I hear ya. And believe me, I know you're right. But she literally seems to be the most perfect woman for me.
There's the trap. She's NOT the most perfect woman for you. She's a woman you have some stuff in common with, who is involved with someone else and completely unsuitable for anything beyond a conversation.
It's not "bad timing". It's not anything at all. I'm not saying that to be a pr*ck about it, it's just that I've seen people -- usually dudes -- do this to themselves over and over again. Hell, I did this to myself when I was a teenager, seeing what I wanted to see instead of the reality of a situation.
I'm 43 years old now, man. I've had lots of girlfriends and long-term relationships since then, good ones and bad ones. Lived with three different women. Almost got married. I don't know how you define "success" with women but I've had plenty of experience and I'm very comfortable with them. So for what it's worth here's what I've learned and how I live:
1. If you're carrying a torch for her, she is not your friend. You are not her friend. It's awkward at best, creepy and dishonest at worst.
I have good female friends. For whatever reason, (lack of that vibe, they remind me of my sister, no physical attraction, whatever) I would never sleep with them. That's why they're my *friends*.
That's a what a friendship is: an alliance based on mutual trust and *boundaries*. There are women I keep in my "friend zone" and I value their companionship, support, advice and platonic affection a great deal.
They pick me up when I'm down and vice versa. I would never want to wreck that. Likewise, I'm in plenty of women's "friend zone" and that's a good place to be. Genuine friendships with diverse people are valuable, and arguably a more stable and secure investment than your primary relationship, which serves a very different role in your life that only time will validate.
2. Just because you have "everything in common" doesn't mean you should be together.
If you both have the same taste in sushi and love Star Wars, it probably means you're meant to eat sushi and watch Star Wars. It has no bearing on whether or not you should be in an intimate emotional and sexual relationship.
A relationship is complicated and built on emotional abstractions that exist on a whole other level, along with an undeniable physical chemistry. These are the things you do *not* see, when you're on the outside looking in. And these are things you cannot predict or conjure up.
I've been in a relationship that "looked great on paper". She was smart, attractive by any conventional standards, and sexually adventurous. But from the beginning that indefinable 'spark' was *not there* and we couldn't call it into being. I shouldn't have tried to pretend it was because everything else looked good, and it did not end well.
I remember her angrily telling me I just wasn't attracted to her, and I denied it because I thought "Of course I'm attracted to her, she's hot". No, I wasn't. The spark wasn't there and that's not something on a checklist or even externally predictable.
3. The honest, direct approach leaves you open to embarrassment, rejection, crushing defeats...and a successful life.
If I'm into someone, they will know it early and without ambiguity. If the feeling isn't mutual, I'm out. I'm not 'friends' (aquaintance is fine) and I'm not waiting around. There are literally millions of women in any large city centre. I'm not wasting time on just one because it feels safe and familiar or because I think she's "got me all wrong" and just needs to "wake up and see what's in front of her".
4. If she's got a boyfriend and still displays interest, walk away no matter what.
She may just want attention. Maybe she's got issues, maybe she's dishonest. Whatever it is, don't flatter yourself. What she did to him she can easily do to you. And let me repeat this:
she may just want attention. That doesn't make her evil, it makes her human, flawed, and COMPLETELY WRONG FOR YOU.
5. Don't "work on her" -- work on yourself.
That energy should be spent bettering yourself and making you worth some woman's time. What have you got to offer beyond your attention?
Seriously, after you're done "being there for her" what have you got to offer that makes you interesting, makes you worth spending time with, what makes you good in a fight? Because life is unpredictable and crises come and go. Your partner needs more than a shoulder to cry on.
And even the best relationship can end. You can grow apart, you can stop wanting the same things. Have you seen the divorce rate?
What happens if you actually find someone, and then lose them? What are you left with? Yourself. That's all there is, in the end. So work on yourself, for yourself, all day and every day for the rest of your life, whether you're with someone or not.
6. Don't "work on" women. It's creepy and if you have to "work" you're wasting your time.
Men have been fed this ridiculous story that women need to be pursued, convinced, tricked, that there's some kind of 'game'.
Women are humans, not prizes nor prey. They can see right through your ******** because they've been "pursued" and "worked on" their whole ******ing lives.
Don't bring yourself down to that level. Be human and be honest and vulnerable.
---
Over time, through experience, through honesty, through allowing myself to be uncomfortable and face rejection, a number of things have happened.
(a) I have the most solid female friends, sometimes they offer perspectives and support my male friends cannot.
(b) I left behind the immature, awkward teenage boy I began dating life as. My self-esteem developed and no longer requires external validation from women or anyone else, for that matter.
(c) I make better choices, and I don't waste time.
(d) A woman I'm interested in may not return those feelings, but she will respect me as a human and never have cause to view me as creepy or dishonest.
(e) By looking at reality rather than projecting what I want a situation to be, I've learned to read what's actually there. I don't miss out on what's right in front of me. That can really save time.
(f) I can recover from loss. I don't define myself through my relationship or through women.
And I don't mean she's super hot or anything ridiculously out of my league. We have a LOT in common, and can talk for hours without even realizing how much time has passed.
That's a nice conversation. Doesn't mean anything on its own.
I cannot imagine finding anyone else more perfect.
I get that you like her, but don't project your fantasies on her. You don't know what an actual relationship with her would be like.
BUT I realize that everything you said is very likely true. So I'm not trying to convince her to leave the other guy. I never even mention him when I talk to her.
That's also manipulative and dishonest, in its own way. The road to hell is paved with good intentions and ignoring women's boyfriends. He's a big part of her life and if you were her friend, you would include him one way or the other, if only in discussion.
Right now, we're just close friends. I feel that I'm better with her in my life. IF she leaves the other guy, I'll quickly try to step up to the plate. If she doesn't, well, then we'll stay friends. At least, that's where my mindset is.
I know some of what I said sounds harsh, but based solely on my own experiences, and observations of other people, it doesn't sound like a genuine friendship. It sounds like you're pretending to be her friend.
I don't know you, man. You're a bunch of text on a pop-culture/collector forum, so I don't pretend to know your life, but my own views are pretty clear at this point, so maybe you can take something away from my experience.
Best of luck to you either way. Even if you "get the girl" the actual relationship afterwards is a whole other ball game. Work on yourself, don't work on women.
I won't dispute anything you have said. I will stop trying to "make it happen" and TRY to even stop dreaming it. I know I'm only in for heartbreak if I keep fooling myself any longer... I need to emotionally move on...
I didn't even know he was there. The party was supposed to be for the cast only, not friends & family (or boyfriends).
You spent money on her?! You bought something for her?!! 
Punkg42
Sounds like a great idea, right? I don't recall seeing that in a movie!
