Why the F do girls have this much effect on people???

[ChrisCJ99]

So you guys can pat yourselves on the back, because everything you've said has been great advice and true.

But I had a question for the ladies (or guys)..... Basically, if you broke up with someone and wanted to be alone then found yourself wanting to come back to them and work things out again, would you feel it was appropriate to apologize to the other person??

The reason I ask was because of course we spoke again (she was offering to pick me up at the airport when I arrive this Thursday - and I'll comment on that soon) Buuuuuut, apparently she is waiting for me to arrive home so she can "discuss" all this with me in person. I though that was ridiculous to wait, and thought it could be discussed over the phone...... To sum it up, she feels that there's no reason for an apology. That she did NOTHING wrong. That she just wanted a "break" from the stresses of our relationship and now she would like to "explore options" as to make it work somehow........ Apparently the decision to "leave me high and dry" was "for the best" and apparently I should UNDERSTAND why it was done......... Apparently now, she feels that a possible "resolution" to all this is to move out here to Cali with me....... She feels that long distance is difficult and that being physically close will help our relationship...... How the F is that going to fix anything???? So basically now, she doesn't feel the need to apologize or REPAIR any damage that's been done. She feels that the "repairing" will be done when she moves out here and we're physically close...

Sooooo, I'm sorry for those who are sick of hearing this. To me it's something new, but again the same old S**t. You may think "man, this guy just doesn't learn"..... But that's where you're wrong I actually sat back after the convo and said to myself "this is the same old BS and I'm falling right back into the same mess I've been in for 3.5 years"... I also see what people say about "falling back into the trap". Because I felt that comfort of having someone back in your life, but after being away from it, I see how toxic it has gotten by now I honestly believe now that seeing each other will only make it more difficult, and that seeing each other at the airport will only cloud my judgement and make me fall right back into that mess again (thank you Morbach )

So whatcha think of that?

 

[praxitas]

If you meet up with her at the airport or go out for fun during the week it is of the utmost importance that you don't "tap it" Sex clouds any and all rational thinking.

Listen to what she has to say since it has been 3.5yrs. But, if it sounds like the same ole situation and you will be back to square one I would tell her you need time to think. Then SHE will be the one sitting there thinking wtf is happening. Look at your options and procede... or ask us for advice

 

[creature4000]

You're Doomed!

You shouldn't expect/demand an appology if you are seriously considering trying to make things work out. (obviously you are or you would have kicked her to the curb already)

Good Luck! agree with Praxitas!

 

[ChrisCJ99]

If you meet up with her at the airport or go out for fun during the week it is of the utmost importance that you don't "tap it" Sex clouds any and all rational thinking.

Listen to what she has to say since it has been 3.5yrs. But, if it sounds like the same ole situation and you will be back to square one I would tell her you need time to think. Then SHE will be the one sitting there thinking wtf is happening. Look at your options and procede... or ask us for advice

I agree.... I know that intimacy REALLY clouds everything Been down that road before....

But I don't think there's really much more she has to say, but I could be wrong since she apparently wants to get "everything out" when I'm physically there. But as of right now, if she's giving me this "I don't owe you an apology" crap then it's much easier for me to say "F this" and keep moving on.....

You're Doomed!

You shouldn't expect/demand an appology if you are seriously considering trying to make things work out. (obviously you are or you would have kicked her to the curb already)

Good Luck! agree with Praxitas!

Well, I'm a person that can forgive if someone is GENUINELY sorry for what they did...... But apparently she feels that NO apology is needed and that she did NOTHING wrong?!?!?! Are you kidding me?? That's what I've dealt with the entire relationship, is someone who NEVER admits their faults and never apologizes.... Just patches things up and hopes the problems are just "forgotten about".....

 

[GrueSam]

It's your ego wanting the apology.

You must make this decision when dealing with any partner:
"Would you rather be 'Right' or would you rather have an intimate, loving relationship?"

Because ya can't have both.


Now... I say that in regards to a *healthy* relationship.
But that, my friend, you do NOT have.

Grow your balls back and when you see her tell her it's O-V-E-R.
Do it not only for yourself but for her. She needs to realize once and for all that manipulating men is not nice, not fair, nor does it work.

Otherwise, be prepared for the monster you are about to create.

-samantha

 

[Skiman]

I would think then you are stuck in her world for EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and

It's your ego wanting the apology.

You must make this decision when dealing with any partner:
"Would you rather be 'Right' or would you rather have an intimate, loving relationship?"

Because ya can't have both.


Now... I say that in regards to a *healthy* relationship.
But that, my friend, you do NOT have.

Grow your balls back and when you see her tell her it's O-V-E-R.
Do it not only for yourself but for her. She needs to realize once and for all that manipulating men is not nice, not fair, nor does it work.

Otherwise, be prepared for the monster you are about to create.

-samantha

 

[316what]

So you guys can pat yourselves on the back, because everything you've said has been great advice and true.

But I had a question for the ladies (or guys)..... Basically, if you broke up with someone and wanted to be alone then found yourself wanting to come back to them and work things out again, would you feel it was appropriate to apologize to the other person??

The reason I ask was because of course we spoke again (she was offering to pick me up at the airport when I arrive this Thursday - and I'll comment on that soon) Buuuuuut, apparently she is waiting for me to arrive home so she can "discuss" all this with me in person. I though that was ridiculous to wait, and thought it could be discussed over the phone...... To sum it up, she feels that there's no reason for an apology. That she did NOTHING wrong. That she just wanted a "break" from the stresses of our relationship and now she would like to "explore options" as to make it work somehow........ Apparently the decision to "leave me high and dry" was "for the best" and apparently I should UNDERSTAND why it was done......... Apparently now, she feels that a possible "resolution" to all this is to move out here to Cali with me....... She feels that long distance is difficult and that being physically close will help our relationship...... How the F is that going to fix anything???? So basically now, she doesn't feel the need to apologize or REPAIR any damage that's been done. She feels that the "repairing" will be done when she moves out here and we're physically close...

Sooooo, I'm sorry for those who are sick of hearing this. To me it's something new, but again the same old S**t. You may think "man, this guy just doesn't learn"..... But that's where you're wrong I actually sat back after the convo and said to myself "this is the same old BS and I'm falling right back into the same mess I've been in for 3.5 years"... I also see what people say about "falling back into the trap". Because I felt that comfort of having someone back in your life, but after being away from it, I see how toxic it has gotten by now I honestly believe now that seeing each other will only make it more difficult, and that seeing each other at the airport will only cloud my judgement and make me fall right back into that mess again (thank you Morbach )

So whatcha think of that?

Let her pick you up from the airport, drive you to whereever you're staying. Then tell her thanks for the ride, but the time apart has shown you how toxic the relationship has been and you can't do it anymore.

Do that or just admit you're a eunich.

 

[ChrisCJ99]

It's your ego wanting the apology.

You must make this decision when dealing with any partner:
"Would you rather be 'Right' or would you rather have an intimate, loving relationship?"

Because ya can't have both.


Now... I say that in regards to a *healthy* relationship.
But that, my friend, you do NOT have.

Grow your balls back and when you see her tell her it's O-V-E-R.
Do it not only for yourself but for her. She needs to realize once and for all that manipulating men is not nice, not fair, nor does it work.

Otherwise, be prepared for the monster you are about to create.

-samantha

Well I know at times I have to suck up my pride, but I don't think I should have to in this situation....

Although I'm well aware that this is far from a healthy relationship, what observations have you made to come to that conclusion? (although I'm sure its obvious, I'd just like to hear your point of view )

But that's why I'm contemplating even seeing her at the airport..... It'll just bring back good memories and cloud my judgment. After speaking yesterday I'm finding myself with the "empty and unsatisfied" feeling. I got NO relief by talking to her and she's always just gotten what SHE wants. She has NO remorse for anything she ever does, and that's just sad when you felt that someone REALLY loved you, ya know?

So I guess my next plan of action will be how to avoid her when I'm in town, and just lay it down that we're DONE and OVER.

 

[GrueSam]

Although I'm well aware that this is far from a healthy relationship, what observations have you made to come to that conclusion? (although I'm sure its obvious, I'd just like to hear your point of view )

What observations have I made to come to that conclusion???

Are you serious, Man?

EVERYTHING.

But once you have a healthy relationship, you will look back on this one and shake your head BIG TIME.

You will not look back with fond memories except for ones surrounding the inexperience of youth.
"We were so young and dumb back then..."
*sigh*

Now get off of this toy forum and go pump iron or do anything that makes you feel like the man you are.

And if you think I'm kidding, trust me- I'm not.
Step away from the computer and go do something sweaty that will reconnect you to yourself.

 

[ChrisCJ99]

What observations have I made to come to that conclusion???

Are you serious, Man?

EVERYTHING.

But once you have a healthy relationship, you will look back on this one and shake your head BIG TIME.

You will not look back with fond memories except for ones surrounding the inexperience of youth.
"We were so young and dumb back then..."
*sigh*

Now get off of this toy forum and go pump iron or do anything that makes you feel like the man you are.

And if you think I'm kidding, trust me- I'm not.
Step away from the computer and go do something sweaty that will reconnect you to yourself.

Good call... And trust me, I started doing that. But I had some misfortunes happen to me lately that prevented me from hitting the gym

Had minor surgery, but I'm bouncing back soon

Thanks for the words Sam

 

[GrueSam]

You're welcome!

Now go for a walk or something, situps- anything!

 

[Skiman]

Lifts a few beers!!!

 

[316what]

What observations have I made to come to that conclusion???

Are you serious, Man?

EVERYTHING.

But once you have a healthy relationship, you will look back on this one and shake your head BIG TIME.

You will not look back with fond memories except for ones surrounding the inexperience of youth.
"We were so young and dumb back then..."
*sigh*

Now get off of this toy forum and go pump iron or do anything that makes you feel like the man you are.

And if you think I'm kidding, trust me- I'm not.
Step away from the computer and go do something sweaty that will reconnect you to yourself.

At the very least he should go kill some Ewoks.

 

[Morbach]

Yeah, Chris, buddy, myself and everyone else up here gave you some great advice but GrueSam just gave you the best advice. She nailed it. If you don't listen to her words of wisdom you are a fool, bro. Ultimately it is your choice, but man to man I will tell you that when a girl gives you advice take it. They know more than any one guy could tell you (usually) and they know what a woman wants so take the advice and run wit it, bro.

 

[ChrisCJ99]

Well, for those who are still interested I thought I'd post a quick little update....

I arrived last Thursday night into Tampa and I was actually picked up at the airport by the lady. How was I feeling? Happy yet still shut off...... It's like we picked up where we left off. Everything seemed fine. But as the "fluff" wore off I started sitting back and taking a look at everything.... Something still seemed off, as in NOT RIGHT.

Either way, I came down with the Swine flu The lady has been taking care of me since.

But, I still have another week of pondering to do.... She says she wants to work things out, and move to Cali with me in a couple months maybe. But I'm not all for it..... I had a taste of being alone and it isn't so scary anymore. So I'm not really too enthusiastic about jumping back into this relationship again

Sam's advice, and everyone else's, has really given me some good insight. So thanks again

 

[Wetanut]

I simply cannot believe you're still thinking about this. As your thread title says -- you're a great example of why we girls DO have this much effect on people because you "people" let us. And they say that females are illogical.

Sorry to be so blunt, but you're either a masochist or just like to post your angst to the world for attention.

 

[ChrisCJ99]

I simply cannot believe you're still thinking about this. As your thread title says -- you're a great example of why we girls DO have this much effect on people because you "people" let us. And they say that females are illogical.

Sorry to be so blunt, but you're either a masochist or just like to post your angst to the world for attention.

No no. You have every right to speak your mind. The only reason this hasn't been a clear and cut answer for me is because there were a LOT of strong memories that kept me hanging on for so long, even through all this crap..... It's like what people always say "You may forget every little word that was said to you, but you ALWAYS will remember how someone made you feel".... And unfortunately the reason I hang on to this so tightly is because I had such good feelings with this one person. Feelings that I NEVER experienced before and something I really valued. So for things to go sour was pretty devastating to me. But either way, I just wanted to get people's opinion and see if they could share THEIR experience with me. That's all

And I'm not doing this for attention. Like I said, I just thought it would be helpful to me and many others if I heard of other people's experiences in situations like these. And so far I think it's been a pretty successful discussion

 

[quadcent]

Lifts a few beers!!!

*picks up tv remote*

 

[The Ween]

Well, for those who are still interested I thought I'd post a quick little update....

I arrived last Thursday night into Tampa and I was actually picked up at the airport by the lady. How was I feeling? Happy yet still shut off...... It's like we picked up where we left off. Everything seemed fine. But as the "fluff" wore off I started sitting back and taking a look at everything.... Something still seemed off, as in NOT RIGHT.

Either way, I came down with the Swine flu The lady has been taking care of me since.

But, I still have another week of pondering to do.... She says she wants to work things out, and move to Cali with me in a couple months maybe. But I'm not all for it..... I had a taste of being alone and it isn't so scary anymore. So I'm not really too enthusiastic about jumping back into this relationship again

Sam's advice, and everyone else's, has really given me some good insight. So thanks again

Do you think you got the flu from the plane ride? Hope you're feeling better!

 

[-Super Hans-]

I simply cannot believe you're still thinking about this. As your thread title says -- you're a great example of why we girls DO have this much effect on people because you "people" let us. And they say that females are illogical.

Sorry to be so blunt, but you're either a masochist or just like to post your angst to the world for attention.

thats so harsh and true