The Cobra weaponry was cool
Not really. Realistically, the Joe team should've been obliterated with it.
A ton of references to the toon and comic book
Through god-awful, GOD AWFUL one-liners, like the "kung-fu grip" or "Real American Heroes," the latter completely irrelevant to the film considering the international foundation of the team. Further exemplified after that very scene when Hawk comes in and tells them that they've all been ordered back to their countries of origin.
Ray Park's gun and swordplay were fantastic
Don't remember. I was too distracted by the Power Ranger bull**** they did, ruining his look.
The guy who played Storm Shadow did a good job as well
Which is so accurate considering Storm Shadow was Korean, right?
Hollywood pulled a "they all look alike" card and you fell for it. Congrats! There were no qualified Japanese actors?!
The giant underwater pulse cannon was flat out awesome (great sound effects, the "recoil" looked cool, etc.)
Sure, if you completely remove any sense of reality/physics from the equation. I suppose ice sinks too, right?
The Night Raven and USS FLagg
Those two, I give you. But they don't redeem the movie.
Snake Eyes instantly hopping on a sled to detonate a Nano-missile seconds after it takes off
No. He could've just fired it from the sled IN the cave instead of wasting precious time driving out 100 yards to shoot at it.
The Apache pilots in the beginning actually flew Apaches in real life and it showed in their jargon (which they provided) and demeanor
And? What's so special about that? I can get that from watching the Military Channel.
Lots of cool practical effects (cars flipping, buildings exploding, etc.)
Not practical, CGI. And it LOOKED like CGI. BAD CGI, like those horrible Block Buster Exclusive movies ala Transmorphers, Dragons, etc.
Tatum's stuntman was a genuine badass who rushed the East Africa building as it exploded in an enormous real life fireball
Scores fail points for being Channing's stunt man. He should've PLAYED Duke!
Great intercutting between the underwater "space battle", SE/SS duel, and Night Raven
If you say so. Cutting between two horrible scenes to "intensify" the action doesn't change the fact that it's cutting turds in half.
The Vipers with the visors looked awesome and had cool voice effects
But they didn't look like Vipers.
All around cool set design (particularly the underwater base and lab where they "weaponize" the nano-warheads.)
For a SyFy movie, maybe. NOT for G.I. Joe.
Some actually impressive CGI from time to time
Need to get your eyes checked. I've seen better CGI in video games.
And it was never boring, great pacing from beginning to end
If you say so. I was too annoyed by what I was being force fed to pay attention to the slaughtered source material.
Some terrible casting in a couple of key roles and a few too many elements that just felt "rushed" will forever prevent ROC from being anything more than a serious mixed bag but there was still plenty to enjoy.
Add just about everything else, poor director, ****** of a producer, etc., etc....
If I were making the sequel and had to use ROC as "Chapter 1" I'd immediately make it clear that SS was wrong in assuming that SE had taken a "vow of silence". Open with a flashback of SE getting scarred and saving Scarlett, reveal the Baroness to have faked being under "mind control" in order infiltrate GI Joe and kill Duke which she does successfully so a real actor can step in and lead the Joes in battle.
Doesn't change things. You can't write your way out of that without pulling a Dallas. The Baroness still loves Duke, they made that ABUNDANTLY clear, and Snake Eyes was still named for the single mole on each cheek.
I'd have SE being all around more of a loose cannon than the subservient hero ROC made him out to be. I liked that in the comics he'd have a tendency to unload his Uzi into a valuable prisoner who looked at him crosseyed.
They pretty much ruined that aspect of the character. He was too "chummy" in the flick.
Recast Destro if Eccelston isn't under contract and replace Arnold Voslo with either Christian Bale or Billy Crudup as Zartan. For all we know Voslo could have been just another "disguise face" that he wore before becoming President.
Destro wasn't bad casting at all, just a poor script, a worse director and an incompetent producer who felt compelled to add in elements of Iron Man and RoboCop. As for Zartan, that was nothing short of a prison ass rape of the character. There's no way of digging out of that hole.
Move Joe HQ to Staten Island (due to the Pit being compromised in Eqypt) and we're good to go!
Not gonna happen. Remember, there's no such thing as "A Real American Hero" anymore in the Joe franchise.
What reference to the cartoon show (besides their names)?
Most of the Good Examples that you have stated are basically special effects. Special Effects dont make a movie good. Point is, the movie's story was weak and the action scenes were ridiculous. My accelerator suit doesnt do that many crazy things.
What do you expect for $49.95 from Adam & Eve? You're lucky it has "tugging" action!
