GI Joe: Rise of Cobra Discussion and Reviews [SPOILERS]

[thenammagazine]

I meant my 1:1 Accelerator suit that I wear to combat evil. It does nothing like that what was shown in the movie. (it was a failed joke)

And I agree with the points you made replying to what Khev said. I hate it when they take things with years of back story and history and just say "Nah, lets not use any of this". Which is why the Dragonball: Evolution movie and Chun Li: Legend whatever , were so bad.

Sadly another 180min of my life that I won't get back. With Dragonball, I expected it. Street Fighter was more of a surprise. I didn't expect Oscar material, and I despise the acting skills of the actress in Li's role, but the caliber of the other actors in that flick should've at least brought it up a notch from super bad to at least tolerable.

 

[bhags413]

This movie was bad ......well at least the acting was awful. The story was alright - the quick comments such as "nice shoes", "I'm gonna get you outta here" - just a few of the dumb lines in this movie that really made me cringe. If the movie was silent...it would have been better...or at least cut out the un-needed dialogue. If you take those out, the movie is tolerable at best. Just my opinion though.

 

[Khev]

thenam your post is what I'm talking about with regard to the hyperbole. The Cobra pulse cannons were lame because they defied physics yet the Apache pilots were unimpressive for being as real as what you'd see on the History Channel? Come on now.

And no those cool Viper guys didn't look like 1986 Vipers but they were pretty close to Night Creepers.

As to the inquiry about cartoon references; Cobra took out the Eiffel Tower with the MASS Device and drove those Mole Pods that infiltrated the Pit in Revenge of Cobra. There were even more nods to the comics. Breaker "scanning" that Viper's mind to locate the Cobra base was what Dr. Venom would do to Joes, the inclusion of the Hard Master, Destro and Baroness shacking up, Breaker's gum, etc. I'm not saying they were earth shattering moments in cinema, but there were a surprising amount homages.

And most of the vehicles crashing around were practical. The bullet train was CG but the hummer flying through the air was real. The apaches were CG when they were shot by the pulse cannons but the flaming chopper wreckage that dropped onto the convoy was real.

Some of this is like debating whether or not a Naboo Fighter looks cool or how badly ewoks diminished Return of the Jedi. Not much point. But this forum is almost becoming the "anti-Hisstank," extremism in the opposite direction against ROC. Its like a lot of you have never really scene a truly retched film. Or perhaps I've just seen too many.

Rise of Cobra isn't that bad. A "C+" or "6.5/10" movie. Try and watch Dungeons & Dragons or Battlefield Earth. Those are awful, putrid 0/10 F minus movies.

 

[thenammagazine]

thenam your post is what I'm talking about with regard to the hyperbole. The Cobra pulse cannons were lame because they defied physics yet the Apache pilots were unimpressive for being as real as what you'd see on the History Channel? Come on now.

And no those cool Viper guys didn't look like 1986 Vipers but they were pretty close to Night Creepers.

As to the inquiry about cartoon references; Cobra took out the Eiffel Tower with the MASS Device and drove those Mole Pods that infiltrated the Pit in Revenge of Cobra. There were even more nods to the comics. Breaker "scanning" that Viper's mind to locate the Cobra base was what Dr. Venom would do to Joes, the inclusion of the Hard Master, Destro and Baroness shacking up, Breaker's gum, etc. I'm not saying they were earth shattering moments in cinema, but there were a surprising amount homages.

Some of this is like debating whether or not a Naboo Fighter looks cool or how badly ewoks diminished Return of the Jedi. Not much point. But this forum is almost becoming the "anti-Hisstank," extremism in the opposite direction against ROC. Its like a lot of you have never really scene a truly retched film. Or perhaps I've just seen too many.

Rise of Cobra isn't that bad. A "C+" or "6.5/10" movie. Try and watch Dungeons & Dragons or Battlefield Earth. Those are awful, putrid 0/10 F minus movies.

I saw both of those. The prior is proof that Marlon should be blacklisted from Hollywood. As for the moments you mentioned, that was the MASS devise, which would've been a better story, not nanomites (from one of the lamer Marvel arcs) and I'm still very hard pressed to remember WHEN EXACTLY the Baroness and Destro shacked up during the movie. Did you watch some deleted scene or are you filling in the blanks with imagination? From what I saw, she's an American gold digger who married a baron named Cobretta (or something like that), and she's not allowed to touch him or Storm Shadow kills him (which happened) but she's allowed to fail her mission because of Duke or stick her tongue down his throat at every opportunity... or did you miss that part?

I disagree about it becoming the opposite of Hisstank.com. I hate to use this word, and those who know me know I do, but you sound more like an apologist vs. a realist. I enjoyed the Transformer movies to some extent, perhaps because I didn't really care for the cartoon/comics of the 80's, but I was all over G.I. Joe like a fat kid on cake. This is not G.I. Joe. This is U.N.: Anti-Terrorist Force stealing the names of characters from the Joe-verse. It's like the Mexican fleamarket version of G.I. Joe, per say. Seeing it as anything but, especially being a hardcore Joe fan, is blatantly refusing to accept reality.

 

[daikkenaurora]

Sadly another 180min of my life that I won't get back. With Dragonball, I expected it. Street Fighter was more of a surprise. I didn't expect Oscar material, and I despise the acting skills of the actress in Li's role, but the caliber of the other actors in that flick should've at least brought it up a notch from super bad to at least tolerable.

I knew the DB movie would be bad but not that bad and the Chun li movie was such a horrible surprise.

DB: Evolution, Chun li: legends and GI Joe: Rise of the turds were bad movies. Not just movies badly referenced movies, they were bad movies. CGI for was crappy, some elements broke the law of physics, mindless action, horrible script etc. And Cobra's weapons were like 100 years passed the Joes. Hell, Baroness' hand weapon (pulse) could take out the Joe's base. I give the movie a D- and thats because I laughed my ass off watching it.

 

[minivader]

man just watched the movie for the first time and it was horrible. I dont know if anyone here likes it or not but i thought they pretty much ruined most of the characters. even a sure fire design like snake eyes was bad (come on, a guy in all black with a shied/visor on the head, how can they get it so wrong?)

 

[bhags413]

I, for one, thought Marlon W. did the best job of acting in this movie......that should say something about how bad it is !

 

[thenammagazine]

I, for one, thought Marlon W. did the best job of acting in this movie......that should say something about how bad it is !

I thought the actor who had the best lines was Ray Park/Snake Eyes.

 

[Khev]

I saw both of those. The prior is proof that Marlon should be blacklisted from Hollywood. As for the moments you mentioned, that was the MASS devise, which would've been a better story, not nanomites (from one of the lamer Marvel arcs) and I'm still very hard pressed to remember WHEN EXACTLY the Baroness and Destro shacked up during the movie. Did you watch some deleted scene or are you filling in the blanks with imagination?

Maybe they weren't "shacking up" per se but they obviously had a romance on the side like in the comics.

I was all over G.I. Joe like a fat kid on cake. This is not G.I. Joe.

It isn't GI Joe A Real American Hero. Obviously. But that doesn't mean that every "hardcore Joe fan" has to go off the deep end and act like every single scene in the movie is offensive garbage. Nobody writes off the entire cartoon series because of Snake Eyes in drag or Cobra-La.

Seeing it as anything but, especially being a hardcore Joe fan, is blatantly refusing to accept reality.

No, the people who don't accept reality are the ones who make criticisms like "They ruined Storm Shadow because in the movie he's unrepentantly evil AND HE KILLED THE HARD MASTER," when the film indicates that neither is the case. Or "How stupid that its called Rise of Cobra when as soon as CC reveals himself he's put in jail," when one or two scenes after CC is locked up we learn that he's actually in control of the White House.

Sommers and Company got enough things wrong that I really don't care who does or doesn't like it (and I certainly won't ever go out and buy ROC merchandise to go with my ARAH stuff) but its a little silly to see the total disregard for the parts of the movie that weren't half bad.

 

[thenammagazine]

Maybe they weren't "shacking up" per se but they obviously had a romance on the side like in the comics.

They were lusty, but in both the comic and toon, they were lovers. In this, she loves Duke. For some reason, you don't seem to grasp that.

It isn't GI Joe A Real American Hero. Obviously. But that doesn't mean that every "hardcore Joe fan" has to go off the deep end and act like every single scene in the movie is offensive garbage. Nobody writes off the entire cartoon series because of Snake Eyes in drag or Cobra-La.

Even still, one scene does not a movie make. While the comic had bad story arcs and the toon had silly moments, overall both had redeeming qualities. There are none here.

No, the people who don't accept reality are the ones who make criticisms like "They ruined Storm Shadow because in the movie he's unrepentantly evil AND HE KILLED THE HARD MASTER," when the film indicates that neither is the case. Or "How stupid that its called Rise of Cobra when as soon as CC reveals himself he's put in jail," when one or two scenes after CC is locked up we learn that he's actually in control of the White House.

I never stated either of those, but okay. I recall saying they could actually salvage the Storm Shadow/Hard Master scene because technically it shows the sword in the Hard Master's back and Storm Shadow running off. As for the latter, check my posts. I've continually stated the movie's called RISE OF COBRA, meaning it's not Cobra... yet.

Sommers and Company got enough things wrong that I really don't care who does or doesn't like it (and I certainly won't ever go out and buy ROC merchandise to go with my ARAH stuff) but its a little silly to see the total disregard for the parts of the movie that weren't half bad.

IMHO, they didn't get enough right to even say parts weren't half bad. I dunno, that's just me. Snake Eyes was a good example. While I should've been enjoying sord/gun play, it was hard not to notice the rubber halves of his suit conjoined by elastic on the sides - not well hidden and quite pointless as Park has the physique to pull it off sans rubber Batman muscles, how ridiculously bulky and unstealthy/inefficient he looked in the suit, his silly running, the fact that he could barely turn his head, or that god awful mouth, etc. I was too distracted with how badly they'd ****ed up his overall character design to enjoy Park's action sequences.

 

[Khev]

They were lusty, but in both the comic and toon, they were lovers. In this, she loves Duke. For some reason, you don't seem to grasp that.

Well the "mind controlled" Baroness had a thing for Destro in the movie. The non-mind controlled Baroness loved Duke, yes, but you asked for me to give examples of the movie that weren't totally lame so I definitely wasn't going to mention that.

I never stated either of those, but okay.

I didn't say you did. But it has come up more than once in this thread. If it makes you feel any better I did find it comical that "The Doctor/Cobra Commander" found a million and one uses for nanomites in the movie including manipulating bone structure and facial features to perfectly duplicate people like the President yet it never occurred to him to use them to reconstruct his own disfigured face?

 

[thenammagazine]

Well the "mind controlled" Baroness had a thing for Destro in the movie. The non-mind controlled Baroness loved Duke, yes, but you asked for me to give examples of the movie that weren't totally lame so I definitely wasn't going to mention that.

Pleading the 5th I see.

I didn't say you did. But it has come up more than once in this thread.

Yeah. The movie is bad enough on it's own. There's no need to add more **** to the outhouse to make it stink.

 

[CelticPredator]

After watching it again ...I like some things, but dont like a lot.

Its kinda fun...but crappy. I dont know, its just really messy.

 

[Khev]

Steve Sommers mentioned a couple of interesting tidbits on the commentary track for the movie. I'm sure it'll make most of you happy to know that he said that the internet rumor about ROC getting the worst test audience reviews in Paramount history and him being subsequently fired for it really got him down.

He also said that before Storm Shadow "died" he actually did tell SE that he didn't kill the Hard Master in early screenings but it was so confusing to non-fans ("Wait, he didn't do it? Who did? So SE just killed a good guy? WTH?") who were watching that they edited it out. He said the sequel will have additional flashbacks showing more of what really happened to the HM and that of course SS will return.

 

[DeltaForceChung]

Steve Sommers mentioned a couple of interesting tidbits on the commentary track for the movie. I'm sure it'll make most of you happy to know that he said that the internet rumor about ROC getting the worst test audience reviews in Paramount history and him being subsequently fired for it really got him down.

He also said that before Storm Shadow "died" he actually did tell SE that he didn't kill the Hard Master in early screenings but it was so confusing to non-fans ("Wait, he didn't do it? Who did? So SE just killed a good guy? WTH?") who were watching that they edited it out. He said the sequel will have additional flashbacks showing more of what really happened to the HM and that of course SS will return.

--

WAIT A MINUTE . . .

They're actually going to film a sequel?

GI JOE: The Apology for The Rise of COBRA?

 

[daikkenaurora]

--

WAIT A MINUTE . . .

They're actually going to film a sequel?

GI JOE: The Apology for The Rise of COBRA?

LOL The Apology for the Rise of COBRA> HAHAHA

So will Baroness ACTUALLY have a love interest in Destro (please no more mind control) and will Snake Eyes not look like he just ate something and got bloated????? Will this movie also have scenes that break the laws of physics? Will a Nanomite Storm Shadow make an appearance?

And Khev, I'm impressed at your abilities to try and defend your rating of this movie being C+. Bravo. :emperor

 

[FLOSI]

Saw it Friday night, my good friend let me borrow it on Bluray, and this film did not disappoint!........ It was every bit as bad as I thought it would be. The Duke/Baroness storyline was just horrid. Sienna Miller was super hot though .... The young Snake Eyes/Stormshadow fight scenes caused audible laughs from my wife and I. In closing I fell asleep with about 15 minutes left...

 

[thenammagazine]

--

WAIT A MINUTE . . .

They're actually going to film a sequel?

GI JOE: The Apology for The Rise of COBRA?

Yup like that obstinate floaty the first time you take a dump at your girlfriend's place. Just when you think all is clear, the wrongs have been righted and the universe has reverted to some form of normalcy, IT'S BAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!

Saw it Friday night, my good friend let me borrow it on Bluray, and this film did not disappoint!........ It was every bit as bad as I thought it would be. The Duke/Baroness storyline was just horrid. Sienna Miller was super hot though .... The young Snake Eyes/Stormshadow fight scenes cause audible laughs from my wife and I. In closing I fell asleep with about 15 minutes left...

So for you, it was pretty much like married sex then.

 

[FLOSI]

So for you, it was pretty much like married sex then.

Apparently you're starting to know me pretty well. I'd say it's more like postpartum sex though.

 

[thenammagazine]

Apparently you're starting to know me pretty well. I'd say it's more like postpartum sex though.

I just remember something about you mentioning a vagina on Marion figures because you don't get sex, from the Indy thread.