Break ups suck. How do you rebound from a break up?
- Thread starter Eli26
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fosing
Super Freak
Darth Cruel
Super Freak
That's a splash, not a flame. The quote was "You're going down in flames" And not "You're going down in a splash".
devilof76
Super Freak
Better?
fosing
Super Freak
That's a splash, not a flame. The quote was "You're going down in flames" And not "You're going down in a splash".
maybe i was telling Eli to bail out instead.
After the accident I was really depressed. In despair, actually, and I've never despaired before. I isolated. But I'm all better now.
Hi Eli!
You're too great a person to be isolated from the rest of us!
Eli26
Super Freak
No, you guys are probably right. But it was also her meddling mother that controlled a lot of the ____. The girl in question is 25. She'll be 26 in the Fall. Still lives with her parents. A big issue with our relationship wasn't even really us. It was the bull____ her mother would feed her. Eavesdropping in on conversations. Listening in on a second phone. Calling her daughter for 5 times a night while we would go out, taking a solid chunk of an hour out of our time together. Like really lady, I get that your son was a handful, and got into a lot of bad ____, and your husband is a recovering "fill in the blank" who neglects both you and your daughter when you try to talk to him. I know, I saw it personally with MY own eyes... I know she does this because her daughter is the only straight arrow in the family. Valedictorian and honour student at her high school. More importantly, the only graduate in the family. The only one who's going to University to be this huge success. But suffocating her by being unable to detach yourself from that umbilical cord did not only damage our relationship, and past ones, but will continue with future men she's with. Nobody wants to have to put up with that.
Reasons I love her.
1. She gets me better than anyone that isn't my mother, which sort of scares me.
2. We do have some great conversations.
3. She loves me back, we connect.
4. Love her morals and values. They are much like my own.
5. She's beautiful. She has a fit body too.
Reasons it won't work...
The family situation...
Not being able to pull herself away from her mom. Not being able to make her own decisions at times. Being easily manipulated by the mother and her best friend. She has a good heart and is a great woman. I know we can make it work, if I exercise more patience. And that she doesn't always look at me as a problem, and focus on the bigger one, the relationship she has with her mom. Yes, she can love her mom. But she needs to get some space from her. She constantly tells me how she's sick and tired of being treated like a 14-year-old and slave. Btw She does all the cooking and cleaning, while the old man brings in the money. Mother just sits there, smokes like a chimney, and plays best friend with her daughter. Our mutual friends even warned me, once you know the girl, you get to know her mother fast.
Also, she wants to live next door to her mother... so that always frustrates me. She keeps telling me she wants to be treated like an adult. She wants her mother to not put such a vice grip on their relationship, yet she contradicts those thoughts on every turn.
Reasons I love her.
1. She gets me better than anyone that isn't my mother, which sort of scares me.
2. We do have some great conversations.
3. She loves me back, we connect.
4. Love her morals and values. They are much like my own.
5. She's beautiful. She has a fit body too.
Reasons it won't work...
The family situation...
Not being able to pull herself away from her mom. Not being able to make her own decisions at times. Being easily manipulated by the mother and her best friend. She has a good heart and is a great woman. I know we can make it work, if I exercise more patience. And that she doesn't always look at me as a problem, and focus on the bigger one, the relationship she has with her mom. Yes, she can love her mom. But she needs to get some space from her. She constantly tells me how she's sick and tired of being treated like a 14-year-old and slave. Btw She does all the cooking and cleaning, while the old man brings in the money. Mother just sits there, smokes like a chimney, and plays best friend with her daughter. Our mutual friends even warned me, once you know the girl, you get to know her mother fast.
Also, she wants to live next door to her mother... so that always frustrates me. She keeps telling me she wants to be treated like an adult. She wants her mother to not put such a vice grip on their relationship, yet she contradicts those thoughts on every turn.
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Eli, until she's willing to get out of that house and be away from her mother, I'm afraid it's just going to be more of the same. She's going to have to cut the cord. Nothing you can do will change that. She's got to want it, and right now, she doesn't.
Is she asian?
Because in Asian culture, marrying the girl = the whole family.
Because in Asian culture, marrying the girl = the whole family.
Eli26
Super Freak
Wow, most edited post. I had to make so many corrections! lol I am still a bit off from this damn relationship. Okay, more than usual.... yeeee beeestards!
Eli26
Super Freak
She does want it. Or so she says so. Her actions do not follow up with her words. Action speak louder than words... yadda yadda yadda. btw Don't quote my post. I had to go in and fix so much ____ in it. Plus, I let in on some info I took back. I don't want to air out her brother and father's issues... I change them to "fill in the blank"...
Thanks.
I know things won't change, until she changes things with her mother, first. I just hate knowing that this could work under better circumstances. But to give up is to fail. I am relentless, and determined in what I want. Having said that, there is only so much I'll do, or how far I'll go. It has to work both ways. Relationships are like fights, it's a two person thing. You can't have either one without both parties in it.
Eli26
Super Freak
Not Asian. Doesn't really matter what the culture is, you pretty much take on the whole family when you marry the girl.
Oh, and sorry Ween. Just saw that you quoted my post after I starting making the appropriate corrections.
Btw you shouldn't try to separate or break her relationship from her mom/family. That should be her own problem that she have to fix herself.
The problem that you have with her is that, you need to set ground rules when you are with her. Maybe not answering the phone, talk bout her mom etc, so you guys don't end up arguing bull____s when you are spending time.
If she's old enough to maintain a relationship and feels the same way toward you, she should be wise enough to stand up for herself and figure out what's best for her, u and her relationship her family. If not, I'd say it's just bad timing for both of you, and that you should leave her alone to figure out what she wants for herself.
The problem that you have with her is that, you need to set ground rules when you are with her. Maybe not answering the phone, talk bout her mom etc, so you guys don't end up arguing bull____s when you are spending time.
If she's old enough to maintain a relationship and feels the same way toward you, she should be wise enough to stand up for herself and figure out what's best for her, u and her relationship her family. If not, I'd say it's just bad timing for both of you, and that you should leave her alone to figure out what she wants for herself.
thenammagazine
Super Freak
Sounds like my wife (and her mother even matches). All the nitpicky bull____ she would nag you with was likely mother-programmed. For me, it took getting her out on her own, isolating her a bit and showing her that she doesn't have to take care of her family, nor is she responsible for it, and that her mother was just jealous that she was losing control over her daughter. It also took standing up to my mother-in-law in probably one of the most uncomfortable situations ever (after her husband cost my magazine a few advertisers), and not backing down. Since then, the relationship with the in-laws has been strained, but I have my wife and she's free-thinking now. She reverts occasionally, and we spat about it, but she sees the light.
I disagree 100%. Eli's situation sounds like her mother was paranoid about losing control. It's not so much losing her baby as it is that control. The only way to fix that is to break them apart until the daughter realizes she's her own person and can make her own decisions without having, or feeling obligated to contact her mother. The BS calls during dinner prove this.
what the hell does this even mean?
they made the same joke on the 40 year old virgin movie, what does it mean? i dont get it
devilof76
Super Freak
Things on pedestals tend to be above you, and often out of reach.
I get that but I don't get what does it mean for a guy to put in on a pedestal? what does the guy do to do that?
i dont get it
devilof76
Super Freak
I don't know how else to put it.
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