Keeping in touch with exes

[crows]

Agreed but this is causing some strain. She thinks I am being overly jealous and trying to control who she can be friends with. It has been thrown up "so I can't have any male friends". That is not the case at all. She works with a bunch of men, some of them are friends. I just don't like staying in touch with someone that you were romantically involved with. Relationships can be hard enough without throwing that into the mix.

I wonder if you went and started talking to an ex, what would her reaction be?

One thing I did notice of some of my relationships was that they didn't think something they were doing was bad and they wouldn't get why it would bother me,
But the moment I Did it (months later) , they were furious. And if I brought up the fact when they did it they didn't think it was that bad they would get angrier.

 

[DiFabio]

Is it okay to mate with your exes friends?

Yes, yes it is. It's called payback.

 

[crows]

is that even possible? wouldn't they take her side and avoid you on principal?

 

[Frank]

I agree that generally it's a bad idea. I would be open to exceptions, in particular one that screams they were never good as a couple on the awkward friendly side. If it was highly passionate in anyway, I'd say absolutely not. It's just too easy to fall back into old habits especially when there's been enough time to forget all the negatives that broke them apart.

 

[Devil_666]

wouldn't they take her side and avoid you on principal?

You'd think that.. but no.

 

[hoodonit00]

Sorry everyone. Not only is my wife pissed at me, she's now pissed at all of you as well... No not really but I think she is surprised. When we first started on this I told her the majority of people thought like I did. She asked a couple people at work who seemed to think it was no big deal though.

 

[DiFabio]

wouldn't they take her side and avoid you on principal?

Nope.

 

[Sidewinder]

If my wife had a problem with the fact that I have a couple of ex's as FB friends, I'd unfriend them, no question. I'm sure she'd do the same.

Respect for the current relationship comes first imo. Maybe there are things to be worked out between you so it may one day not be an issue - at which point she can reconnect with them maybe. In the meantime, it seems like there's some stuff to work out there, on both sides.

Totally agree. I've pulled back on new friendships with men because my partner was uncomfortable with them as they were clearly interested in more than friendship. My relationship comes first .

 

[crows]

Sorry everyone. Not only is my wife pissed at me, she's now pissed at all of you as well... No not really but I think she is surprised. When we first started on this I told her the majority of people thought like I did. She asked a couple people at work who seemed to think it was no big deal though.

hey, you could say I agreed with her point (like, at least a couple of us said it was not a big deal is what I mean)

 

[crows]

You'd think that.. but no.

Nope.

I don't know if I am too naive or missed out on something... makes me think back......

 

[Gates70]

I'm in the camp that it depends on the situation. I have a few exe's on my FB and we sometimes just chat generally. One of them is a friend of my girlfriend and we sometimes all hangout. The other one is my ex wife of almost 20 years and we have a kid together. We've been seperated for about 8 years. We sometimes hang out and even go for dinner alone at times. We've done Xmas with her boyfriend present as well, and they've come to my place for a movie. Didn't bother me or her. Does bother her boyfriend sometimes though. As far as my girlfriend goes, she trusts me 100% and it doesn't bother her in the slightest. She has an ex husband and father of her kids and it wouldn't bother me either if they went for dinner or hung out, but I know she wants nothing to do with any of her exes. I trust her 100% and she trusts me 100%, and I've been cheated on plenty of times by ex-girlfriends.

 

[V8_Club]

Personally I have a number of friends on Facebook that used to be ex's. The wife knows about them and we have been happily married for almost ten years now. Been in a relationship for fifteen. She didn't have many relationships prior to our marriage but I personally don't have an issue with friends. It maybe difficult I understand but as long as you trust each other there shouldn't be a problem. Best thing is to be honest about it. If there is something that doesn't sit well with either discuss it and if required end that relationship. Your marriage is more important.

 

[Palomo Picaso]

As long as there is trust and self control then all will be fine. However so slightly a doubt, forgetaboutit ... Let that book stay closed and just write the one your authoring now...

 

[ZsaszSays]

I think it all depends on how long you were with them and how long ago you dated. If you only dated for several months and its been years since then, its cool to be a casual friend. But if it was a serious part of your life I think thats another story.