Keeping in touch with exes

[crows]

it would be one thing if she was always friends with them even when you guys met or something. But to randomly appear and add her or something does seem kind of weird.

 

[Intruder04]

This purely my opinionated view but I don't believe you can ever be 'friends' with an individual you were previously in a relationship with.

 

[316what]

Just to clarify, I'm not suggesting that people "hate" their exes. I'm saying I see absolutely no reason to stay in contact with them (in any form) when you're married.

What if you had kids together?

 

[The Ween]

I don't know if I were married that I'd want my husband paying too much attention to an ex. It's one thing to stay cordial but talking on Facebook or anything, I don't think I'd like it. Why would he want to is the question I'd have to ask.

But then I'm jealous as hell so.............

 

[The Ween]

What if you had kids together?

In this case there is no children involved but it's already been discussed that kids is a different story. You'd have to have some contact in that case.

 

[Devil_666]

What if you had kids together?

In this case there is no children involved but it's already been discussed that kids is a different story. You'd have to have some contact in that case.

Correct. I thought I posted about that but looking back through the thread I guess I didn't.

If you have kids with your ex that's different because that "contact" would be a necessity, at least until the kid/kids were 18. But beyond that, there would be no reason to maintain contact unless it was related to the kid/kids.

That's just me.

 

[a-dev]

Is it fair to say that all the people saying ''No, unacceptable'' are speaking from the POV of the current b/f, g/f, husband or wife of the person who is in contact with an ex?

What if it's your ex and you still like him/her, even if not romantically.

 

[Darkseed]

I consider them exes for a reason, I have no need to continue a relationship after we are done. I am cordial to ex wife since kids are involved and I "pay attention" to what she is doing more for kids welfare than care what she is doing. Plenty exes after divorce, I have zero idea what their doing or if still alive. I am happily remarried and focus all my attention on this relationship not keeping up something that ran its course..

 

[crows]

Is it fair to say that all the people saying ''No, unacceptable'' are speaking from the POV of the current b/f, g/f, husband or wife of the person who is in contact with an ex?

What if it's your ex and you still like him/her, even if not romantically.

or what happens if they were friends with the ex before they even started dating you? are they supposed to stop all communication with their "friend" because of the new relationship?
(Serious question, not trying to be sarcastic)

 

[a-dev]

'ex for a reason' has been repeated a lot.

But only in circumstances where that 'reason' is you can't stand the sight of your ex could I conceive of having zero desire to keep up on how she's doing. Otherwise it seems to me like we only care about someone if we're ****ing them. Least that's how I feel right now where I'm still single and haven't been with anyone since my ex. Admittedly my whole attitude could change if I get a new girlfriend.

 

[Deckard]

There should be no reason to keep in touch with an ex unless you still have feelings for them. Once you have had sex with someone, it's very easy to have sex with them again. All of the angst and awkward uncertainty don't exist so you can just segway right back into it. If you're still on good enough terms to have a pleasant convo with, you obviously still have feelings for them.

One of my exes would call me every year, and want to get together. But then at the last minute, she would bring one of her girlfriends. I figured it out right away. She was unsure of her current relationship and in a moment of weakness, she'd call me. Then she would realize what she had done and try to bring her friend like a chaperone at the last second because in her mind, that made it casual and just friendly. After the 3rd year this happened and she called to invite me to meet up again, I called her on it. We fell in love in the Summer and every year she'd get nostalgic. She agreed that what she was doing wasn't appropriate or fair to me nor her bf and I told her we shouldn't see each other anymore...again. I would not add her on FB because I know she has those feelings and that would be unfair to any girls I'm in a relationship with, but also her bf. I wouldn't want that to happen to me so I extend him the same respect.

 

[Devil_666]

What if it's your ex and you still like him/her, even if not romantically.

Same thing. For me it's a matter of respect. I would never disrespect my wife like that.

what happens if they were friends with the ex before they even started dating you? are they supposed to stop all communication with their "friend" because of the new relationship?

If their partner in that new relationship has a problem with it, then yes.

 

[tyt2lynnin1]

No. I been cheated on before because of those "we were just friends" basis. Did you know between a male and female , even friends can often lead one thing to another? Especially old spark. Facebook friends cool, face to face friends keep it really minimal. Greet them with good attitude but stay away.


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[Pork Chop Express]

I wouldn't want that to happen to me so I extend him the same respect.

Same thing. For me it's a matter of respect. I would never disrespect my wife like that.

One other thing to consider, if your single and it's your ex seeking your attention while they are in a relationship and you give it to them (even platonic), any future partner may look at this as suspect. Not saying this a deal breaker but definitely ill-advised.

 

[a-dev]

There should be no reason to keep in touch with an ex unless you still have feelings for them. Once you have had sex with someone, it's very easy to have sex with them again. All of the angst and awkward uncertainty don't exist so you can just segway right back into it. If you're still on good enough terms to have a pleasant convo with, you obviously still have feelings for them.

It's all so very confusing. Man I need to get a new girlfriend.

 

[Deckard]

Well, how old are you? Relationship experience comes from age and the amount of relationships you've been in, but also how in touch with your own emotions you are and knowing what you want.

 

[ApeManRyan]

It all depends on the situation. You can be friends with your ex if the terms are left with reasonable and friendly terms. If you got screwed over or if she's a psycho. I say stay away from it. Mot of my ex's haven't been pleasant and I've tried to be friends or at least end it on a good term but it always resorted to drama and psychotic problems. If you haven't dealt with that than I say stay on good terms. I will say once you have been with that person for a long time and have had relations beyond anything it will be hard to want to be just friends or end on good terms because your emotions will be getting in the way and want to be with her still. You will get jealous and feel like **** if you see her with another man or maybe not. If she starts to tell you things she has done with her new man and makes you jealous I say get the hell away from her.Sometimes it all depends on what goes down. Most of the time I try to stay good friends or on friendly terms but in the end they just screw me over and hurt me. Just watch out and if you can be friends than I say go for it. If you can end on friendly terms than I say go for that too. I never would want hurt to come to a person as would anyone. Just watch yourself.

 

[a-dev]

Well, how old are you? Relationship experience comes from age and the amount of relationships you've been in, but also how in touch with your own emotions you are and knowing what you want.

32 next week and far less experienced in this field than I ought to be.

 

[hoodonit00]

It's kind of dumb to ask a yes no, black or white, answer to a poll question with obvious shades of gray.

Depends entirely on WHO the exes in question are.

Exactly, it would depend on a lot of things on how I'd answer.

We were here at one time. I stayed civil with my ex because of kids. Kids are out of school now so no reason to communicate now.

In this case there is no children involved but it's already been discussed that kids is a different story. You'd have to have some contact in that case.

 

[hoodonit00]

It's kind of dumb to ask a yes no, black or white, answer to a poll question with obvious shades of gray.

Depends entirely on WHO the exes in question are.

Exactly, it would depend on a lot of things on how I'd answer.

If I had an ex as a friend with no strings attached, like children, and it bothered my spouse the ex would be unfriended.

Is it fair to say that all the people saying ''No, unacceptable'' are speaking from the POV of the current b/f, g/f, husband or wife of the person who is in contact with an ex?

What if it's your ex and you still like him/her, even if not romantically.