SSF Joke Thread

[shakesnake]

How do you make someone with curly hair to stop jumping in bed?

Spoiler

you put some velcro in the ceiling

 

[Voorhees27]

What did the five fingers say to the face?

 

[villainsfan42]

https://www.sideshowcollectors.com/forums/showthread.php?t=3026&highlight=jokes

some real gems in here............

mAKALiz;42650]CHINESE PROVERBS

> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> Man who run in front of car get tired.
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> Man who run behind car get exhausted.
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give
> wife upright organ.
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways
> going to Bangkok.
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> Man with one chopstick go hungry.
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> Panties not best thing on earth! But next to best
> thing on earth.
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> War does not determine who is right, war determine
> who is left.
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in
> cat house.
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at
> night.
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to
> fill it.
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> Man who live in glass house should change clothes in
> basement.
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

[/QUOTE]

What did the five fingers say to the face?

 

[Voorhees27]

the punchline is slap.

 

[Maglor]

Very racist joke-only read if you don't get offended easily.

Spoiler

Well, look at you. You freaking racist. You just had to look.

Awesome!

 

[the Doctor]

<TABLE border=0 cellSpacing=1 cellPadding=8 width=498 bgColor=#ffffff><TBODY><TR><TD class=contentjoke01 vAlign=top align=left>Married Life</TD></TR><TR><TD class=contentjoke02 height=280 vAlign=top align=left>Two married friends are out drinking…
One says to the other: "I can never sneak into the house after I've been drinking. I've tried everything. I turn the headlights off before I go up the drive. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off and creep upstairs. I get undressed in the bathroom. I do everything, but then my wife still wakes up and yells at me for staying out late."

His friend replies: "Do what I do. I screech into the driveway, slam the front door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, slap my wife's bottom and say, "How about a ___w job?" She always pretends she's asleep."</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>

 

[Biojex]

How many ADD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?




















hey lets ride bikes.

 

[LipSmack]

<TABLE border=0 cellSpacing=1 cellPadding=8 width=498 bgColor=#ffffff><TBODY><TR><TD class=contentjoke01 vAlign=top align=left>Married Life</TD></TR><TR><TD class=contentjoke02 height=280 vAlign=top align=left>Two married friends are out drinking…
One says to the other: "I can never sneak into the house after I've been drinking. I've tried everything. I turn the headlights off before I go up the drive. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off and creep upstairs. I get undressed in the bathroom. I do everything, but then my wife still wakes up and yells at me for staying out late."

His friend replies: "Do what I do. I screech into the driveway, slam the front door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, slap my wife's bottom and say, "How about a ___w job?" She always pretends she's asleep."</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>

awesome!

 

[LipSmack]

A jew, A Nazi, A black guy and A member of the KKK walk into a bar
and the bartender says














"Is this a Joke"

 

[Darth Caedus]

What did the five fingers say to the face?

 

[the Doctor]

Who was the first accountant?

Adam...he turned the leaf,made an entry and changed the figure.

 

[The Ringer]

Charlie MURPHY! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Legion]

A man boards an airplane and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes that she is headed straight toward his seat. A wave of nervous anticipation washes over him. Low and behold, she takes the seat right beside his. Anxious to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, "So where are you flying to today?"

She turns and smiles and says, "To the annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago."

Whoa! He swallows hard and is instantly CRAZED with excitement. Here's the most gorgeous woman he's ever seen, sitting right next to him, and she's going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his outward cool, he calmly asks, "And what's your role at this convention?"

She flips her long hair back, turns to him, looks into his eyes, and says, "Well, I try to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

Really", he says, swallowing hard, again. "And what myths are those?"

She explains: "Well, one popular myth is that African American men are the most well-endowed, when, in fact, it is the Native American who is most likely to possess this trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Irish descent who romance women best, on average."

Very interesting" the man responds.

Suddenly, the woman becomes very embarrassed, and blushes. "I'm sorry," she says, "I feel so awkward discussing this with you, and I don't even know your name."

The man extends his hand and replies, "Tonto.......... Tonto Murphy."

 

[Rotfish]

Yay, geek joke:

A sodium atom walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "I think I've lost an electron."
The bartender asks, "Are you sure?"
The atom says, "I'm positive."

 

[Darth Cruel]

I only know one joke.

A bus full of Catholic school girls goes over a cliff and kills them all. At the pearly gates, St. Peter says to the first girl, "Mary Dougherty, have you ever seen a man's _____?" Mary says, "Yes, St.Peter." So St.Peter has her splash holy water in her eyes. "Now you may enter the Kingdom of Heaven child."

St.Peter says to the next girl, "Elizabeth Sullivan, have you ever touched a man's _____?" Elizabeth responds, "Yes, St.Peter." So, St.Peter has her dip her hand in the holy water, and lets her through the gate.

Suddenly, there's a commotion at the back of the line, as one of the girls shoves her way to the front. St. Peter asks, "Maggie O'Reilly, what seems to be the problem?" Maggie answers, "If I'm going to have to drink that holy water, I'm doing it before Katie O'Connell washes her ___hole in it."

LOL...This is pretty funny. But it surprises me that you find this humorous when an avatar of a photoshopped skidmark on a pair of underwear on a kids head seemed to offend you.

 

[Maglor]

LOL...This is pretty funny. But it surprises me that you find this humorous when an avatar of a photoshopped skidmark on a pair of underwear on a kids head seemed to offend you.

Actually whenever I saw that I had to quickly scroll past!




@ "Tonto Murphy"

 

[Legion]

@ "Tonto Murphy"

Thankfully someone liked it it took ages to type

 

[devilof76]

LOL...This is pretty funny. But it surprises me that you find this humorous when an avatar of a photoshopped skidmark on a pair of underwear on a kids head seemed to offend you.

Because skidmarks are gross.

 

[Legion]

Because skidmarks are gross.

As long as theyre not on me I'm cool with em

 

[the dude person]

I came up with a joke the other day, what better way to share it than posting it here?

And sorry guys, it's a clean, family-friendly joke...

So a Russian guy named Dimitri and his Chinese wife are living in America. One day he goes to a tree farm to get trees to plant next his house, as his yard is rather large and barren. He returns without incident with several large yew trees.

In the middle of the night however, the wife is awakened by someone shouting "help!" She looks out the bedroom window, and there, stuck in one of the trees, is her husband. She calls the fire department.

Within minutes, three firefighters arrive at the house with their firetruck, and ask the wife what's going on.

She says, "Oh no, is terrible! Dimitri is stuck and you three must help him!"

Of course, being of Chinese origin, instead of "three," it sounded like "tree."

The firefighter responds, "No, that yew tree does not seem like it will help anyone, and what is the me tree?"


sorry guys, pretty rough I know, but I made it up myself...