Question for married couples/serious relationships

[Eli26]

oh, yeah i missed that. seemed like you were telling me my statement would bite me in my ass. i got ya.

Wake up Chad! Fighting with people who agree with yeah! hehe

P.S. BuffyGirl I love you bud, it's just the thread and questions I don't like. That and the insecurities of your other half... generally speaking of course. You need trust. That's all. Eli is done with this thread. Bad Eli! *slaps his hand*

I have been weird for the last few days because I had to deal with some crap here... so yeah. Eli went a little nuts.

 

[BadMoon]

I just want to know who is biting who's ***** and can you come and then bite my ass please?

 

[The Ween]

I just want to know who is biting who's ***** and can you come and then bite my ass please?

 

[BadMoon]

 

[NASEDO]

If it comes down to trust, and I'm at a club and Megan Fox starts riding my leg, so long to my wife. Trust is one thing, but trusting the reason I'm going to a club to drink and dance is a lie, even if it wasn't Megan Fat you gotta ride a wave once in awhile. All guys are dogs, and every girl is getting hit on at a club, so it makes sense if a guy is pissed his wife is going.

 

[915stag51]

Who cares about relationship and trust....You know you are with the right woman if she let you have anal sex with her.

Words to live by right here gentlemen.

 

[Crimsonbob]

Damn ive let alot of the right women go then never mind lol.

 

[creecher]

I just want to know who is biting who's ***** and can you come and then bite my ass please?

We're not back to the salad tossing again are we?

 

[BadMoon]

We're not back to the salad tossing again are we?

Nope! What are you talking about? Really? I don't know? Did I say something?

 

[BuffyGirl]

admittedly, the post was too long for me to read every word, i guess im just not as invested in this subject since it doesnt pertain to me or my partner at all.

The way I see it, it has a lot more to do with insecurity than you give it credit for. Im not just talking about going out to clubs/bars, some people in this thread admitted that they wouldnt even allow their woman to go out with the girls , or vice versa. The way I see it, life is too short to be putting this kind of trivial limitations on each other. If your partner is going to cheat on you, she/he will do it regardless if you restrain them from going out to a club or bar.

Granted, going to a club frequently at our age (late twenties +) isn't the norm and is not MY style either....but maybe for some people that is their escape.

You are right that everyone has their personal tollerances, and I also have mine, but I find that limiting your partner to being at home, or ONLY going out if you are there to watch their every more is a bit riddiculous.

I would like to state in no way am I limiting my partner. The only thing I dont want my partner doing without me is going to clubs. But my partner can go for drinks, dinner, movies, whatever...without me. I dont have to be there for everything. Anyways, we both agreed on the no club subject, so, it's ok. We had to make the best decision for us.

 

[BadMoon]

I would like to state in no way am I limiting my partner. The only thing I dont want my partner doing without me is going to clubs. But my partner can go for drinks, dinner, movies, whatever...without me. I dont have to be there for everything. Anyways, we both agreed on the no club subject, so, it's ok. We had to make the best decision for us.

Sorry Buffy, but you are wrong. Take it from someone who was with someone for 10 years and felt the same way when she went out.

YOU ARE WRONG!

If you tell him not to go to clubs than yes! You are limiting him! Sugar coat it however you want. It is fear behind that limitation. Fear that you aren't ready to admit I guess.

If you feel that way then you do not trust him. Trust your instincts. They were given to you for a reason. I hate to tell you this, it sucks. But you either let him go out and trust he is not doing anything bad or let him go.

I am with someone new now and not once have cared when she goes out with friends. It is a great feeling to actually trust someone.

If you don't trust him to go out then he is not your true mate. Find someone else.

Sorry to be so honest but damn its true.

 

[BadMoon]

I would like to state in no way am I limiting my partner. The only thing I dont want my partner doing without me is going to clubs. But my partner can go for drinks, dinner, movies, whatever...without me. I dont have to be there for everything. Anyways, we both agreed on the no club subject, so, it's ok. We had to make the best decision for us.

I am only quoting you so you can read in bold what you actually posted.

Does your post in bold even make sense? Nope.

 

[creecher]

Nope! What are you talking about? Really? I don't know? Did I say something?

It is better to remain oblivious Bads. Trust me.

Sorry Buffy, but you are wrong. Take it from someone who was with someone for 10 years and felt the same way when she went out.

YOU ARE WRONG!

If you tell him not to go to clubs than yes! You are limiting him! Sugar coat it however you want. It is fear behind that limitation. Fear that you aren't ready to admit I guess.

If you feel that way then you do not trust him. Trust your instincts. They were given to you for a reason. I hate to tell you this, it sucks. But you either let him go out and trust he is not doing anything bad or let him go.

I am with someone new now and not once have cared when she goes out with friends. It is a great feeling to actually trust someone.

If you don't trust him to go out then he is not your true mate. Find someone else.

Sorry to be so honest but damn its true.

I think that about sums it up for this thread. No more need be said.

 

[King Darkness]

Over limiting parteners will lead to cheating just as quick or quicker.

 

[nash]

Sorry Buffy, but you are wrong. Take it from someone who was with someone for 10 years and felt the same way when she went out.

YOU ARE WRONG!

If you tell him not to go to clubs than yes! You are limiting him! Sugar coat it however you want. It is fear behind that limitation. Fear that you aren't ready to admit I guess.

If you feel that way then you do not trust him. Trust your instincts. They were given to you for a reason. I hate to tell you this, it sucks. But you either let him go out and trust he is not doing anything bad or let him go.

I am with someone new now and not once have cared when she goes out with friends. It is a great feeling to actually trust someone.

If you don't trust him to go out then he is not your true mate. Find someone else.

Sorry to be so honest but damn its true.

Great points bro, and I fully have to agree.

If you can't trust someone enough to let them go to a club with their friends and without you being there, the reason you are doing so is because you fear that he/she may stray and find someone else or fall for someone else, etc.

Now you have to ask yourself, WHY do you feel that way about it?

And clubs is not the only one place in the whole wide world where people cheat.

 

[automaton]

just a matter of time before your partner realizes he doesn't need another parent...

i live in Los Angeles... i wasn't joking in my earlier post that the city is ONE BIG CLUB... there is just as much action happening at the Dog Park or Gelsons as there is at any night spot. you have to trust and respect your partner, and settle only for the same in return if you want your relationship to survive here.

i promise... give your partner a reason to doubt, such as laying down irrational demands, and your parter will be able to justify almost anything within this city.

 

[Husker75]

I really don't see what is so horrible about asking your partner not to go out and party all the time without you at clubs. To me, that's not always a trust issue. it's just a courtesy. I'd find it rude and hurtful for a lot of reasons. Mostly, because i like to be included.

Thankfully, i hate most people who go to clubs. And i'm not exactly the type, nor is my lady, to go out to them in the first place. lol. So i guess i don't have to worry. I also know she respects me enough that she wouldn't do that in the first place, knowing it would make me uncomfortable.

Jealousy is natural, and can actually be healthy if controlled. Doesn't have to lead to limiting.. but both parties need to be considerate.

This one time (i know, i'm rambling..) like 2 christmas's back.. i got the blade runner 5 disc set in the briefcase. my girl had never seen it. So i was really looking forward to watching it with her. Any and all of the versions, ya know? So a month or so later, before we had the chance, she saw it without me. It was for a class she was taking. Did she do anything wrong? Of course not.. but i was still jealous. Of everyone else who she got to share that with, because i was really looking forward to sharing it with her myself. Obviously, that isn't exactly a relationship impacting scenario.. lol

but really.. i agree that placing limits is not healthy when done in excess, and can easily lead to cheating and more trust issues. But some jealousy is gonna happen, with either one. And some situation is always gonna make one or the other feel left out from time to time. Doesn't mean the relationship is doomed, or that it will fail.

Afterall.. monogamy is a pretty nutty idea.. but humans have made it work for at least a decent precentage. It's never gonna be perfect though.

Either way.. i get an uneasy feeling from this thread..
like things are not nearly as "okay" as they are being projected to be. *shrug* maybe it is just me..

 

[Skiman]

Ok I have a scenario that might play into this thread. Recently I have been invited to a b-day party for a friend of mine and to say the least I think me and this friend have really grown apart as individuals we are in two different points in our lives. I'm about to be married and have been out of the bar scene for quite a while, so has my S.O. I think we've just grown away from that scene and really just like going over to friends get together, BBQ's, live music, movies, etc...

Anyways my friend is about the same age I think maybe a years difference but is going back to school and hanging out with younger girls etc... and very much into the club scene. This is where we differ. BTW this is not the only friend that loves this scene just the others are not hanging around 22-24 year olds because they are not going back to school, just getting crunk at the clubs Although these friends are much older, old men clubbing to me just gets weird... No offense older guys

Do any of you guys experience this kind of fall out with your buddies, gals, etc...? It's just really hard to keep friends let alone the S.O. whenever all they do is go clubbing.

I think I'm just in a different point in my life with the entertaining ways.... Also we are thinking about getting a house, kids, etc... So building a family is our main priority, not clubbing.

 

[Shatterer of Dreams]

you know the thing that is getting overlooked here is that the club isn't even the place where statistically speaking the most cheating happens - that distinction belongs solely to the work-place.

So the real questions is if you fear cheating then are you going to tell your partner not to go to work anymore either?

 

[BadMoon]

you know the thing that is getting overlooked here is that the club isn't even the place where statistically speaking the most cheating happens - that distinction belongs solely to the work-place.

So the real questions is if you fear cheating then are you going to tell your partner not to go to work anymore either?

Ahh good point and oh so true!