But what if it's there forever, because it's not a new feeling, per se? This "void" has always been in me, I just ignored it. Now, can I?This has gotten really heavy. But its a wonderfully intelligent conversation. Burn-out sucks. But ZE is right, it doesn't last forever. It's like the sadness that follows a break-up. It only lasts until you find the next girl. The next hotter girl.
I get that. People change, learn, grow. I've seen it all around me, I don't doubt that. I just doubt that I, specifically, can do that. People always said I was "hollow". It made me feel sad, because I never felt empty. If anything, I thought I felt too much compared to them. But maybe they're right. Maybe I'm just a broken piece of machinery.I'm now 45. In the last 25 years I've seen and experienced things I never imagined, accomplished things I didn't even know I wanted, and learned and grew and learned and grew until 45-year-old me is unrecognizable from 20-year old me, outside of some lingering tendencies regarding music and entertainment.
I discovered that there were some things I was right about, even back then, and mostly discovered myself.
Oh, I'm not doubting that. That there aren't suprises left or things to experience. It's just that, the more time extends, the more milestones you miss, the more you just feel like as if you'll always have this emptiness inside of you. One of my earliest memories, is being told that "I'll never be happy or content". Eh, you play the card you're dealt with, I suppose. Not everybody's entitled to every good thing.There's a lot to see, and you have to be there. It's all experiential. I'm not talking down to your age, it's just a fact. In the longer term life is like an inside joke you have to be there for.
I don't know, I don't see it that way anymore. I used to believe in cycles that come and go. The age old "every generationt hinks the next one is the end of the world" mindset. But this is new territory. The internet, cell phones, dating sites; they've changed the game. And as someone invested in science, in progress... I don't see the point of my endeavors anymore. "Progress" has come to mean recession. So what exactly am I "torturing" myself for? To cntribute a pebble that'll be discarded or abused?As much as it may seem that way, the whole planet isn't like that. You're describing aspects of modernity, but it's not evenly distributed.