don't see the reasoning for it and like you, I am a jealous SOB.

 

[hoodonit00]

I kind of hate seeing these ”it depends” replies. If it's causing a strain on your marriage and trust issues, then she shouldn't be keeping in touch with those guys, period. And that whole, ”you're just jealous and don't want me to have male friends” is a pretty BS excuse for communicating with exes that she was involved with. You should tell her that you're okay with her having other male friends, just not those dudes.

I appreciate that you see where I'm coming from. I've pretty much told her what you said already. She has unfriended them but did seem a little miffed by it.

 

[Unclechopchop]

If anybody has to worry about what the other is doing, you probably shouldn't be with em. They mess around on you, that's a done deal. Cut it off and move on. Chances are they aren't thinking about you in the first place, so why should you care at that point? You can't force anybody to like/love you. Either they do, or they don't.
I hear all that "as long as she's/he's happy" crap. Well that line is for suckers! I hope that person rots in hell while I get to bag a better person. They're off probably having a bast, while you're crying in your Cheerios.
Oh, and if they happen to come back? Run them into the ground and make em pay.
So yeah, let them keep in touch with ex's. Thats when you find out what people are made of.

 

[Lejuan]

The one that's been in the picture for a long time was her first love and the guy she lost her virginity to. That was a long time ago but he meant a lot to her then. The latest guy they almost became engaged when she was in college. Probably 20 years ago. I don't see the reasoning for it and like you, I am a jealous SOB.

20 years ago? How long have you both been together? 20 years is a long time.

 

[hoodonit00]

20 years ago? How long have you both been together? 20 years is a long time.

Married 9 years almost 10, together 14.

 

[Lejuan]

I can't talk about anybody else, but the thought of being jealous of whatever my wife may or may not be up to just doesn't enter my head. We're too busy raising kids.