Indiana Jones & The Kingdom of The Crystal Skull Discussion Thread (Spoilers)

[abstractharmony]

Here's my 2 cents...

Spoiler free review?

DON'T FECKING BOTHER!

If you really want to see it then download (and anyone who knows me knows how I feel about downloading). Do not put money in George's pocket.


Spoiler heavy review/a warning below...


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Oh my word, I am crushed, too much Lucas, far, far too much Lucas.

I should have known what we were in for as the Paramount sign faded into a molehill. Yes, that's right, George has made a Mountain out of a molehill.

Forget the hype, forget that this is an Indy film apparently Speilberg, Ford and Lucas have.

As was my thought with the trailer there is too much CGI in this film, HUGE plot holes, very bad acting (Harrison Ford I'm looking at YOU), a storyline which the basis of was probably going to be great until it was ^^^^ed around with.

Seriously, I went into this movie with low expectations and feel like I had my balls kicked repeatedly for 2 hours.

My laundry list of problems with this movie are as follows :-

- Winstone was OBVIOUSLY bad - he was english, had a moustache and smoked - HELLO!!!!!!
- There was no 'movie serial' feel to this at all, the action (what they could call action anyway) was slow and staged.
- THE F@CKING FRIDGE
- The whole 'he is your son' reveal was ^^^^ and handled badly by director, writer and cast
- Jim Broadbent - Why?
- An urban greaser becomes Tarzan of the ^^^^ing apes? I think not.
- The accents were really, really lazily done both Alan Dale and Cate Blanchett veered between several accents.
- the Janitor from Scrubs, I was expecting JD to come in at any moment.
- Why the numerous 'cute' cgi animals?
- The entire jungle chase
- John Hurt
- The entire last act
- Red Menace/Unamerican/Invasion of the body snatchers angle not played up enough
- There are other, many other, things that pissed me off about the film but I'm just too pissed off to think of them cogently at the moment.

and finally...

THE FACKING ALIENS!!!!!!!!!!! (oops sorry - people from the 'Space between Spaces')

Come on George, I appreciate the Chariot of the Gods is a good read but this treatment of it was SO hackneyed.

Even at their worse moments the Prequel Trilogy were never as bad as this movie is because at least they retained the 'essence' of Star Wars - this movie just dilutes the other movies to a very, very sauce and then adds another pint of water for the hell of it.

The best part of the movie for me? The trailer for Hancock before it.

I, as a fan of the first three movies feel betrayed. So should you.

 

[photoshopmagician]

Which of the following works better on the big screen?

INT. SECRET GOVERNMENT WAREHOUSE - DAY

INDIANA JONES is held at gunpoint by several RUSSIAN GOONS.

AGENT SPALKO steps foward, reaches into a burlap bag and reveals a CRYSTAL SKULL.

AGENT SPALKO
Each of the skulls holds incredible power. Once they are returned to the temple, their combined strength will make us unstoppable.

INDY
I don't believe it.

AGENT SPAKO
It's true. The skulls are very powerful. I will have that power.

INDY
What power?

AGENT SPALKO
Powerful power!


---OR---

INT. SECRET GOVERNMENT WAREHOUSE - DAY

INDIANA JONES is held at gunpoint by several RUSSIAN GOONS.

AGENT SPALKO steps foward, reaches into a burlap bag and reveals a CRYSTAL SKULL.

AGENT SPALKO
Each of the skulls holds incredible power.

INDY
I don't believe it.

AGENT SPALKO touches the base of the skull. It GLOWS with supernatural power.

AGENT SPALKO
You will help us find the others.

INDY stares at the skull, unable to turn away -- its glowing eyes influencing his thoughts.

INDY
I'll -- I'll do it. I'll do whatever you ask.

MAC
Indy?!

INDY doesn't respond, his eyes still locked on the skull.

Yea, ummmm, im gona have to go with #2

 

[pjam]

Building up The 50s Sci Fi angle was Steven's idea from the beginning -- actually he wanted more of a 50s Sci fi feel to it.

But everything else you can blame on all three. It was an incoherent approach which became an incoherent mess.

Three recipes to bake one cake. There you have it.

 

[Dusty]

And the ark? The Nazis did in fact get it, and it killed them.

But if all the Nazi's had closed their eyes it would only have killed everyone else, wherever they carted it around, leaving the Nazi's rulers of the world... if only they knew to close their eyes! :emperor

 

[BadMoon]

Holy hell this movie is Teemu's wet dream!

UFO's- check
Monkey men in South America- check
Symbols in the ground carved by alien races- check
Area 51- check
FBI cover up- check

All kidding aside on one hand I enjoyed on the other I was like WTF? I thought it was good not great. I would like to know why the end seemed right out of Close Encounters. Haven't we seen that movie? That being said there were some great moments! I loved the snake part. Everything was pretty good while they were in the Jungle. I also liked some of Indy's backstory. I wouldn't rush right out to see it againg but I will add it my collection. This one came out of left field to me. Now I know why Irish wouldn't comment. He is probably in shock.

 

[RevRanger]

Well we all knew the ark had power. We saw it.

The nazis didn't know how to control it. It was dangerous. Why let them keep it and maybe figure out how to control its power?

I felt safer with the ark out of their hands and hidden away in a box.

Indy did his job in that movie.

 

[RevRanger]

Interesting fact --

The best line in the whole movie (as I remember it):

MARION
Were'nt there other women?

INDY
There was, but they all had the same problem.

MARION
What problem?

INDY
None of them were you.

---------

Best line of the movie, right? You know who wrote it? The writer of Raiders of the Lost Ark. They asked him for help in giving Indy a good "love line" with Marion, and that was his single contribution to the WHOLE MOVIE.

 

[BadMoon]

100% agreed...the movie stunk on many levels...so far fetched and stupid and not to mention the rediculous Alien crap!

Hahahahaha! I just found this post.

I thought this would have been your wet dream of a movie teemu?

 

[Dusty]

Interesting fact --

The best line in the whole movie (as I remember it):

MARION
Were'nt there other women?

INDY
There was, but they all had the same problem.

MARION
What problem?

INDY
None of them were you.

---------

Best line of the movie, right? You know who wrote it? The writer of Raiders of the Lost Ark. They asked him for help in giving Indy a good "love line" with Marion, and that was his single contribution to the WHOLE MOVIE.

I would even disagree with that. I actually whispered the line to my fiancé BEFORE Indy did, it was so freakin' obvious what he was gonna say. What happened to the snappy, out-of-nowhere clever lines? SIGH, I have to stop or I'll get in a bad mood.

 

[BadMoon]

I would even disagree with that. I actually whispered the line to my fiancé BEFORE Indy did, it was so freakin' obvious what he was gonna say. What happened to the snappy, out-of-nowhere clever lines? SIGH, I have to stop or I'll get in a bad mood.

Yeah I could hear it in my head before it even came out of his mouth.

 

[IrishJedi]

The most amazing this is how right Lucas was in predicting peoples' reactions to the movie.

 

[Shai]

Well, I wont go see that crap movie.Knew it would Blow.Iron Man still film of the summer !!!

 

[IrishJedi]

More than ever, I MUST get my hands on the Darabont script.

... then I will kick Lucas squarely in the balls.

 

[pjam]

The most amazing this is how right Lucas was in predicting peoples' reactions to the movie.

Hey Carl,
Did you see the big three (with Shia) on the Today Show Cannes Interview?

Lucas practically pleaded "Buy the DVD Set" (from the OT)

That sort of said it all.

 

[IrishJedi]

Hey Carl,
Did you see the big three (with Shia) on the Today Show Cannes Interview?

Lucas practically pleaded "Buy the DVD Set" (from the OT)

He was actually joking with Shia when he said that.

Look, this movie isn't great and I understand the deep disappointment some of you have. But I think there's a bit going off the deep end happening here. Far too much cynism. But I guess we have the prequels (and their hangover) to thank for that.

What I find very interesting: the two things most people dreaded about the movie (the alien element & the Mutt character) were pretty much the 2 things the movie got exactly right, imho. In fact, I'd go so far as to say Shia played a better Indy than Harrison did (but I blame the script for that as much as anything).

 

[Shai]

The DekadentDave Review

Hold onto your Hats!

This is not an Indiana Jones movie.

This is a farce of an Indiana Jones movie.

From the moment the Paramount logo dissolves into a mount of dirt and a gopher pops up it is clear that this film is a joke that makes fun of not just every Indy film but also every Lucas and Spielberg film from American Grafitti, 1941 and Close Encounters. They were having fun making fun of themselves at the audiences' expense.

Crystal Turd is like a Mad movie spoof of Indy 4 on the big screen. I'd like to know where the real Indy 4 is hidden. Probably in a magnetic crate somewhere inside of Hangar 51. What I saw last night wasn't it. I was waiting for Ashton Kutcher to step out from behind the screen and tell everybody they just got punk'd. It is so drivelously dull that it plays like a TV reunion movie where all of the aging cast members come back for one last big bruhaha to celebrate their lifetime achievement cumuppance.

When Indy makes his silhouetted entrance, Harrison is so creaky in his delivery of cringe inducing dialogue you'd think he was a relic in his own museum. When Marion makes her entrance, I could almost hear the applause track from the studio audience as if there was an electronic cue card flashing below the screen. John Hurt delivers an embarrassing performance looking like an acid-wasted John Lennon hippie stoned out of his mind and speaking in acerbic riddles pined from the pages of Dr. Seuss. Shia is like Fonzie-lite. Every time he pulled out his comb I was waiting for the "Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy." The Judas traitor Mac has no problem selling out his best friend and his country in the name of Capitalism but whenever he's in a bind has no qualms about turning to "Jooooooonneeessssyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!" for help and which Indy willingly obliges him. Cate Blanchett chews every scene she's in with her villainous Russian dialect but takes it so far over-the-top that you'd think she was an evil-doer from a Saturday morning cartoon.

To say that the characters were never in any kind of peril or jeopardy is an understatement. All of the action is so ridiculously contrived and over-the-top with slapstick comedy that makes Last Crusade and Temple of Doom look like Schindler's List. It's one cheap laugh gag after another and feels like 1941 all over again. In fact, it's worse than 1941. Dovenchenko is not just Pat Roach-lite but the fight scenes between him and Indy are so tediously long without any of the choreography that made the fight scenes so brilliant in the first two films. Spielberg relies so much on his own cliches and once brilliant movie-magic and storytelling that he takes it all for granted asking us to fall for the old Close Encounters/E.T. crap that I was waiting for Indy to pull out the Reese's Pieces from his bag. The Mom/Dad jokes wire tirelessly delivered and Karen Allen spends the last half of the film staring doe- eyed at Indy like a grade-school girl with a puppy-love crush on her hero Indy that I wanted to put a gun to my head.

The ending is so embrarrasing that I was expecting trumpeting Gungans and Boss Nass to burst into the wedding while ceremoniously rejoicing to the Ewok yub-yub song. I wish to God this film had never been made. I don't want to acknowledge it's existence and relegate it to the same toxic landfill as Batman and Robin, Highlander II, Matrix Reloaded and Revolutions and Phantom Menace.

Get ready for Son of Indy coming to a theater near you May 2011 because if adventure has a name, it must be Mutt Williams.

Awesome !!!!! Bring Back Deka Dave.. !!!!This board needs his wits and humour...and it definitely needs the awesome tales of his raped childhood memories !!!

 

[Gruson]

Interesting fact --

The best line in the whole movie (as I remember it):

MARION
Were'nt there other women?

INDY
There was, but they all had the same problem.

MARION
What problem?

INDY
None of them were you.

---------

Best line of the movie, right? You know who wrote it? The writer of Raiders of the Lost Ark. They asked him for help in giving Indy a good "love line" with Marion, and that was his single contribution to the WHOLE MOVIE.

I believe it...one of the few moments I liked.

 

[Dusty]

Ah, there you are... people have been wondering

The most amazing this is how right Lucas was in predicting peoples' reactions to the movie.

It's because he knows it sucks but we'll still go see it anyway!

 

[IrishJedi]

I don't believe Lucas thinks the movie "sucks" at all. I also don't think Spielberg or Ford do, either. But then, that's because they knew what movie they were making all along when people were obviously expecting something much different.

 

[pjam]

Ah, there you are... people have been wondering



It's because he knows it sucks but we'll still go see it anyway!

Which is also why he reminded folks to buy the OT DVD set. I doubt he was kidding, half joking maybe -- kind of like knowing after watching KOTCS folks will be washing away the "ick" factor by cueing up ROTLA.

Lucas has posted verbal disclaimers about this film on several occasions, he knows it's not up to par with the OT. He's seen the testing on this.