Anyone ever have to relocate because of their spouse?

[ChrisCJ99]

Re: Anyone ever have to relocate becuase of their spouse?

I'm a little surprised by all the "if she can't do this for you then dump her" messages. Relationships are just that, a relationship between two people, it's not a dictatorship. I wonder if there is another internet message board somewhere with Chris' girlfriend asking a similar questions and getting responses like "well he should make this sacrifice for you and stay home, dump him."

Sorry Chris, but this is something that you're going to have to work this out with her. You state your case, she states hers. If you can come to an agreement without somebody feeling like they "gave in", then great. If not, then you need to do what's best for you.

I don't blame you for wanting to stay in San Fran. I get to go once a year, and love it every time.

edit: I just noticed the "another thread" in the original post. Sounds like there is more to the story than what is presented here...

It's actually LA that I want to stay at..... I actually didn't like living in San Fran. Visiting there is great, but I don't care for the atmosphere there..... at least in downtown.

But that's the thing, there is NO compromise here.... It's either I move back to Florida and THAT'S IT. I wouldn't mind living there if my career field was pretty vivacious out there, but it isn't..... Not like LA. I really like the area so far. But like I said, my opinion could be different in two years

The main thing that's making me angry is that fact that I'm just EXPECTED to just give up everything I've worked hard for just to be with this girl..... That's unfair. Any true wife would follow their spouse when their goals are meant to include BOTH parties. And especially when the wife doesn't have any career goals to aspire to.... If she's just dwindling in the wind, why fight the current?

If she refuses to move to CA for 6 mos. and give it a fair shot, what does that tell you about her committment to you? How important is the relationship to her? The same is true about you going to FL.

It is your life, your choices. You have to be willing to uphold your end of the bargain and whatever the choice make it for the right reasons. The end result is determined by both your efforts and both your reasons behind the choice.

Well, she actually was seriously considering moving here in August for the remainder of my school (about two more years after August) But she was under the impression that she'd be moving back to Florida..... And now that I want to reside in LA it's posing a big problem.....

 

[Something Sexy]

Re: Anyone ever have to relocate becuase of their spouse?

As always, great advice guys.... Thank you so much for the words.

Listen, I know I may not take the advice given and practice it TO THE TEE but it does give me some direction..... Call me weird, but I've always been interested to hear others people's life experiences and the successful or failing relationships I'm just always curious to hear what else happens in the world, just so I can compare.....

I know I wrote before about this particular girl, but since then things got really solid. I stopped being wishy washy, and grew up a little. I knew that she had some great qualities that I'd want in a friend, a lover and a wife. However now this poses an ENTIRELY new problem..... I've become MUCH more focused and motivated to pursue something, and my goals really conflict with her goals.

It's funny because I was never curious about LA until her and I attended the last Halloween Horror Nights at Universal in Hollywood. It was my first time in LA and I was totally FLOORED! I instantly fell in love..... I've always loved movies and the glitz and glamour of Hollywood, and now that I got to see it in person I just knew it's where I wanted to be..... And since coming here, I've been the happiest I've been in a LONG LONG time. I love talking to people, I love driving, I love working..... I just love everything right now, and that's a rare thing looking back on my life. And of course I'd like to share that with her, but we're clashing on what we want in life.... I hate to say it, but I haven't even considered giving up ANYTHING since this whole argument came up. I'm focused, I'm determined and I've never felt this way EVER. So I don't want to give it up......

Ski, thanks for the words man.... You've become a HUGE impact on the forum and I see why. You have lots of knowledge and are always eager to help, and I'm really grateful for that and Mr. Thrifty, you always have some very wise way of looking at things. Thanks for those words too

So as it stands, I'm keeping my position and pursuing my goals..... Unfortunately I can't say where I'm going to be after I graduate, and even IF I WILL graduate. I will feel really stupid if things take a bad turn and I gave up a great girl, but risks are risks right?

I think you just answered your own question. If you are the happiness you have been in a long long time in LA...away from your woman well then I guess it was meant to be that way.

 

[ChrisCJ99]

Re: Anyone ever have to relocate becuase of their spouse?

Chris, there are plenty of beautiful women here in L.A., as I'm sure you have already witnessed for yourself. You seem to have a clear picture of the goals you want to achieve and I feel that this girl will only hold you back. BTW, welcome to L.A.!

Thanks ill!!!! I would like to meet up with the LA Freaks sometime soon! I know GrueSam is out here, and I had a great time hanging out with her in San Fran

 

[Skiman]

Re: Anyone ever have to relocate becuase of their spouse?

Thanks ill!!!! I would like to meet up with the LA Freaks sometime soon! I know GrueSam is out here, and I had a great time hanging out with her in San Fran

I......... I might move to L.A. to hang with Gruesam and Ill

 

[The Ween]

Re: Anyone ever have to relocate becuase of their spouse?

You need to break up with this girl once and for all, move on, don't look back and don't get all wrapped up in a relationship until you're out of college.

This girl is what is holding you back from growing into a "man". she represents your home town and your formitave/younger years. you had the courage to leave the safety of all that and go out on your own, but she obiviously lacks that ability to do that.

You keep asking for advise but fail in following it. (you've heard the saying?)..."if I only knew now what I knew then"? it's hard to do but, listen...

You know the situtation is F'd up, you knew it before and you know it now; but instead of breaking free you grabed hold of it even tighter and proposed...

It's time to cut the ties and move on. trust me... in a few years you will look back and say to yourself... "WTF was I thiking".

Do what you will......

I actually thought he had broken up with her and I was shocked to hear she's still around. I'm curious as to why she's referred to as "spouse".

I agree with the hillybilly here.

 

[joogle]

Re: Anyone ever have to relocate becuase of their spouse?

Do you really want to stay close to your future in-laws? I think not, she probably wants to stay close to family due to comfort, but that might be uncomfortable for you

 

[ProgMatinee]

Re: Anyone ever have to relocate becuase of their spouse?

Why would anyone want to permanetly live in LA? I'd finish school and get the F out. After living in CA for 15 years I say the same about the state as a whole. Nice place to visit but if you have the typical middle class dream of owning a house, getting out of debt, etc, LA isn't the place to do it, IMO.

 

[The ill Jedi]

Re: Anyone ever have to relocate becuase of their spouse?

and I would party the nights away with ^^ guy until you find her.

:chew more :chew and a few

WRITE THAT DOWN!!

Thanks ill!!!! I would like to meet up with the LA Freaks sometime soon! I know GrueSam is out here, and I had a great time hanging out with her in San Fran

We'll find an excuse to have a get together soon. If you ever want to hang out hit me up!!

I......... I might move to L.A. to hang with Gruesam and Ill

I want all my fellow freaks to come to L.A.!!

 

[CAhobbit]

Re: Anyone ever have to relocate becuase of their spouse?

It seems you have a path to follow first BEFORE you jump on the marriage train (ie: finishing school and starting your career) or even the propose train. You're jumping at the chance to 'lock her in' (for lack of a better phrase) and it seems a bit premature given both of you don't seem to be ready for marriage (both of you don't live in the same state, you don't have a career, neither of you is willing to sacrifice for one another at this point, etc.). Perhaps keeping is a dating relationship would be better and once you are more stable (with degree/job in place) then you can move onto the big commitment of marriage (if you're both in a better place at that time of course).

 

[ChrisCJ99]

Re: Anyone ever have to relocate becuase of their spouse?

Do you really want to stay close to your future in-laws? I think not, she probably wants to stay close to family due to comfort, but that might be uncomfortable for you

actually, I really love her parents. Her family is a big reason I would like to spend my life with her. I get along with her family like I would my own friends. They're amazing.

Why would anyone want to permanetly live in LA? I'd finish school and get the F out. After living in CA for 15 years I say the same about the state as a whole. Nice place to visit but if you have the typical middle class dream of owning a house, getting out of debt, etc, LA isn't the place to do it, IMO.

Well, I'm not sure if I'd live in CA permanently, but I do know I want to find work and live there for a little while at least, after I graduate.

 

[BuffyGirl]

Re: Anyone ever have to relocate becuase of their spouse?

All I can say is, this probably isn't the relationship for you. The reason I say that is, my sweetheart would move anywhere with me, and I would do the same. It's about compromise and doing what's best for each of you. I compromise this time, and maybe next time it goes the other way.

Being near family is nice and all, but if she cared enough, she knows that you two would create your own family. I just think she's not taking you seriously, and that she thinks you will do what she wants in the end.

I don't want to make decisions for you, but I think in this case, it's the wrong decision to ask her to marry you, otherwise, you wouldn't be here asking us.

 

[Master Wayne]

Re: Anyone ever have to relocate becuase of their spouse?

All I can say is, this probably isn't the relationship for you. The reason I say that is, my sweetheart would move anywhere with me, and I would do the same. It's about compromise and doing what's best for each of you. I compromise this time, and maybe next time it goes the other way.

Being near family is nice and all, but if she cared enough, she knows that you two would create your own family. I just think she's not taking you seriously, and that she thinks you will do what she wants in the end.

I don't want to make decisions for you, but I think in this case, it's the wrong decision to ask her to marry you, otherwise, you wouldn't be here asking us.

Bravo. Bravo.

 

[The Mike]

Re: Anyone ever have to relocate becuase of their spouse?

I love these threads and how after the honest posts are done these kind of thread quickly degenerate. You have to decide what is a dealbreaker. You love LA, you dig it because its new. Its human nature to love something you are excited about and brand new.

What it comes down to ultimately is that if you are with someone and all in then there isn't really much you wouldn't do to keep things happy. If moving away from her relatives isn't something she is willing to do then you have to understand she isn't really in a long distance relationship but thinking you are away on a long term "vacation". The thought is that when you are done with whatever you are doing you'll go back and then you'll be together. She hasn't really processed the fact you are gone. 4 years is a lot but realize that if you would be willing to move anywhere for her, to make her happy and keep her goals and wants in mind but she won't do the same for you then that's the only red flag you need.

I would move anywhere for my wife and she has already told me she'd do the same for me plenty of times in our relationship. We almost ended up in Boston just a couple of years ago

Do you really want to move back and be with the person who wanted you tethered? That's a recipe for resentment and eventual hatred without a doubt.

 

[Sweet Rabbit]

Re: Anyone ever have to relocate becuase of their spouse?

time to drop her off

 

[-Super Hans-]

Re: Anyone ever have to relocate becuase of their spouse?

I would do anything for love...... but I wont relocate. This thread reminds me of that meat loaf song

 

[Skiman]

Re: Anyone ever have to relocate becuase of their spouse?

I would do anything for love...... but I wont relocate. This thread reminds me of that meat loaf song

 

[Darth Caedus]

Re: Anyone ever have to relocate becuase of their spouse?

I would agree with dumping her. Plus, in LA, you can probably find better

So she wants you to move to Florida, away from your schooling and possibly a great job to move somewhere where neither of you will be going to school and have no jobs..........Doesn't seem to fit any logic I know of; but then again in my experience, women and logic seem to be mutually exclusive

 

[Bamboota]

Re: Anyone ever have to relocate becuase of their spouse?

I'm available and I'll move to LA and rock ur world!

I'm a little surprised by all the "if she can't do this for you then dump her" messages. Relationships are just that, a relationship between two people, it's not a dictatorship. I wonder if there is another internet message board somewhere with Chris' girlfriend asking a similar questions and getting responses like "well he should make this sacrifice for you and stay home, dump him."

Sorry Chris, but this is something that you're going to have to work this out with her. You state your case, she states hers. If you can come to an agreement without somebody feeling like they "gave in", then great. If not, then you need to do what's best for you.

I don't blame you for wanting to stay in San Fran. I get to go once a year, and love it every time.

edit: I just noticed the "another thread" in the original post. Sounds like there is more to the story than what is presented here...

I disagree with anything that Buki saids.

 

[DPrime]

Re: Anyone ever have to relocate becuase of their spouse?

No, but with me being a military officer, no doubt my commonlaw girlfriend will. Well, technically she already has, now that I think of it...

 

[The Ween]

Re: Anyone ever have to relocate becuase of their spouse?

I'm a little surprised by all the "if she can't do this for you then dump her" messages. Relationships are just that, a relationship between two people, it's not a dictatorship. I wonder if there is another internet message board somewhere with Chris' girlfriend asking a similar questions and getting responses like "well he should make this sacrifice for you and stay home, dump him."

Sorry Chris, but this is something that you're going to have to work this out with her. You state your case, she states hers. If you can come to an agreement without somebody feeling like they "gave in", then great. If not, then you need to do what's best for you.

I don't blame you for wanting to stay in San Fran. I get to go once a year, and love it every time.

edit: I just noticed the "another thread" in the original post. Sounds like there is more to the story than what is presented here...

I agree completely. People can be extremely cavalier with "dump her" advice when the relationship isn't theirs to lose. I wonder how many of the "dump her ass" crowd have actually participated in marriages that lasted very long at all.

Compromise is necessary ... and you cannot expect her to give and you to take every time. If she's worth marrying, she's worth moving to Flordia for ... if not, so be it.

SnakeDoc

I think it's because alot of people have read the other thread and know alot of what he's been through with this girl before.

Personally, I think he'll drop out of school and move back.