My girlfriend and I broke up.

[El Roranous]

Well, in her defence I became very ugly towards the end.

Being a full-time film student and being stressed out enough with that as it is (heavy case load that never seems to end), you would think that the person who is with you would add to your life and take away from that stress. Rather than adding to it.

We started out as the perfect couple. Then she found out I had Maxims and that was where her confidence and trust started to fade with us. Apparently looking at fully, yet provocatively, and scantily clad dressed woman is cheating. In her mind, it's cheating on a mental level. So you're not truly faithful to your lover. I remember her going on a rampage ripping up my collection. I was like, they are fantasy only. You're my fantasy come reality. These women are just some girls on paper that live thousands of miles away. I have no intention of tracking them down.

I never got that since I have never been known to cheat on anyone. I am as innocent as they come.

1. Not a stalker.

2. I am a student. Too poor to stalk Maxim girls.

So right off the bat there was absurdity in the relationship and how she viewed certain things.

She would always ask questions that would provoke fights or arguments. Would you dump me if a prettier girl came along and asked you out?

If I got fat would you still love me. Then it got worse, and went to some scary stuff I choose not to share with this forum out of respect to the then relationship. Mostly towards the ex.

And anytime I was near the end of a semester like the first one of the year... she called me up and said we're done because apparently I had some stupid website with a chick (again fully dressed) on it, and she was like how can I trust you? She dumped me, but would take me back the same day. But it really f'ed with my head that day. I couldn't get anything accomplished. Who does that, really? And then the negative BS started to build up. That happened during the midst of a heavy project and exam time. Lets just say I lost a lot of muscle and weight during that time due to stress, lack of sleep, and diet. Thankfully I gained back a lot of that muscle in the following semester.

Lets just say I became an uglier person because of the relationship. I started cursing and yelling at her. I didn't like where I was heading. All I know is I am better without her, because I was starting to get scared with how angry I would get. Nobody should ever get you to that state, but man... the nagging just never stopped. It came at the worst times.

So yes, I would say she also did better by getting rid of me.. we both played a factor in the breakup. As much as we loved eachother, we knew how to press eachother's buttons.

I never want to become that abusive tool that we hear so often about, and wonder why these women stick with them.

OMG!! She was pathetic. She obviously had some severe issues that you had nothing to do with. Time to grab some porn dude and deck the halls with it. Your relationship was not healthy at all and hopefully you will be able to move on hella fast because truly... she sounds like an insecure loser.

 

[IrishJedi]

Okay, Eli... here's an unsolicited take from an "old dude" who has been through pretty much all the wars:

If what you have posted is true (and I have no reason to believe otherwise) then I'm sorry to say that she didn't truly LOVE you. True love sees beyond anything even remotely trivial, like hobbies, pets, magazines, etc.

In a nutshell, it looks like she is selfish, immature, and insecure. All of the things you've shared point that out. If this is indeed the case, then you are much better off going out on your own in hopes of finding someone who really LOVES you for who you are.

And I know it's hard. Breakups always are. But that has more to do with fear of the unknown and uncertainty as well as just being used to that person in your life than it does as an indication that you're supposed to be together. But the hard stuff and the pain can actually be turned into a positive, because it makes things just a little easier next time and in the future.

Also, trust me... if you're ever lucky enough to find The One (your true soulmate, your "dream girl", and someone who loves you for you know matter what) then you will know. And whether or not you end up being with that person (sometimes circumstances can get in the way... such as in my case) that connection will still be there (forever) and your life will be brighter every day with her in it. What I'm saying is... you clearly haven't had such a profound connection yet. But you can. And it's the best thing in life. So keep your chin up.

Oh, and there's nothing wrong with Maxim chicks, either. (Right, Shai?)

 

[The Mike]

1. She wants me to sell my stuff and constantly puts it down and calls it crap.

Already not a good sign, not a dealbreaker because I know a lot of happy couples who do not have common interests and bust each other's balls over them but still not a good sign.

2. She hates my cats and wants me to get rid of them, yet they have been a part of my life for 18 years.

This was a HUGE red flag, this means she wants you to sever ties to another living thing around before her because of her will. Next would have been friends she doesn't like and in extreme cases I've seen friends cut off their families because their significant others wanted them to.

3. She constantly makes lists for me of what I should do.

This is normal. "Honey Do" lists are a basic component of most long term relationships.

4. I always feel like I am taking her and treating her out.

This depends on your views in a relationship. Most old school guys do this and feel they are expect to anyway.

5. She doesn't get along with any of my friends.

See number two, they were next.

6. She constantly scolds me.

You already have a mother right?

Yet I feel awful losing her... why?

Because despite reasons for getting out you still had feeling for her. Its nature's joke on us for being so committed even if the signs are there to get out.

Maybe she never did love me. She wanted this perfect guy.... honestly I got fed up being this guy she wanted so I said I wanted to end the relationship.

I hope I made the right decision. Nobody should have to change for anyone.

Like a buddy once said... a ton of times okay...

Women are _____'ed so _____ them!

Don't internalize. Chalk it up to life experience, let yourself grieve as much as you need and move along. If you internalize you'll go bat^^^^ crazy yourself. I do agree with the ^^^^ing women though that is fun.

I feel for you Eli.

 

[tnaig001]

Hi Eli. Think you're going through the normal course of mourning a relationship, healthy or otherwise.

When we've been someone for a while, we need closure; time to reflect, understand and mourn.

Denying your feelings will make the process harder. Suck it up and let it help you grow.

You are at least clearer now on what you value in yourself and prospective mate.

Lastly, you're still young, cut yourself some slack and allow for mistakes.

Hang tight,
James.

 

[The Craw]

i think you'll be OK in the long run. women come and go but it's hard to replace some collectibles or a good cat.

 

[The Mike]

Huh juxaposing one ^^^^^ to another....interesting.

 

[Jen]

Sorry to hear about this Eli, I really am. But as everyone else has already pointed out, it definitely sounds like it was the best and healthiest decision for both of you.

This is the time for you to find out who you really are and what you really want out of life and in a partner. I agree with Gekko in the saying "like attracts like".....as awful as it is to admit, because then we have to accept that we have some work to do on ourselves. Whenever I have a break up - I always try to learn from it....why was I attracted to this person - what does that say about me....and in delving deeper within myself, I can see my own faults that I had pretended or chosen to ignore.

It's too easy to fall in love with the idea in our head of who we think our partner is, or should be. Everyone is trying to make the best impression....then you start to see them for who they are...and either you are okay with that or you realize, this is not at all what I thought I was getting into and at that moment of realization, you need to let go and move on.

It's understandable to want to hold on to that initial idea of who you thought you fell in love with....to keep hoping that things will change back for the better...but I don't think that happens. If things start out swell and then start going sour as time passes on....then you know that the beginning was a facade and you did the right thing by getting out.

See this as a learning experience, not just about women but most importantly an experience for you to find out more about you. I had a friend who was such a people pleaser type of person. She would put her own needs/desires on the backburner and focus her time and energy on making her boyfriend feel secure and happy. Then one day she got fed up...because he become more and more needy and expected more and more from her. It was not give and take...for her it was give, give, give. She set herself up....by not setting boundaries and not expecting anything in return, she put herself in a position where she realized that she would never be a receiver and this was all her own doing. She let this happen, she put the wheels in motion and now she didn't like the results because she didn't recognize from the beginning of the relationship that her needs were important as well. She thought that making her partner happy would make her happy....and it did for awhile, but it doesn't make for a productive long term relationship. It's great to want to make the person in your life feel like the king/queen of the world.....but they also need to be doing that for you. She learned a lot about herself after that.

All experiences are about growing and finding out more about ourselves so we can hopefully have better relationships in the future.

Your a good, strong guy Eli. After the heartbreak wears off (which is mostly the sadness of having invested so much time and energy into something that didn't turn out as you hoped it would) you are they type of guy that will learn from this and grow from it and that says a great deal about your character.

 

[IrishJedi]

I'll also point out that this is definitely one of those things that you will look back on and shake your head at in the future after all the dust has settled and you can see it more clearly. The person in the middle of the maelstrom often has the worst and most muddled view. Hang in there.

 

[agen_kolar]

I never want to become that abusive tool that we hear so often about, and wonder why these women stick with them.

There's a lot of different reasons, many of which involve the children, if there are any. And most women are actually killed while they are in the process of or about to leave the man, so it ends up looking like they stayed until they were killed and then some of the blame is placed on them, i.e. "They should've known better..."

Anyway, I think you did the right thing. You deserve someone who will embrace you for who you are, Star Wars collectibles and all. And as others have said, relationships are about compromise and communication. Asking you to change who you are is asking too much. Meet somewhere in the middle.

 

[Voorhees27]

i think you'll be OK in the long run. women come and go but it's hard to replace some collectibles or a good cat.

 

[El Roranous]

I disagree... with everyone.
Stay the same and don't learn from this. If anything just realize what you have known all along- this b itc h was crazy. Get drunk, buy some porn just to spite her memory, and move forward. One day you will run into someone who fits you better- I guarantee that. Don't be stressed over this train wreck because you obviously were unhappy.

Time to celebrate the demise of this unhealthy relationship.

 

[creature4000]

I disagree... with everyone.
Stay the same and don't learn from this. If anything just realize what you have known all along- this b itc h was crazy. Get drunk, buy some porn just to spite her memory, and move forward. One day you will run into someone who fits you better- I guarantee that. Don't be stressed over this train wreck because you obviously were unhappy.

Time to celebrate the demise of this unhealthy relationship.

Definately time to celebrate!

 

[IrishJedi]

Guinness for all!

 

[The Chaver]

Well, in her defence I became very ugly towards the end.

Being a full-time film student and being stressed out enough with that as it is (heavy case load that never seems to end), you would think that the person who is with you would add to your life and take away from that stress. Rather than adding to it.

We started out as the perfect couple. Then she found out I had Maxims and that was where her confidence and trust started to fade with us. Apparently looking at fully, yet provocatively, and scantily clad dressed woman is cheating. In her mind, it's cheating on a mental level. So you're not truly faithful to your lover. I remember her going on a rampage ripping up my collection. I was like, they are fantasy only. You're my fantasy come reality. These women are just some girls on paper that live thousands of miles away. I have no intention of tracking them down.

I never got that since I have never been known to cheat on anyone. I am as innocent as they come.

1. Not a stalker.

2. I am a student. Too poor to stalk Maxim girls.

So right off the bat there was absurdity in the relationship and how she viewed certain things.

She would always ask questions that would provoke fights or arguments. Would you dump me if a prettier girl came along and asked you out?

If I got fat would you still love me. Then it got worse, and went to some scary stuff I choose not to share with this forum out of respect to the then relationship. Mostly towards the ex.

And anytime I was near the end of a semester like the first one of the year... she called me up and said we're done because apparently I had some stupid website with a chick (again fully dressed) on it, and she was like how can I trust you? She dumped me, but would take me back the same day. But it really f'ed with my head that day. I couldn't get anything accomplished. Who does that, really? And then the negative BS started to build up. That happened during the midst of a heavy project and exam time. Lets just say I lost a lot of muscle and weight during that time due to stress, lack of sleep, and diet. Thankfully I gained back a lot of that muscle in the following semester.

Lets just say I became an uglier person because of the relationship. I started cursing and yelling at her. I didn't like where I was heading. All I know is I am better without her, because I was starting to get scared with how angry I would get. Nobody should ever get you to that state, but man... the nagging just never stopped. It came at the worst times.

So yes, I would say she also did better by getting rid of me.. we both played a factor in the breakup. As much as we loved eachother, we knew how to press eachother's buttons.

I never want to become that abusive tool that we hear so often about, and wonder why these women stick with them.

I'm genuinely a nice and easy going guy myself,but you are right, in that a person that your not happy with can make you angry in ways that You never thought you could be....

 

[Jen]

Guinness for all!

I'm going straight to the hard stuff - give me a shot of Jameson's....then I'll wash it down with a Guinness.

 

[KingGrayskull]

I have mixed feelings. I am very sad because I wanted to marry this woman, and she wanted to have kids. We loved eachother a lot.

Sadly I found out that love isn't everything.

Having said that, I will miss her but we had a pretty ugly fight tonight. I said some pretty mean things I won't be able to take back.

I said I wanted to end it because...

1. She wants me to sell my stuff and constantly puts it down and calls it crap.

2. She hates my cats and wants me to get rid of them, yet they have been a part of my life for 18 years.

3. She constantly makes lists for me of what I should do.

4. I always feel like I am taking her and treating her out.

5. She doesn't get along with any of my friends.

6. She constantly scolds me.

Yet I feel awful losing her... why?

Maybe she never did love me. She wanted this perfect guy.... honestly I got fed up being this guy she wanted so I said I wanted to end the relationship.

I hope I made the right decision. Nobody should have to change for anyone.

Like a buddy once said... a ton of times okay...

Women are _____'ed so _____ them!

I am absolutly with you my friend... In fact I am almost in the same situation and have to make a decision aswell...

While my girl loves my collection she hates all my friends. Girls are called "bit*hes" no matter if shes my best friend or just somebody in the background when we are telephoning. I had to fight for more than 4 years to show her (her parents and friends) that I am no cheater... She always checks my mobile when I am taking a shower... Though I love her.

I can really feel your pain but trust me you have done the right decision and I envy you for being so brave. Your free man.

Go out and get a chick for the night and make sure she leaves in the morning without leaving a name or number

 

[Voorhees27]

I am absolutly with you my friend... In fact I am almost in the same situation and have to make a decision aswell...

While my girl loves my collection she hates all my friends. Girls are called "bit*hes" no matter if shes my best friend or just somebody in the background when we are telephoning. I had to fight for more than 4 years to show her (her parents and friends) that I am no cheater... She always checks my mobile when I am taking a shower... Though I love her.

I can really feel your pain but trust me you have done the right decision and I envy you for being so brave. Your free man.

Go out and get a chick for the night and make sure she leaves in the morning without leaving a name or number

Correct but add blow to grayskulls scenario.

 

[Darth Snoopy]

Sorry to hear about this, Eli but I think you made the right decision.

When someone makes you change, or tries hard to make you change, that's not love. That's dominance.

For what it's worth...you'll be better off without her. Someone who cares for you will love & respect you for who you are...not who they can make you into.

Take care, buddy.

 

[drod26]

Your a brave man... Brake ups are always not easy, but you did it for the right reasons. Let me tell you something partner. True love comes with adjustments in your life style and change. When I say change I am refering to accomodating your lovers request but not to the point that it makes you miserable or you have to give up a part of you that makes you. For example your cats, they are a part of you and it would be very difficult to apart from them even when life takes its course.

Your pain will pass, hang out with you friends, be sociable and make the best of the situation you are in.

 

[Shropt]

For Eli: