InArt: The Lord of the Rings - Aragorn 1:6

[Giimli86]

I often ask myself how and why people who end up showing themselves as being not what I perceived/wished them to be, could hurt me to this degree. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, to want to see good in them. And in my heart, I did see good at one time. I did. I don't see it now, but at the time I did.

I have struggled with this sort of darkness for quite some time. And told myself years ago, that it would probably be best if I keep myself to myself. That to open up and let someone get close would be a mistake, and I should spare them my internal battle. That because of it, I'd convinced myself that despite trying to have a good heart, I wasn't meant to be known, accepted, even loved. I tell myself that, then and now.

To think that someone actually wanted to get to know me. That they cared. That I meant something to them and that I was worth something. Well, that struck a chord within me. Having denied myself for years, and then meet someone who I thought I could actually be close to, allow myself to be vulnerable with, to feel again. It felt good. It was a relief. A sense of hope and purpose. For all too brief a moment, I felt those things.

Betrayal can only come from those who we deem to be our friends.
And how we perceive things is only our view of things, its not theirs.
We all have some kind of values of how we look at life, what we think is important, what we appreciate, what we hold on to as core values, yours or mine is not the same as the next person to you.

As it was mentioned above love and peace can only come in the first place from yourself and if you have that then there is barely anything that can hurt you really deep.

Loving and caring about someone always means that we become vulnerable, its part of the love package so to say.
But it means at the same time that you cared and you loved and you have a soul and heart man.

And whatever anyone does to you, if you stick to your values and you stay true to yourself then you are a good person because you did give yourself.

 

[Giimli86]

sending you with love man.

blink 182-Happy Days:

Hey kid, don't quit your daydream yet
I know you feel locked out in the cold
Seems like you're lost and alone
Hey kid, don't listen to your head
It only fills you with dread and with doubt
Left lookin' for an easy way out

I know you don't know
Oh, no, you don't know

I wanna feel happy days, happy days
Happy days, happy days
Walls of isolation inside of my pain
And I don't know if I'm ready to change

I wanna feel happy days, happy days
Happy days, happy days
All of this frustration inside of my brain
And I don't know if I'm ready to change
Some nights you call for the jaws of life
To pull you out of the crash
A forgotten ghost from your past
When enough doesn't cut it
When you're backed up against a wall
Is it the life that you wanted?
When you could never have it all?

I wanna feel happy days, happy days
Happy days, happy days
Walls of isolation inside of my pain
And I don't know if I'm ready to change
I wanna feel happy days, happy days
Happy days, happy days
All of this frustration inside of my brain
And I don't know if I'm ready to change

Face down in the deep end
Face down every weekend
Face down and I'm bleeding
There's no sound when you're leaving
We faced all of our demons
We chased all of our dreams and
We don't know where it leads us
We don't care at all

I wanna feel happy days, happy days
Happy days, happy days
Walls of isolation inside of my pain
And I don't know if I'm ready to change
I wanna feel happy days, happy days (face down in the deep end)
Happy days, happy days (face down every weekend)
All of this frustration inside of my brain
And I don't know if I'm ready to change
I wanna feel happy days

 

[Spider-Sense]

 

[MojoMonkey]

There's not really anything that anyone can say that will truly make you feel better, but I will say this:

Don't let go of or remove the things from your life that made you happy before all this happened. Doesn't matter how pointless or trivial you perceive those things to be in this moment (yes, even overpriced plastic dollies!).

I truly hope one day you will feel better, whether it's sooner or later. Just please don't allow the situation with this person to influence you to part with or give up your loves/likes/hobbies.

When the moment comes where you feel like yourself again, you will be grateful that you kept hold of all the things that make you happy.

 

[Chopper Face]

The only way out is through. You take more of the thing that poisons you until you turn it into a tonic that girdles the world around you.

Dr JBP.

 

[Stryker2011]

If we’re all honest, “life is just one big protracted getting hit in the nuts by one thing after another until the day we die,” (can’t remember the comedian who said it, but rings true), so take joy in the things that make you smile while you can. Hang in there, brother.

 

[Mr.E]

Thanks. I do spend a lot of time wondering about this, along with the "broader picture".

Is a life considered fulfilling if it's not shared with anyone else? I worry about that. The truth is, or at least it seems this way, no one looks forward to seeing me, hearing from me, or spending time with me. I must be that "wrong", broken or horrible a person to ever really find authentic companionship. Is a life worth living if it's a life spent alone? I ask myself these questions.

As someone who had no real role models in life, I idolized fictional characters. The "heroes" I saw on screen. It's sad when I stop and think about it. I'm sure others can relate, but it certainly is a lonely way to find yourself as an adult.

Any who. Thanks.

 

[DioramaMaker]

Idolizing fictional characters on screen, and taking the time to self-reflect as to why I was drawn to them or their actions has been pivotal to me at many points in my life.

Just because something is fictional does not mean you can't garner good values and meaning from looking up to it.

There's a speech from the 12th Doctor that, at a particularly low point in my life, I memorized and would recite to myself when I got down. If someone as powerful and brilliant as the Doctor can have an existential crisis, then so can us normal folk. That's the power of fiction, we can look to the impossible, and see that perhaps our struggles are in fact universal, regardless of what's going for others.

And in the face of feeling like every plan I had laid came to a dead end, the person closest to me deciding I was not capable enough or right enough for them, I would remind myself:

"I'm not a good man! I'm not a bad man! I'm not a hero! I'm not a President! And no, I'm not an officer! You know who I am? I am an idiot with a box and a screwdriver, passing through, helping out. Learning".

I deliberately worked to avoid vilifying my own actions, something I still struggle with. I strove to accept that sometimes my best was good enough. But I always tried to extend a hand, a smile, or a good action. Helping out, and learning along the way.

Keep your head up. Try to pursue one good act a day to someone else. It can be as simple as a compliment, or big like helping someone with a tab or grocery bill. But just one a day. One simple moment of helping out. It goes such a long way. Not only for them, but for you. Embrace the fiction, ask yourself what your favorite characters would do - it's worth it.

 

[Mr.E]

I try to keep my head up. I do. It doesn't make the hurt go away, or hurt any less. I know I'm not always right. Of course not. I'm incredibly fallible. But I know when something has been done that is wrong. It bothers me. I let it get to me. I can't seem to just dismiss it. Indifference to the point of apathy is not a state I want to find myself in. That's just more walls.

I find myself alone, even when trying to do the right thing. That isn't very reassuring. I don't feel I'm on some high horse of morality. But I know what's right and wrong. I know that. Still, it feels incredibly alienating. That no one cares anymore about that sort of thing anymore. If ever.

True to myself. But alone.

I try to stay busy. "Distracted". I often look and consider ways to numb the pain. I don't do drugs. I stopped drinking a few years back. But I find myself thinking why not? I haven't slipped back into self medicating, but I think about what could happen if I did.

 

[BrooklynWolf X]

I try to keep my head up. I do. It doesn't make the hurt go away, or hurt any less. I know I'm not always right. Of course not. I'm incredibly fallible. But I know when something has been done that is wrong. It bothers me. I let it get to me. I can't seem to just dismiss it. Indifference to the point of apathy is not a state I want to find myself in. That's just more walls.

I find myself alone, even when trying to do the right thing. That isn't very reassuring. I don't feel I'm on some high horse of morality. But I know what's right and wrong. I know that. Still, it feels incredibly alienating. That no one cares anymore about that sort of thing anymore. If ever.

True to myself. But alone.

I try to stay busy. "Distracted". I often look and consider ways to numb the pain. I don't do drugs. I stopped drinking a few years back. But I find myself thinking why not? I haven't slipped back into self medicating, but I think about what could happen if I did.

STAY STRONG AND DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES TAKE ANY SUBSTANCES. Please.

we here may not know the details of your situation, but we all know and agree on one thing: don’t reach for that bottle or any substance. Please.

 

[thedarkknight]

@Mr.E
Anyone who says anything along the lines of "I wish I never laid eyes on you" is not a person you want in your life.

Like many here, I've been on the receiving side of that type of ABUSE and it feels like you somehow deserve it. You DO NOT. No one does.

People will hurt you and it almost never has anything to do with you. They are fighting their own demons and it is no reflection on you as a person. It still hurts and makes it hard go trust.

After my divorce, I swore off dating and was single for 16 years, pushing away anyone who might be interested. That was wrong, and I am finally in a better place and in the first healthy relationship in my life.

Try not to take as long as I did.

For the person who said it to you, I hope one day they can realize how destructive what they said was and get help, but until then, **** 'em.

 

[Stryker2011]

I was a private investigator years ago for about 20 years, and I’ve seen what things like infidelity can do to a betrayed person (not saying this is your situation); it is a form of abuse and often causes extreme physiological problems and depression. Studies have proven that exercise can reduce stress, and improve mental and physical health. If you are capable, I suggest you hit the gym (or do whatever you can to get out and do something strenuous) to get those endorphins flowing. Just being here and talking to folks who are likeminded about a hobby can also help, but I would suggest (as I did to my clients) talking to a professional who can help you with your depression. If you have a good relationship to your immediate family (or extended family), reach out; same with friends. Find likeminded folks in your area for this, or perhaps other, hobbies; volunteer, or join a book club — anything to get you out there and connect with people. I know it may seem hard now, and trust has been broken, but not everyone is a piece of ****, and humans by nature are social creatures. I think it’s safe to say we’re all rooting for you.

 

[Mr.E]

Thanks freaks.

In regards to the gym, I've been going seven days a week for months now. It helps keep the bad at bay. It's no cure, but I swear by it. Like I said, I'm functioning. I still struggle with the internal dialog, ruminations, and intrusive thoughts, but hitting the gym and regular, strenuous exercise is, and will always be a part of my life. Regardless. It's important to me. Does the loneliness follow me there? Yes of course. But I haven't let it stop me. Every day. The gym is a lifesaver.

Funnily enough, I was a private investigator for a couple years in my mid 20s. Learned alot, too much at times.

 

[Cagoda]

I'm truly sorry you are dealing with all of this. In regards to anyone who degrades you in that capacity, it says a lot more about them than it does about you. Don't let evil win, its goal is to destroy you, so treat it like water off a duck's back.
The gym is a great outlet, eating healthy significantly improves mood; and if you need any help with either of those don't hesitate to PM me.
I have lost quite a few friends and have learned some pretty good coping mechanisms both in and out of training, life, and being placed in some of the most dangerous situations and places on earth. This isn't about me but I'm just saying I can help if you need it.
If it gets too bad, focus on food, water, and sleep- the bare minimum. Then try again the next day, one step forward at a time. Every day begins with a first step. You got this.

 

[Mr.E]

STAY STRONG AND DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES TAKE ANY SUBSTANCES. Please.

we here may not know the details of your situation, but we all know and agree on one thing: don’t reach for that bottle or any substance. Please.

I've managed to stay sober for pretty much over 4 years now. Lately, yeah, I've been thinking about it. What would happen if I started again.

I haven't though. I'm not sure why, but I haven't. I've really put in a lot of time and effort in at that gym and I do see results. Part of me doesn't want tt hard work to be put to waste. Even in the depths of depression, I still have some sense of accomplishment. Empty/ slightly vain as it might be.

 

[BrooklynWolf X]

I've managed to stay sober for pretty much over 4 years now. Lately, yeah, I've been thinking about it. What would happen if I started again.

I haven't though. I'm not sure why, but I haven't. I've really put in a lot of time and effort in at that gym and I do see results. Part of me doesn't want tt hard work to be put to waste. Even in the depths of depression, I still have some sense of accomplishment. Empty/ slightly vain as it might be.

Super glad to hear that.

Keep at it. Vain or not, hitting the gym is a great way of letting out frustrations.

Hell you’re getting me motivated now.

 

[spaceghost2000]

Thanks freaks.

In regards to the gym, I've been going seven days a week for months now. It helps keep the bad at bay. It's no cure, but I swear by it. Like I said, I'm functioning. I still struggle with the internal dialog, ruminations, and intrusive thoughts, but hitting the gym and regular, strenuous exercise is, and will always be a part of my life. Regardless. It's important to me. Does the loneliness follow me there? Yes of course. But I haven't let it stop me. Every day. The gym is a lifesaver.

Funnily enough, I was a private investigator for a couple years in my mid 20s. Learned alot, too much at times.

I found Cognitive Behavioural Therapy effective for that in particular.

 

[Giimli86]

After my last real heartbreak which happened more than 8 years ago, I focused mainly on 3 things.

-Getting as many girls into bed with I possibly could.

-Training as much as I possibly could. 4-7 times a week for more than 2 years, checking and calculating every calorie intake every single day.
Got to keep myself at around 90kg (200 lbs) I am 1.86m (6ft 1).
Pushed myself to being able to bench press 150 kg+ (330 lbs+), leg press up to 300kg (660 lbs+), Deadlift to 230 kg (507 lbs). These things all help boosting your ego and motivating you day by day.

-Lastly I drank quite a lot, 5-10 bottles of wine/week for about 4 years. Developed GERD/LPR from it which is basically acid reflux with lots of different symptoms. Now its good after about 3 years of almost daily issues with it.

What I learned from all of this is that Time is the only thing what really helps, how much time exactly is needed is different for every person with different scenarios and different mental background. But it does help in the end. Hobbies/books/Exercise are all a good way to improve yourself and keep yourself occupied at the same time.

 

[Mr.E]

After my last real heartbreak which happened more than 8 years ago, I focused mainly on 3 things.

-Getting as many girls into bed with I possibly could.

-Training as much as I possibly could. 4-7 times a week for more than 2 years, checking and calculating every calorie intake every single day.
Got to keep myself at around 90kg (200 lbs) I am 1.86m (6ft 1).
Pushed myself to being able to bench press 150 kg+ (330 lbs+), leg press up to 300kg (660 lbs+), Deadlift to 230 kg (507 lbs). These things all help boosting your ego and motivating you day by day.

-Lastly I drank quite a lot, 5-10 bottles of wine/week for about 4 years. Developed GERD/LPR from it which is basically acid reflux with lots of different symptoms. Now its good after about 3 years of almost daily issues with it.

What I learned from all of this is that Time is the only thing what really helps, how much time exactly is needed is different for every person with different scenarios and different mental background. But it does help in the end. Hobbies/books/Exercise are all a good way to improve yourself and keep yourself occupied at the same time.

Did those things that you focused on help? Did you heal?

 

[Giimli86]

Did those things that you focused on help? Did you heal?

while you are at it, it feels like it does a help a bit, but actually it was time ( for me about 4 years) that helped, not particularly any or all of those things were fundamental.

But exercise is good, its good in any case.

Drinking not so much, you just numb the pain but it stays with you anyway.

Getting laid with lots of girls up until a certain point gives satisfaction and boosts your ego then it becomes almost like you dont really enjoy any of it at all after years of doing it.

Talking and analyzing did help as well just as much as time did.