Question for married couples/serious relationships

[Darkseed]

Ok I have a scenario that might play into this thread. Recently I have been invited to a b-day party for a friend of mine and to say the least I think me and this friend have really grown apart as individuals we are in two different points in our lives. I'm about to be married and have been out of the bar scene for quite a while, so has my S.O. I think we've just grown away from that scene and really just like going over to friends get together, BBQ's, live music, movies, etc...

Anyways my friend is about the same age I think maybe a years difference but is going back to school and hanging out with younger girls etc... and very much into the club scene. This is where we differ. BTW this is not the only friend that loves this scene just the others are not hanging around 22-24 year olds because they are not going back to school, just getting crunk at the clubs Although these friends are much older, old men clubbing to me just gets weird... No offense older guys

Do any of you guys experience this kind of fall out with your buddies, gals, etc... It's just really hard to keep friends let alone the S.O. whenever all they do is go clubbing.

I think I'm just in a different point in my life with the entertaining ways.... Also we are thinking about getting a house, kids, etc... So building a family is our main priority, not clubbing.

I am an "older guy" clubs are wrong for us on many levels . What your feeling is a natural progression of maturing.

In college we would hit clubs every night given the opportunity alone, with friends, together it didn't matter. We have long grown out of the club environment, including many of our friends from college. We graduated college, we had a plan for us that did not 'jive' with all our friends at the time. The relationships eventually moved on to today. We are at different points in our lives with kids, family friends etc. Neither of us wants to go out with a group unless the other is included. We got married because we are best friends and we want to spend as much quality time with each other as possible. Between work, kids, school, volunteer committments etc. we have plenty time apart that we feel given free time we would rather be together than apart.

 

[The Mike]

Over limiting parteners will lead to cheating just as quick or quicker.

 

[Eli26]

Over limiting parteners will lead to cheating just as quick or quicker.

 

[Voorhees27]

The way I see it a "Cheater" is someone that will cheat regardless of their environment wheras a "Non Cheater" won't regardless of the situation. It all depends on the individual ........... some may use cheating as a form of revenge to their other half.

If that is the case you also married/dated a weak terd.

 

[Skiman]

I am an "older guy" clubs are wrong for us on many levels . What your feeling is a natural progression of maturing.

In college we would hit clubs every night given the opportunity alone, with friends, together it didn't matter. We have long grown out of the club environment, including many of our friends from college. We graduated college, we had a plan for us that did not 'jive' with all our friends at the time. The relationships eventually moved on to today. We are at different points in our lives with kids, family friends etc. Neither of us wants to go out with a group unless the other is included. We got married because we are best friends and we want to spend as much quality time with each other as possible. Between work, kids, school, volunteer committments etc. we have plenty time apart that we feel given free time we would rather be together than apart.

College was exactly what you stated!

That's what I was thinking, I'm 32 and my older friends are around the 37-40 age but they still enjoy the clubbing scene and go every weekend. I just don't see how it's not getting old for them, they are machines They are a group of single guys though... My fiancee thinks that they'll never evolve and that they are a lost cause

That is just like us, we never want to go with a group without the other, if one of us can't make it because of other priorities, event, work, etc... then the other will not go as well and just sit at home or do something other than go ahead with their buds/gals to the bars. I think we are alike in the part where we are each others best friend as well.

 

[Skiman]

M, look whose in my sig, just so u know giving u crap about IM is all fun. Def not a IM hater

 

[Eli26]

The way I see it a "Cheater" is someone that will cheat regardless of their environment wheras a "Non Cheater" won't regardless of the situation. It all depends on the individual ........... some may use cheating as a form of revenge to their other half.

If that is the case you also married/dated a weak terd.

This is true. If you truly love someone you should never feel tempted. Or at the very least trust in yourself to know better. Now I won't lie, I have been tempted, but I always know what to do and what's best in my heart. If I love someone, truly love someone. I think about them and a future with only them.

I am a romantic, a crappy one, but a romantic nonetheless. I trust my partner.

And Nash said something that many of us neglected to post right away, a freaking crap cluster of brain farts happened there. But he made a good point. Temptation is everywhere. It's not just at a bar/club, it's EVERYWHERE! So if you don't trust your partner, then you're boned! Heck, I have started relationships with women at the gym, friend's house, party, you name it.

Better lock up your loved ones... shackle them up in a basement to secure any chances of them meeting someone and potentially falling in love! Paranoia can be a ^^^^^ and she has reared her ugly head at a few members here!

 

[Eli26]

M, look whose in my sig, just so u know giving u crap about IM is all fun. Def not a IM hater

Apparently Skiman puts all the things he hates in his signature. Don't listen to him Mike!

 

[Voorhees27]

Apparently Skiman puts all the things he hates in his signature. Don't listen to him Mike!

Yeah! Forget that Skiman character, if he were in front of me right now....... i'd wait until he turned around and smack him silly ........... then run away screaming like I was in a horror movie

 

[Skiman]

Yeah! Forget that Skiman character, if he were in front of me right now....... i'd wait until he turned around and smack him silly ........... then run away screaming like I was in a horror movie

 

[Voorhees27]

 

[The Mike]

Tony Stark doesn't understand where this thread is going....see:

 

[creecher]

 

[Skiman]

Caught a pic of The Mike before he went to work today.

 

[Anton Phibes]

Well, here is how my wife and I play it. We have been married 17 years and been together nearly 20. We have two kids, and we are both still as crazy about each other as we were 20 years ago. The secret to our success: We just don't do stuff to get on each other's nerves. It took us a while to fully understand each others quirks and personalities, as well as character flaws. It's work.

But, if one of us wants to do something the other is adverse to...we compromise. Weddings, funerals, appointments, games, dinners, movies, church events, trade shows, etc.al.... because the main thing is each other. I don't lord over her, and she doesn't walk over me. Communication is key.

For instance, the other day my wife told me she was going to visit a friend in the hospital after work who had just had a mild heart attack. I wasn't even going to be home that evening, as I was going to the movies with my kids to see a film she had no interest in seeing (Terminator). Her absence wasn't going to disrupt my evening in the least, but as a courtesy (not because she has to "report") she called to let me know her plans. So I wouldn't worry.

I think the reason why so many relationships die is a lack of trust, a lack of communication, a lack of commitment to the goal of success in the relationship, and a general rebellion we all have against "being told what to do" that most of us view the significant other as doing if they request a little info. on what the plans for the day are.

That's my 2 cents.


There are, however, overbearing, controlling, and even abusive people out there. So be careful, because it really takes a loooong time to really know someone.

 

[Morbach]

damn this thread is still going?

 

[Devil_666]

Hmmm.. the people in this thread must be going to some really laid back and mellow clubs. I've personally seen:

1. A girl get KTFO because she was ignoring some drunk guy hitting on her.

2. Multiple girls getting drinks poured on them because of the action described above.

3. A guy spitting in one girls face because of the action described above. FYI: Drunk guys don't like to be ignored.

4. A girl so drunk she could barely stand up getting damn near molested THROUGH a gate seperating the sidewalk from the outside area of the club!!!! Her friends leaned her up against the gate from the outside because they were leaving.. and next thing you know this dude is going hog wild right through the bars of the gate.

5. Girls so drunk they could easily be taken advantage of. And that has nothing to do with trust or how faithful they are, because trust and being faithful is meanlingless when you're passed out drunk. And most women (that I've encountered) can't handle alcohol + love mixed drinks that creep up on you because you can't really taste the alcohol.

6. Fights/Catfights. Because alcohol does that.

7. 2 guys fighting. 1 girlfriend trying to break up that fight. 1 girlfriend getting slapped like she had redhair, was a stepchild and stole something.

So for me, it isn't a question of trust. I can't force my wife to wanna be with me. She either does or she doesn't. It's her choice. For me it's more a question of: Would I want my wife to be an example like I listed above? And the answer is obviously NO.

 

[Mikey2Bullets]

once upon a time at ft bragg, a buddy of mine's new cherry joes went clubbing in fayetteville. i use clubbing loosely (if you've been there you know what i mean......strip club, gun shop, strip club, blood bank, gun shop, sperm bank, and repeat). he met a chick and got her to get a cheap room with him. well, she in the midst of "helping" him out, turned out to be a HE. HE then raped said young trooper and robbed him. young joe came crying back to the barracks (one hell of a first night on post) and reported the situation. the BC ORDERED the young joe to be put out on a "don't ask don't tell" rule because HE "received" action from a man.

the moral of this story, check the undercarriage before you buy the car.
personally, i hate clubs, i prefer sticky floored booths for my nights out.

 

[The Mike]

Caught a pic of The Mike before he went to work today.

That's it. I'm taking my lunchbox and going home.

 

[Mikey2Bullets]

I think part of the issue is the age thing and degree of context.

Something to consider is people in this thread are probably across a range of ages and also relationship types.

What people tend to see as a "threat" or cause "concern" is when someone's behavior takes a radical shift from whatever was established as the norm. For a married mid 40s person with kids to suddenly start hitting the clubs and bars on weeknights is going to look a heck of a lot different to a partner than if they were both 23 and not married and didn't have kids and don't live together and don't mix finances.

I can only speak as a guy and from my own observations. When an older woman suddenly starts hitting the gym all the time, suddenly starts worrying about her appearance and is going out all the time with the "girls", and this shifts dramatically from her general behavior in the past, usually it's bad news. Also older couples tend to probably have been together longer, so radical shifts in behavior are even more glaring.

I think two people who meet at 20 and spend the next 20 years hitting the club and bar scene is one thing, and two people who meet at 20 and party a little , then get married and punch out a few kids and are relatively sedate then suddenly one of them starts bar hopping and buying new wardrobes at 38 is a way way different kind of thing.

As for the work issue, well people don't deviate too much there. They go. It might be a different place and a different role that changes, but I don't think the general shifts are so sharp that people tend to notice issues in their partners quickly. Usually something I've noticed is when a woman talks about some man she is working with constantly ( usually feigned in anger or frustration) then there is something unpleasant usually around the corner.

If you look hard enough, people will show you all you ever really need to know about them.

Gekko

amen!

...or she shoots you in the back seven times with your own gun while you shave because you have a little hobby of picking up young men at Long Island rest stops, dressing them in "hot cop" outfits, and a habit of mistaking her head for a speed bag.

true story. my dad worked with this guy. he was one of my character references for the NYPD