What is actually solved in that that fight? You think the loser just goes "welp
got my *** best guess I'll follow that guys opinons now?
No, the loser often goes and get a bigger stick, and the fighting resumes,, nothing is learned by either party?
Maybe I am missing your point?
I can see the issue both ways. If we are talking about kids, the natural reaction for most parents, probably nearly all, is to keep their children safe and not take a chance, even a slight one, at any potential harm to come their way. I get that. I truly do. I understand the concern, fear, reaction, apprehension and risk embedded in that.
But I see it as a balance issue. We are obligated to keep our kids safe, that's half of the equation. We are also obligated and have a duty to prepare our kids ( also our grandkids, nieces, nephews, godchildren, etc, etc) to make it and survive after we all, our generation, passes on. I have to weigh out what keeps my little nephew protected and safe today, but also what will keep him protected and safe after I die, and after his parents die.
I want to be fair about this, I have an uncle's perspective. Would my perspective be different as a mother or father? I accept that might be a possibility. Would I have a different perspective if I was mother and we were talking about a daughter instead of a son? I also accept that as a possibility. Would it be different if I was born 20 years later in time and my cultural and social frame of reference was different? Maybe. But I'm not in that situation.
Again, I see things differently. Not better. Not worse. Just different. I get the mantra why most people say you shouldn't hit first, that you should operate in "self defense" I just don't think practical self defense works in neat little boxes as such. Lots of people run right up to the line, and yes even kids, to do everything but edge over the boundary where the cops and school officials or whomever have no choice but to jump in. For a lot of bullies, both young and old, it's game to them. I recognize there are good schools and good teachers and great administrators out there, but there are also idiots in those jobs. ( The pandemic very likely revealed how badly some of them can screw up and end up hurting lots of kids) I don't trust any of them, not on the surface level. Civility and basic decency are initially offered, because we want to live in civilized communities, cities and societies, but trust is earned. Sometimes the best "defense" is understanding when the fight is inevitable. And if it's inevitable, you might as well get it all over with right now. Personally, sometimes I see practical defense also includes hitting first. (That's not a politically correct thing to say, but it's how I feel about it)
My own uncle taught me to "speak the language being spoken to you" If someone is cool with you, be cool to them. If someone helps you, help them. If someone does you a favor, recognize you are in their debt and a favor should be returned. But if someone is looking for confrontation instead? Give them that. If someone is looking for a fight? Give them that and more.
A man should have a code. A value system. A set of principles on how he choose to live his life. Everyone can choose to decide what that should entail, what the limits are and what those boundaries should be. But there comes a point when a person has to defend their principles. If you aren't willing to accept some risk or cost, then what is the purpose of having those values in the first place? Obviously I'd prefer not to be maimed for life or blinded or put in prison. But there are just lines you don't cross. Not to me. ( Everyone else can disagree or choose their own lines in that regard) I'm all for trying to reason with people. I'm all for using the systems in place like law enforcement or school administration or whatever else first. But at some point, at some critical juncture, sometimes all that's left is to spill blood.
The day my little nephew was born, I didn't understand before. Here's the thing about kids. It's the one time in this screwed up brutal life that you can actually love someone so much more than you could ever love yourself. In that way, it's actually kind of a miracle at work. His existence really centered me, and set me straight on a lot of things. I didn't understand before how someone would be willing to give their life a thousand times over or move mountains, just to try to protect that kid. But I get it now. What you have to do or what you believe works for your value system and principles, to your duty and obligation for the people you love and matter to you, then you do that. I respect that. Even if it's different than mine. But I'll do whatever it takes to keep this kid safe and make sure he has a future. And whatever it costs me, then it costs me. In that regard, it doesn't matter if I live or die.
I see that sometimes. Someone talking about how they were a bully as a kid, but they straightened out at some point. Well my little nephew isn't going to some punk kid's free therapy session or a proxy for his dysfunctional situation or family. I refuse to allow him to be pure cannon fodder. I could give a damn what is politically correct in that regard. If my nephew gets into a fistfight with some other kid, then the other kid shows up with 10 of his friends with baseball bats later. If that scenario presented itself, then those kids and their families will end up being the unluckiest people on the face of the entire planet. I'd be happy to explain that all to them in an empty corn field somewhere.
I don't want to see anyone permanently maimed and I get there is risk of escalation and legal problems. But you can't run forever. You can't back down forever. You can't just let people do whatever they want to you. Growth means risks. Even the ones we don't want. We can't protect them from everything in a vacuum. I know why people want to do it, but there is a larger balance at work. Violence is not the first tool that's going to be taken out of my "tool box", but it's not going to be excised from it completely. All the tools are there for a reason. If you told me violence is never the answer, I would say, "You are completely right. For you."
You and I share this hobby and are part of this same community. Maybe all we will agree on is that we love the toys. And if you love the toys, maybe some of this other stuff in this hobby doesn't have to matter. Maybe we can consider it a good consolation prize instead of the multi-verse version where we would have to meet in an empty corn field. I wish you well. Merry Xmas.
