the girl I loved has gender and sexual issues, is it worth it or a lost cause?

[mr.thrifty]

Things just end, why do you think those special moments were a lie? Instead of regretting not having a future with her why can't you cherish those moments for what they are?
You were Lucky to have met her and share those special moments. Now it is just time to let her go. That's all

Imagine if she never entered your life at all. If you never had those moments to think about. Be thankful for that and just let her move on.

That was beautiful!!! You touched my heart there bruh!!!

 

[crows]

i have my moments lol

 

[GeneralZodLives]

Things just end, why do you think those special moments were a lie? Instead of regretting not having a future with her why can't you cherish those moments for what they are?
You were Lucky to have met her and share those special moments. Now it is just time to let her go. That's all

Imagine if she never entered your life at all. If you never had those moments to think about. Be thankful for that and just let her move on.

Damn, crows...getting me all choked up and ****.

 

[mr.thrifty]

Lock it up... Crows shut it down!!!

 

[crows]

 

[karamazov80]

Good advice Queen Els. . .er, I mean, crows.

 

[RavenEye]

Don't take this personally either, but do you have no one you could actually talk these issues over with in person in your life? As opposed to posting multiple threads on a toy site?

Genuine question.

Me: Batfreak?

Batfreak: Yes?

Me: Our time is over, you can make another appointment if ya like. My fee is $350 a hour.

Feel like I should be charging for pysch help.

 

[The Ween]

That was beautiful!!! You touched my heart there bruh!!!

 

[Adoptedscot]

I've only read the first few pages in this thread but here's some good and understanding advice, I'm impressed .

I will say this though, I wouldn't called the young lady in question 'screwed up' or anything derogatory like that. Is it sad that you have split - of course, will you be upset - probably, has she acted badly - definitely. But by the same token it seems like she is having her own issues to deal with. If she doesn't know who she is, then how can she know who she wants to be with.
The added factor is mental illness. You touched on that her parents told you she's bi polar, and it seems to me that she has the rapid cycling version of that illness too, which means in addition to changing moods, highs/ lows, hyper sexuality, bad decision making she could do so at a majorly fast rate. People with a bi polar have a couple of episodes a year but if its rapid cycling she could swing moods from one to the other with weeks or even hours.
Rapid cycling is very difficult to treat so if that's what shes having I hope she is receiving at least some kind of treatment, from what you described I get the impression she's not getting any.

I'm not making any excuses for her actions and you are far better without her in your life, but just remember that she has mental illness, from what I understand you knew that. it does not excuse her actions but I can assure you, however bad you feel, when she finally gets help, gets stable and realises what she's done she will also feel so bad for causing it all.
All I'm saying is her actions while hurtful and wrong, may not be the real her - she needs to find that before she commits to anyone else.

You deserve to be happy and I hope you find that, Just put this down to experience and move forward

x

PS - nice posts crows & weenie

 

[Batfreak]

Adopted Scott... thank you very much for that brilliant and insightful post. Yes her mother told me she has rapid cycling bipolar and seems to suffer from flightiness like forgetting to put gas in her car and she tends to run out of gas without filling in the weirdest places. She's kind of airy and forgets to pay bills and things like that I have no idea if this has anything to do with bipolar. She's also late for everything I'm not kidding she was fired from jobs in from her band because she is always running late even to meet with friends and people. She seems to have difficulty functioning in every day life which seems to be a common issue with a lot of artistic people. And of course on top of it all she has been struggling with your sexuality as well as her own a gender. This created a lot of stress and drama with our relationship and within her family. Plus she has an ultra super Duper ultra clingy mother who she has described as a tyrant in her home. She's one of those mothers that has to talk to her daughter or text her every single solitary day and even call the cops to come to her apartment when she hasn't heard from her in a few days. None of this is normal behavior and you can see why the daughter turns out the way she did. So yes inshore this girl has a lot of different serious issues that he's keeping her from living a normal life or having any kind of normal stable relationship. She's gone through boyfriends like water and I believe had a couple of secret girlfriends that she never told her parents about until she came out of the closet. Who knows who she will ultimately end up with a man or a woman personally I think she's completely gay but doesn't want the stigma of being labeled as that that's why she says she's bisexual. Anyway I guess it's non-not my problem anymore but it's sad that I was willing to be there for her and help her and she treated me like crap. Maybe I should've been friends with her instead of trying to get back together with her at the worst time in her life. But now I guess I will never know and I just have to move on. But that was some seriously great advice and I really appreciate it and this goes for everyone in this forum.

 

[mr.thrifty]

Paragraphs dood.... Paragraphs!

 

[crows]

Adopted Scott... thank you very much for that brilliant and insightful post. Yes her mother told me she has rapid cycling bipolar and seems to suffer from flightiness like forgetting to put gas in her car and she tends to run out of gas without filling in the weirdest places. She's kind of airy and forgets to pay bills and things like that I have no idea if this has anything to do with bipolar. She's also late for everything I'm not kidding she was fired from jobs in from her band because she is always running late even to meet with friends and people. She seems to have difficulty functioning in every day life which seems to be a common issue with a lot of artistic people. And of course on top of it all she has been struggling with your sexuality as well as her own a gender. This created a lot of stress and drama with our relationship and within her family. Plus she has an ultra super Duper ultra clingy mother who she has described as a tyrant in her home. She's one of those mothers that has to talk to her daughter or text her every single solitary day and even call the cops to come to her apartment when she hasn't heard from her in a few days. None of this is normal behavior and you can see why the daughter turns out the way she did. So yes inshore this girl has a lot of different serious issues that he's keeping her from living a normal life or having any kind of normal stable relationship. She's gone through boyfriends like water and I believe had a couple of secret girlfriends that she never told her parents about until she came out of the closet. Who knows who she will ultimately end up with a man or a woman personally I think she's completely gay but doesn't want the stigma of being labeled as that that's why she says she's bisexual. Anyway I guess it's non-not my problem anymore but it's sad that I was willing to be there for her and help her and she treated me like crap. Maybe I should've been friends with her instead of trying to get back together with her at the worst time in her life. But now I guess I will never know and I just have to move on. But that was some seriously great advice and I really appreciate it and this goes for everyone in this forum.

 

[Sweet Rabbit]

 

[Adoptedscot]

Adopted Scott... thank you very much for that brilliant and insightful post. Yes her mother told me she has rapid cycling bipolar and seems to suffer from flightiness like forgetting to put gas in her car and she tends to run out of gas without filling in the weirdest places. She's kind of airy and forgets to pay bills and things like that I have no idea if this has anything to do with bipolar. She's also late for everything I'm not kidding she was fired from jobs in from her band because she is always running late even to meet with friends and people. She seems to have difficulty functioning in every day life which seems to be a common issue with a lot of artistic people. And of course on top of it all she has been struggling with your sexuality as well as her own a gender. This created a lot of stress and drama with our relationship and within her family. Plus she has an ultra super Duper ultra clingy mother who she has described as a tyrant in her home. She's one of those mothers that has to talk to her daughter or text her every single solitary day and even call the cops to come to her apartment when she hasn't heard from her in a few days. None of this is normal behavior and you can see why the daughter turns out the way she did. So yes inshore this girl has a lot of different serious issues that he's keeping her from living a normal life or having any kind of normal stable relationship. She's gone through boyfriends like water and I believe had a couple of secret girlfriends that she never told her parents about until she came out of the closet. Who knows who she will ultimately end up with a man or a woman personally I think she's completely gay but doesn't want the stigma of being labeled as that that's why she says she's bisexual. Anyway I guess it's non-not my problem anymore but it's sad that I was willing to be there for her and help her and she treated me like crap. Maybe I should've been friends with her instead of trying to get back together with her at the worst time in her life. But now I guess I will never know and I just have to move on. But that was some seriously great advice and I really appreciate it and this goes for everyone in this forum.

You're very welcome and thank ya. I'm certainly no expert but have dealt with my share of mental illness both personally and in my immediate family so know a few bits. And I've been through the 'coming out' myself so know how difficult that is too. If you need anymore info, send me a message.

I thought it was rapid bi polar, from how you described her. I wouldn't say paying things late/ tardiness are generally regarded and symptoms of bi polar,but combined with other symptoms, they could be. if in a manic or even mixed episode individuals may take more risks, spend more money, be goal oriented but not able to finish, hyper sexual and even overly aggressive. It can take many forms.
Her mother does sound a little over protective, but then with a rapid cycling bi polar daughter who is probably not getting help, she is bound to be, I think any parent would be considering what people are capable of when experiencing an 'episode', but if she is overly nagging, I doubt very much that is helping her daughter, your now ex.

I've gone through having girlfriends in secret and that is difficult, when I finally 'came out' I described it as I being 2 people. I would hide that i went out and had girlfriends, no one knew and that is so difficult because you cant be you, add to that mental illness and it could only be a matter of time till this girl breaks completely from all the pressure.

From what you've said she sounds like a lesbian, just may not like the label as you say, but then neither do i, but eventuall you come to terms with it. I dont have a sticker on my head saying I'm a lesbian, but I'm not gonna hide it either.
She needs to just accept that she don't fall into the 'norm' of what some call a relationship but then what peeps call the norm is subjective so thats what she needs to realise and eventually she may even be proud of having a 'label'. Having said that all these issues are compounded by mental illness (so was mine) and if she is not getting any treatment at all, she could REALLY be spiralling.

I hope she gets the help she needs and you never know, when she does, she may look you up to apologise for what she put you through.
She needs to sort herself out piece by piece before committing to anyone, male or female.

If you do continue to be friends with her then good for you, but you have to think of you and if you are too hurt and raw, then you would be better breaking completely (imo).

You'll find someone who you wont be so stressed out by, just give it time.

Take care
x

 

[Batfreak]

Thank you for these wonderful responses. I actually didn't know that you were a woman so that's kind of funny but that you've also been through similar things. I am friends with her ex girlfriend Maria and she told me a lot about what went down with them. Apparently they met in a gay club a few years ago and we're dating for about a year but she had to keep it under wraps from her parents especially her overbearing mother who she knew would not except her seeing another girl. She describes herself to Maria as gender queer, which I guess means that you feel like both genders in one body where you can be either male or female but from what I've discovered the last year she seems to feel more mail than female and sometimes hates her body. Which is sad because she actually has a very nice one. And she is getting help from a therapist that she is talking to on the phone often enough. Whether or not that will help in the end only the future will know but I don't expect to hear from her anytime soon because the last time we spoke I really let her have it through texting what a jerk she was and how badly she treated me and that she is a user and a taker and I just said all these horrible things to her which were built up over time after having been very mistreated by her so she blocked me on Facebook and I believe blocked me on her phone as well. I don't really care about the fact that I did so much for her and then have her treat me that way was absolutely despicable. And yeah part of me still thinks about her sometimes and I do care about her and I hope she gets well but yeah I have to agree I really think she is gay but doesn't want to come out completely so she saying she is bisexual right now. She told Maria apparently that she wouldn't mind having a ***** and that she wouldn't get the surgery because she doesn't have the money. She said that she feels like a man in drag when she dresses like a girl. This is all very bizarre and I had no idea she was struggling with this when I met her she must of been concealing it for a long time. I just happened to be the lucky guy that she was with at the time that she came out with all this. She also said she doesn't like being penetrated by men because she says she feels violated which I don't understand it all. I'm not sure if lesbians normally feel this way about men being inside them but if they do than that could mean she is probably gay totally. And yes her mother is super overbearing and I saw this firsthand she is absolutely insane and I think the mother has mental issues as well and takes a lot of medication so this does not help matters either. The family is very dysfunctional right now with all of this stuff going on as well as other things so yes it is best that I got out of there when I did I don't think I could've dealt with that for too much longer as much as I love her.

 

[crows]

Thank you for these wonderful responses.
I actually didn't know that you were a woman so that's kind of funny but that you've also been through similar things. I am friends with her ex girlfriend Maria and she told me a lot about what went down with them.

Apparently they met in a gay club a few years ago and we're dating for about a year but she had to keep it under wraps from her parents especially her overbearing mother who she knew would not except her seeing another girl. She describes herself to Maria as gender queer, which I guess means that you feel like both genders in one body where you can be either male or female but from what I've discovered the last year she seems to feel more mail than female and sometimes hates her body. Which is sad because she actually has a very nice one. And she is getting help from a therapist that she is talking to on the phone often enough.

Whether or not that will help in the end only the future will know but I don't expect to hear from her anytime soon because the last time we spoke I really let her have it through texting what a jerk she was and how badly she treated me and that she is a user and a taker and I just said all these horrible things to her which were built up over time after having been very mistreated by her so she blocked me on Facebook and I believe blocked me on her phone as well. I don't really care about the fact that I did so much for her and then have her treat me that way was absolutely despicable.

And yeah part of me still thinks about her sometimes and I do care about her and I hope she gets well but yeah I have to agree I really think she is gay but doesn't want to come out completely so she saying she is bisexual right now. She told Maria apparently that she wouldn't mind having a ***** and that she wouldn't get the surgery because she doesn't have the money. She said that she feels like a man in drag when she dresses like a girl. This is all very bizarre and I had no idea she was struggling with this when I met her she must of been concealing it for a long time.

I just happened to be the lucky guy that she was with at the time that she came out with all this. She also said she doesn't like being penetrated by men because she says she feels violated which I don't understand it all. I'm not sure if lesbians normally feel this way about men being inside them but if they do than that could mean she is probably gay totally. And yes her mother is super overbearing and I saw this firsthand she is absolutely insane and I think the mother has mental issues as well and takes a lot of medication so this does not help matters either.

The family is very dysfunctional right now with all of this stuff going on as well as other things so yes it is best that I got out of there when I did I don't think I could've dealt with that for too much longer as much as I love her.

easier to read

 

[Batfreak]

Lol I don't do the paragraphs because it's hard to do on the phone I use my voice on the iPhone that's why turns out that way.

 

[RavenEye]

Okay move along and Hail Hit... I mean Hydra!

 

[The Mike]

This is illegitimately going on? With huge block paragraphs? Alright, let's settle in

 

[Cap'n Cook]

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