Star Wars: Episode IX - THE RISE OF SKYWALKER

[jye4ever]

Jye's drunk again.

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[ajp4mgs]

Just fell into place like the puzzle piece map lining up with the "wreckage" of the Death Star. Still can't believe JJ had the nerve to rip off The Goonies in a Star Wars movie. You seriously can't even make this **** up.......well, I guess you can.

At least the goonies had to count their paces to get to their perfect spot because a map told them to. Rey just happens to be there . . . by convenience. Rey conveniently happens to be standing in the *one and only spot* on the Endor moon that allows her to perfectly line up the the dagger.

The whole damned movie is a string of conveniences. I know that SW movies all rely on that to some extent, but TROS is nothing *but* plot conveniences. Just think about the dagger and what the story about it ended up being. Count the conveniences:

Rey found that Sith dagger that murdered her parents when she wasn't even looking for it. And it conveniently happens to be a key to finding what she *was* looking for.

It was found because Rey and her friends conveniently crashed onto the same exact sandpit that had trapped Ochi the Sith hunter (what are the odds!?).

The dagger blade is conveniently still perfectly lined up with the outline of the DS2 wreckage (even though that wreckage would've likely changed by way of weather and oceanic elements during the 15 years since the dagger was used on Rey's parents).

She is conveniently capable of expertly navigating a sea-skimmer ship to get to the wreckage. Rey, the *desert* scavenger, was able to sail a sea-faring vessel through brutal ocean waves.

Upon arriving at the DS2 wreckage, there's a door that conveniently is still functioning after all these years. This door, btw, leads to a room that probably wouldn't even exist since the door was on the same wall as one of the windows. Just another convenience.

The wayfinder she went there to get is destroyed in the throne room wreckage by Kylo. But she takes his TIE Fighter which conveniently has the only other wayfinder in the entire galaxy.

But she burns the TIE Fighter on Ahch-To. No problem, though, since the wayfinder conveniently doesn't burn.

The wayfinder conveniently hooks up to an X-Wing that is also conveniently presented to her and ready to fly.

She uses the wayfinder to get to Palpatine and kill him. She's able to kill him (somehow) by conveniently having two Jedi lightsabers with her (which she needs to cross together . . . because that's how it works, duh!).

And that second lightsaber was only given to her moments before, on Ahch-To, because Luke had conveniently kept it in the most "unfindable place in the galaxy" . . . even though he said that Leia had wanted it to end up in someone else's hands. Convenient!

 

[ajp4mgs]

I don?t know dude if it was just like any force connection like all others like you say then why didn?t the other times lead them to glorious victory.

Good question. In fact, if dead Jedi could empower someone with all of their energy, doesn't it make you wonder why they'd only choose now? And why they'd choose someone who had just lost control of her emotions and fried a ship that she thought her friend Chewie was on?

 

[DiFabio]

compete with the likes of Han, Luke and Leia.

Yeah, seeing them all separated was so great. Also loved how creepy they all looked with that uncanny valley visage. It was so cool seeing Ford back on the big screen with his CGI botox face and hobbit wig. Or after effects neon glow Luke standing there with his hair blowing like he's in a L'Oreal commercial.

Then hell, Carrie Fisher was amazing. She almost looked as real as she did in Rogue One. I almost forgot she was dead!

 

[jye4ever]

Yeah, seeing them all separated was so great. Also loved how creepy they all looked with that uncanny valley visage. It was so cool seeing Ford back on the big screen with his CGI botox face and hobbit wig. Or after effects neon glow Luke standing there with his hair blowing like he's in a L'Oreal commercial.

Then hell, Carrie Fisher was amazing. She almost looked as real as she did in Rogue One. I almost forgot she wasn't dead!

At least Han, Luke and Leia took responsibility and blamed themselves for their own failures post awesome ROTJ victory.

Arthur that little whiny b**** blamed it on everyone else:

1%
Rich baby daddy
His mom
Medicaid cuts
Teens
Johnny Carson
Garbage men

And at least Han Luke and Leia weren?t hallucinating lol





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[DiFabio]

And at least Han Luke and Leia weren?t hallucinating lol

Yeah of course not, they're all dead. Instead they come back as hallucinations to characters that nobody care about.

For shame Jye, for shame.

Wish I could go back to 2015 and talk to the Jye that posted that heartfelt and scathing rant about how much he hated TFA before he edited/deleted it. Wonder what he'd REALLY think of this garbage that followed.

 

[Khev]

Wow ajp doubling down on your hatred of adopted people, I'm shocked.

I kid, I kid...

It sucks that you're reading my view that way. My take on it isn't a rebuke on adoption, or choosing your family, at all. My disdain for this Rey story in TROS (among *many* problems with the overall storytelling itself) is that the Skywalkers get turned into background characters. You don't see it that way, but I do; hence some of the disconnect between us on this. Even if you view it as the Skywalkers helping Rey through her journey, ultimately she's powered by way of being a Palpatine. Her instinctual Force lightning is all the proof you need that she is powerful by way of *her own* lineage. And she is presented as the one who does what the Skywalkers couldn't do. I'm fine with the Skywalkers taking her in as one of their own, but that doesn't mean that they need to have all of their earlier achievements invalidated.

Anakin couldn't heal his mom or resurrect Padme; Rey can do it! Luke couldn't pull his lightsaber to overcome Palpatine's Force lightning; Rey figured it out! Anakin couldn't kill Palpatine and end the Sith; Rey does!

If you're going to have ghost Luke be able to hold a lightsaber, how in the hell do you not have Luke holding his green saber, and Anakin getting back his blue one, at the end to help Rey? It wouldn't be insulting to the character of Rey not being able to take on SuperPalpatine by herself. If you want her to be part of the family, have her be *part* of the family triumph; not *ALL* of it.

Powering up Palpatine way more than he had been in the previous two trilogies just makes it all the more absurd that Rey would be expected to defeat him when the other Jedi had always failed against a less-powerful version. Why not have the Skywalkers get her back, support her literally, and end this by finishing it once and for all . . . together as family? And, no, not merely via disembodied voices.

If you're going to undo Anakin ending Palpatine and the Sith (which was a bad idea, imo), bring him and his family back to actually DO SOMETHING about righting that wrong. Rey could still be an adopted Skywalker, and be embraced by her new family, by having them come to get her back. She didn't have to be a Palpatine; she didn't have to be anyone. Having her reject the parents who died to preserve her doesn't even make sense.

This story could've been finished without undoing the PT and ROTJ. I understand that you don't think it did that, but I hope you can concede that there were alternative ways to conclude this without healing powers, resurrection powers, an undead Palpatine, a Sith that never ended, and Skywalker arcs being compromised. In retrospect this trilogy never should've happened, but if you're going to finish it out, at least do so in a more coherent way. And do so without tons of plot logic problems that make the screenplay and editing seem conducted by children. This saga deserved better, imo.

I appreciate the discussion, Khev. Nothing personal, just disagreeing about a movie.

Yeah we definitely disagree on what the movie conveyed. Rey was a conductor through which all the other Jedi destroyed Palpatine. No one was invalidated.

I appreciate the discussion, Khev. Nothing personal, just disagreeing about a movie.

Absolutely!

 

[TurdFurgusonsHat]

I forgot about that. There is no logical explanation for what happens there.

And on the Goonies thing. We needed chunk's belly jiggle in TROS to distract us.

Well Finn once walked around in a leaky bacta suit, would doing the truffle shuffle have really killed him?

 

[Prime Clone]

Prime Joker-Batman or Joker-Batman origins can never and will never compete with the likes of Han, Luke and Leia.

ST always gets a pass because Han Luke Leia

 

[Khev]

As a mental exercise I've been trying to sketch out what I would have found as an acceptable Sequel Trilogy outline.

You know what? It's *really freaking hard*.

I know right.

Episode 7 is relatively easy. I ran into problems *immediately* with episode 8 and stalled.

You have these massive legacy characters you need to simultaneously respect and get out of the way, while trying to make new ones interesting in a plot that shows sufficient gravitas yet isn't a re-hash. Please fans without going too deep for casuals.

I'll share for fun once I'm done. But Disney and friends were so screwed from the start. This trilogy was almost un-writable.

Looking forward to it.

 

[jye4ever]

Yeah of course not, they're all dead. Instead they come back as hallucinations to characters that nobody care about.

For shame Jye, for shame.

Wish I could go back to 2015 and talk to that Jye that posted that heartfelt and scathing rant about how much he hated TFA. Wonder what he'd REALLY think of this garbage.

I didn?t give TROS a really favorable review lol

Not enough fan service, weak space battle, many pointless scenes of Babu lol, horrible new droid and Zorii Boring but epically gorgeous lightsaber fight, great Leia send off being attached to Han and Kylo and of course Ian McDonalds and my like of Rey.

But Khev sure makes me like it more each passing day.


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[DiFabio]

Zorii Boring

****ies

 

[jye4ever]

****ies

I think she?s just ok should?ve been Amy Adams.


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[DiFabio]

And yet you like Rey who has the body of a teenage boy and is old enough to be your daughter.

Jye snap out of it.

 

[Khev]

Yeah the Goonies knife was weird I'll give you guys that, lol.

Why not just have her close her eyes, meditate and then the dagger lifts up and points to where she needs to go. She's got the freaking Force why over-complicate it, lol.

 

[TurdFurgusonsHat]

At least the goonies had to count their paces to get to their perfect spot because a map told them to. Rey just happens to be there . . . by convenience. Rey conveniently happens to be standing in the *one and only spot* on the Endor moon that allows her to perfectly line up the the dagger.

The whole damned movie is a string of conveniences. I know that SW movies all rely on that to some extent, but TROS is nothing *but* plot conveniences. Just think about the dagger and what the story about it ended up being. Count the conveniences:

Rey found that Sith dagger that murdered her parents when she wasn't even looking for it. And it conveniently happens to be a key to finding what she *was* looking for.

It was found because Rey and her friends conveniently crashed onto the same exact sandpit that had trapped Ochi the Sith hunter (what are the odds!?).

The dagger blade is conveniently still perfectly lined up with the outline of the DS2 wreckage (even though that wreckage would've likely changed by way of weather and oceanic elements during the 15 years since the dagger was used on Rey's parents).

She is conveniently capable of expertly navigating a sea-skimmer ship to get to the wreckage. Rey, the *desert* scavenger, was able to sail a sea-faring vessel through brutal ocean waves.

Upon arriving at the DS2 wreckage, there's a door that conveniently is still functioning after all these years. This door, btw, leads to a room that probably wouldn't even exist since the door was on the same wall as one of the windows. Just another convenience.

The wayfinder she went there to get is destroyed in the throne room wreckage by Kylo. But she takes his TIE Fighter which conveniently has the only other wayfinder in the entire galaxy.

But she burns the TIE Fighter on Ahch-To. No problem, though, since the wayfinder conveniently doesn't burn.

The wayfinder conveniently hooks up to an X-Wing that is also conveniently presented to her and ready to fly.

She uses the wayfinder to get to Palpatine and kill him. She's able to kill him (somehow) by conveniently having two Jedi lightsabers with her (which she needs to cross together . . . because that's how it works, duh!).

And that second lightsaber was only given to her moments before, on Ahch-To, because Luke had conveniently kept it in the most "unfindable place in the galaxy" . . . even though he said that Leia had wanted it to end up in someone else's hands. Convenient!

All true, and the list is much longer than this. Rey has always been the character who can do no wrong, always in the right place, master of all powers, no challenge too is difficult. Kathleen Kennedy's chosen one, f@#! George he can get his own coffee.

 

[Prime Clone]

"Daughter of Kenobi" was my least favourite Rey theory... until the one we actually got.

I can just see the brainstorming session:

"Rey's parents were nobodies... but what about her *grandparents*?!"

(High-fives all round)

"Now, which major characters are old enough to be her grandparent...?"

 

[Khev]

I can just see the brainstorming session:

"Rey's parents were nobodies... but what about her *grandparents*?!"

(High-fives all round)

 

[The Clown Prince of Crime]

Yeah the Goonies knife was weird I'll give you guys that, lol.

Why not just have her close her eyes, meditate and then the dagger lifts up and points to where she needs to go. She's got the freaking Force why over-complicate it, lol.

There's no need for daggers or artifacts. This ain't Indiana Jones.

 

[jye4ever]

And yet you like Rey who has the body of a teenage male and is old enough to be your son.

Jye snap out of it.

Wut I think DR is super sexy I would love for her to be my brother lol

Speaking of which..

DiFabio:

You were the chosen one! It was said that you would destroy the ST, not join Khev. Bring balance to the forum, not leave it in box office discussion.

You were my brother jyenakin, I loved you!

jyenakin:

Ewww you gay bro or what. NOOOO!