SSF Joke Thread

[Mesa]

Well, I heard this joke a long time ago and thought it would be easy to look it up online and link to here, but it was no easy task. It's more of a drawing joke that you draw on a napkin at a bar (or wherever), but none of the online links had the drawings that I could link to...

so here is my own personal drawing of this joke (the text is borrowed).


NOTE: enlarge image and don't scroll ahead

 

[Devil_666]

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan! They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive!

She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out: "Watch the wall! WATCH THE WALL!!!"

 

[GrayWolf87]

Read this one a while ago:

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit didn't like each other very much and one day, whilst they were walking through the woods they came across a golden frog. The frog turned to them and said: "Ooh, I don't often meet anyone in these parts." They were amazed that the frog had talked to them.

The golden frog admitted: "Mind you, when I do meet someone I always give them six wishes. You can have three wishes each in this case.

Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish.

Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head.

Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit's wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish.

Mr. Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine.

Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world.

The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish.

Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said: "I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rode off as fast as he could!

 

[villainsfan42]

So a horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

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[hoodonit00]

Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to
her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some
machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the
plug."


She got up, unplugged the TV, and threw out my beer.


She's such a _____.....

 

[hoodonit00]

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asks, "Do you know her?"

"Yes," I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" says my wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

So you see, there really are 2 ways to look at everything.

 

[Agent0028]

If you are an American when you go in the bathroom, and an American when you come out of the bathroom, what are you while you are in the bathroom?

Spoiler

European.

 

[-Super Hans-]

I know a joke.





Womens rights.....






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[the Doctor]

 

[GrueSam]

 

[the Doctor]

 

[the Doctor]

 

[the Doctor]

 

[hairlesswookiee]

 

[The Ringer]

 

[the Doctor]

 

[GrayWolf87]

 

[praxitas]

While waiting for his plane to take off a lawyer sits down across from a blonde and begins to read the paper. As he flips to the next page it exposes the headline "20 Brazilians killed in a bus crash." The blonde very much alarmed says to the lawyer "Oh my that is horrible, but how many is in a Brazilian??"

 

[villainsfan42]

epic fail. the video is much, much, much better.

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[Batty]

epic fail. the video is much, much, much better.

<object style="height: 344px; width: 425px"><param name="movie" value="https://www.youtube.com/v/WW6vyxTqNis"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"><embed src="https://www.youtube.com/v/WW6vyxTqNis" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="425" height="344"></object>

Awful spit take.