Break ups suck. How do you rebound from a break up?

[crows]

And my mother lives with me since my father died because she can't be alone.

see that's different, because you already have your own place, family members crashing in your house is good,
and even if you go back to your parents house is good if you already left the house and tried living on your own, , but at 26 and never left the nest like Eli's girl, well, there is something wrong with that, its just no good being that old and technically still be treated like a child, see the problem is not someone living with their parents, that happens all the time, the problem i saw was that she probably relies on them for everything, she might have not have real responsibilities yet, which is not good for someone that age

 

[The Ween]

Black.......with all due respect, ____ happens. Life happens. Don't judge.

 

[crows]

Black.......with all due respect, ____ happens. Life happens. Don't judge.

can I ask, at what time did you went to live on your own? actually you just made me curious, i wonder at what time the freaks moved out of their parents for the first time,

 

[The Ween]

see that's different, because you already have your own place, family members crashing in your house is good,
and even if you go back to your parents house is good, but at 26 and never left the nest like Eli's girl, well, there is something wrong with that, its just no good being that old and technically still be treated like a child

We live in the family home. It's in my name, but it's still her's too. I've never officially left home. Like I said, ____ happens.

 

[The Mike]

I hate finding these threads late. All the good jokes are gone.

 

[The Ween]

can I ask, at what time did you went to live on your own? actually you just made me curious, i wonder at what time the freaks moved out of their parents for the first time,

You know, this is Eli's thread and I'm sure he's not going to appreciate us talking about this here.

 

[crows]

We live in the family home. It's in my name, but it's still her's too. I've never officially left home. Like I said, ____ happens.

yeah I get you, you are right

 

[crows]

You know, this is Eli's thread and I'm sure he's not going to appreciate us talking about this here.

Eli can just tell me to STFU Im sure he is familiar with the term

 

[Eli26]

I hate finding these threads late. All the good jokes are gone.

awwww Too bad, so sad.

 

[Eli26]

If you think she is worth the fight, then she probably is. Severing ties (for the most part) with my parents last year was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. My mother is extremely controlling (among other things). If she is miserable around her family, then maybe she can distance herself from them enough to give you and her another chance. If she wants to live next door to her parents, that would be a huge problem...your fight for her will be difficult and take a very long time. If she realizes how controlling her mother is, she may need your help with distancing herself. I am 41 and still can't handle my mother very easily. I was in my early thirties before I realized it was wrong of my mom to ever consider me her property. I wish you the best and hope she can get some freedom so you can have an honest chance with her.

I hope that made sense. Good luck!

It does. I hope like you, she breaks free from mother hen. Having said that, I hope she does it a lot earlier. lol

But yes, I don't want to give up on her. She gets me better than anyone has... and that is worth salvaging. Like someone said, all I have to lose at this point is a bit of pride. In the end, I don't even think I lose that.

 

[Boba Ben]

It does. I hope like you, she breaks free from mother hen. Having said that, I hope she does it a lot earlier. lol

But yes, I don't want to give up on her. She gets me better than anyone has... and that is worth salvaging. Like someone said, all I have to lose at this point is a bit of pride. In the end, I don't even think I lose that.

Follow your heart, man. It might not turn out like you want, but it sounds to me like it worth the shot to you.

 

[Eli26]

You know, this is Eli's thread and I'm sure he's not going to appreciate us talking about this here.

I am learning more and more each day, it's not all about me. I get that everyone goes through this pain. I can see why many people have made this thread their own thing. There are a lot of relative moments and issues brought up in this thread, that pretty much any person can say, "Hey, that was/is me!" This is a break up thread, and should be about everyone in general. To put all the focus on me is selfish. I started this thread in the hopes it would not only give a good amount of different perspective for me, but for others as well.

 

[occulum]

Ive only skimmed the thread but Ive noticed a few things.
Everything you've pointed out as a problem with her, you've created an excuse for those problems (usually yourself) . She's an adult and makes her own decisions.

If she really wants to be with you she would be with you. Period, end of story.

Either she does care about you and doesn't have the balls to break it off permanently or she wants to keep you on a leash (which you are handing to her) while she runs around. Or she worries about making her parents happy rather than the person she may want to spend her LIFE with so she can come back to you later. Either of which is pissing all over any respect she should have for someone she "supposedly" loves.

Ive been there and you never realize how blind/dumb you are in the situation until you've removed yourself from it and moved on.
My advice to you would be to have one last sit down with her and tell her how you feel about EVERYTHING. Her, her parents, how you feel about her etc. Then let her know you're breaking it off. Completely. And that its out of your control.
If she wants to be with you, she will. She'll find you and you'll have a sappy movie moment of realizing you both want to be with each other and you'll know she's willing to fight for you and she WILL CHANGE for you.
The absolute WORST thing you can do is keeping up the puppy dog following / contact with her. You're only devaluing your own ego in her eyes. She would actually be impressed if you broke it off. Either she will come looking for you or she will not. Either way would be a win for you.
If she's not willing to fight for you now, then what other times in the future will she not stand by you?
Put the ball in her court and walk away and don't look back. If she doesn't follow, she's not worth your time anyway.
Stop groveling and selling yourself short. Stand up for the good person you know you are and stop buying into this so-called "constant constructive criticism" BS. If she really loves you she would want to lift you up, not beat you down...

 

[Eli26]

Ive only skimmed the thread but Ive noticed a few things.
Everything you've pointed out as a problem with her, you've created an excuse for those problems (usually yourself) . She's an adult and makes her own decisions.

If she really wants to be with you she would be with you. Period, end of story.

Either she does care about you and doesn't have the balls to break it off permanently or she wants to keep you on a leash (which you are handing to her) while she runs around. Or she worries about making her parents happy rather than the person she may want to spend her LIFE with so she can come back to you later. Either of which is pissing all over any respect she should have for someone she "supposedly" loves.

Ive been there and you never realize how blind/dumb you are in the situation until you've removed yourself from it and moved on.
My advice to you would be to have one last sit down with her and tell her how you feel about EVERYTHING. Her, her parents, how you feel about her etc. Then let her know you're breaking it off. Completely. And that its out of your control.
If she wants to be with you, she will. She'll find you and you'll have a sappy movie moment of realizing you both want to be with each other and you'll know she's willing to fight for you and she WILL CHANGE for you.
The absolute WORST thing you can do is keeping up the puppy dog following / contact with her. You're only devaluing your own ego in her eyes. She would actually be impressed if you broke it off. Either she will come looking for you or she will not. Either way would be a win for you.
If she's not willing to fight for you now, then what other times in the future will she not stand by you?
Put the ball in her court and walk away and don't look back. If she doesn't follow, she's not worth your time anyway.
Stop groveling and selling yourself short. Stand up for the good person you know you are and stop buying into this so-called "constant constructive criticism" BS. If she really loves you she would want to lift you up, not beat you down...

Nice post coach positive, and I mean that as a compliment! I decided to put control in my hands and take a week away from her. I haven't spoken to her since Saturday. I came to that decision, we needed some time apart not to talk to each other. You definitely bring up some excellent points though. I'll definitely give it some consideration.

 

[The Ween]

I am learning more and more each day, it's not all about me. I get that everyone goes through this pain. I can see why many people have made this thread their own thing. There are a lot of relative moments and issues brought up in this thread, that pretty much any person can say, "Hey, that was/is me!" This is a break up thread, and should be about everyone in general. To put all the focus on me is selfish. I started this thread in the hopes it would not only give a good amount of different perspective for me, but for others as well.

That's nice, Eli, but it was going off into different directions.

Do what you need to do. You're the only one who knows her and knows what's best for you.

 

[GrueSam]

I agree with what Occulum wrote. Women often complain when their men act like men, but damn do we respect it! And it creates trust and admiration.

You want to be respected and admired Eli, trust me.

 

[crows]

It does. I hope like you, she breaks free from mother hen. Having said that, I hope she does it a lot earlier. lol

But yes, I don't want to give up on her. She gets me better than anyone has... and that is worth salvaging. Like someone said, all I have to lose at this point is a bit of pride. In the end, I don't even think I lose that.

I think the only way she could break free from the parents' control is if you take her away, Im not saying thats what you should do, but if you took her to live away with you or something, that would be the only way,

if not I could see a vicious circle going,
she is pretty old to be under her mother's wing,

 

[thenammagazine]

I think the only way she could break free from the parents' control is if you take her away, Im not saying thats what you should do, but if you took her to live away with you or something, that would be the only way,

if not I could see a vicious circle going,
she is pretty old to be under her mother's wing,

That could backfire though. If the connection wasn't broken she'd always blame him for preventing her from seeing her family. She has to realize on her own, that the umbilical chord is no longer necessary and that she's not her mother's puppet.

 

[Eli26]

I agree with what Occulum wrote. Women often complain when their men act like men, but damn do we respect it! And it creates trust and admiration.

You want to be respected and admired Eli, trust me.

What do you mean by men act like men? And you guys complain and respect it... can you give me some examples?

 

[crows]

That could backfire though. If the connection wasn't broken she'd always blame him for preventing her from seeing her family. She has to realize on her own, that the umbilical chord is no longer necessary and that she's not her mother's puppet.

that's true too