Sorry Hicks. I hated bursting your bubble. I would have kept you wondering, but felt it was unfair. At least now you can get over your dissapointment in time to enjoy what it actually is. You'll see July 20th. (that's a clue by the way)
And thanks for posting those awesome shots Pjam. And yes, that means a lot to me to see that.
Ok, quick Ma note. Since I have shared so much already, I might as well let you that care know...
We put her in the hospital today, and also officially applied for her to go into a nursing home also. She is being tested (and rested) from possible conjestive heart failure symptoms, which creep up on her occasionally anyway. So it was a good thing.
Sad part is, if the nursing home takes her, she won't come home again.
I mean, she may for visits in the future, but this may be it for a long time. It hit me full on today when I got back alone, from taking her out there, and then taking the application out.
I got home, and saw her old cane by the front door, and just broke up.
It's been a LONG afternoon.
My Dad and I went out to eat, after seeing her again this evening, and we both had a couple of drinks and just sat and ate a nice meal, not in any kind of celebration, but to just have some kind of good shared experience so we could distance ourselves from the pain of this day some. A bit.
I am home again, and am sad, but ok. I know it will take time, and I am not even sure yet, if she will be admitted to the home. It is the best one around, a palace by nursing home standards, so if she gets in, she will be great for her. Thanks to all you who have said some stuff regarding homes, as that helped me to deal with it.
It's the seeing her stuff around that I haven't had time to think about. You that have done this before, or even actually lost parents already, know what I refer to I am sure. This is new for me, losing a parent, even in subtle form, and this seeing her all around the house stuff is hard. It was just normal yesterday, now she's gone.
If there is any good thing it's a small one, NO MORE INTERRUPTIONS WHEN I WORK, something that may sound selfish, but I don't mean it to be. I will even probably miss it...being interrupted while I paint, or some other thing, as it has almost become frustrated sport for her I think...bless her heart...
This is hard. But, I will get though it. I must.
Very mixed feelings. Not sure how to think. At least, THANK GOD, I have my paints, and lots of work, and in some ways, no more excuses. June will be a wild ride, but I have all faith that I will not only get through this change, but catch up and start new projects with a vigor I have missed for ages.
Thanks again to all of you that wait. Thanks to all of you with patience. And to those of you that are tired of waiting, well, bless you too! Your work means something to me also. No hard feelings or resentment from me, and hopefully, what you see from me soon, is only the beginning of works the likes of which, none of you has even imagined. I am about to open up a big can of painterly whoop-ass, and all of you will benefit in spades!
But in your spare time, if you can, wish Ma well. She needs it.
And to all of you in similar straights, I am thinking of, and relating to, all of you more than ever before. It's this hard stuff that brings us together, and makes us the crazy wild gang that I love.
For that, I cannot thank you all enough.
Enough of that. Thanks for letting me vent and share that.
Next post,
PAINTED STUFF! Believe it or not! I am almost ready to show you why you your waits are not in vain! (I hope! )
And USMCHICKS, I am already working on making your day....that is not an impossible figure you want.
Consider it started!