I'm going to be brutally honest because I think you need to hear it.
You're story is so bad it almost sounds like a joke. Like there's no way anyone could be as crazy as you and still be sticking around with her. I'm not saying this to **** all over you while you're hurting, but you need to know what it honestly looks like from the outside perspective. It's like an SNL sketch about a guy that's completely oblivous and way too nice. You need a wake up call and family usually aren't going to say these things, so I will. Get out. Get away from her. You'll be happier, faster. As opposed to, maybe, never again.
You're way too nice. Way too nice. It's not a bad trait but you're going to hurt yourself with the level of trust you're extending to someone who isn't giving it back. She's telling you outright that she doesn't want to be with you. That she doesn't know who she is. That is clearly a person not ready for the responsibility of other people's feelings. If both of you are unhappy, there is nothing there to build on. It's not going to hurt her like you think it is. It won't hurt you anymore than it already is.
Even if you have no other options atm, I promise, you can do better. You're only delaying your own happiness.