The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

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Is there something wrong with being a fanboy now? Has it become a completely derogatory term? :dunno

I've always been proud of, and associated with, being a fanboy. Also I don't mind being referred to as a nerd, a geek, and particularly a freak. Well, maybe not always. But I've matured to a point where these monikers have special meaning to me and I've grown to embrace them.

I'm a fanboy! :D
 
What's the opposite of a fanboy called? I see lots of people on this board that dislike something, yet they constantly post about how much they dislike it.
 
But you know what the human characters need? A LOVE TRIANGLE. Brody, Mrs. Brody and Hooper. "Why does live hurt so much?!?", "That's not love Mrs. Brody, that shark just bit off your arm."

Have you read Jaws. Because, well, it's a great book, and there is quite a love triangle. :lecture
 
I'll throw things at you, Khev. :wave

stitch-book-throwing.gif


Hey! :cuss
 
Have you read Jaws. Because, well, it's a great book, and there is quite a love triangle. :lecture

Ugh. Don't get me started. Love triangles suck. Han/Luke/Leia, Aragorn/Arwen/Eowen, etc. Any movie that has one is lame. I hope a movie like The Two Towers is NEVER made again. You know, one that has a mix of practical and digital effects, digital characters AND prosthetic make-up, an opening scene that kind of "rewrites" how the events of a previous film played out. I NEVER want to see that again. The Two Towers = AOTC. The Phantom Menace was so much better than The Two Towers in every way. I hope we get lots and lots of movies like TPM.
 
Ugh. Don't get me started. Love triangles suck. Han/Luke/Leia, Aragorn/Arwen/Eowen, etc. Any movie that has one is lame. I hope a movie like The Two Towers is NEVER made again. You know, one that has a mix of practical and digital effects, digital characters AND prosthetic make-up, an opening scene that kind of "rewrites" how the events of a previous film played out. I NEVER want to see that again. The Two Towers = AOTC. The Phantom Menace was so much better than The Two Towers in every way. I hope we get lots and lots of movies like TPM.

 
TPM ain't better than The Empire Strikes Back and The Two Towers. They shouldn't even be on the same sentence as it.

But wooden Anakin and dopey Padme > Tauriel (love hurts!) and Kili (would sleep with a male elf if given the chance)

Atleast their love gave us Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia
 
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I see a few people (not on here) are defending the Hobbit movies by saying, "well, it not LOTR and the subject matter is not as heavy, it's based on a children's book!".

That seems like a load of bull. If the films are based on a children's fairy tale, what was up with the long, dour battle? There were close up shots of butchered elf and Laketown people! Thorin was going to throw Bilbo over the ledge to break his neck just because of the truce. I could feel they were trying to make the Battle of the Five armies be as epic and grandiose as LOTR. If it's a children's fairy tale, why does it end with a young, neurotic Bilbo, fiddling around in his pocket for the ring with forbidding "evil ring" music? Shouldn't it have left off on a more uplifting note? The movies aren't about Sauron or the ring after all. If it's "not LOTR", why do we have Gandalf, Galadriel, Elrond and Saruman going into Sauron's spooky house of thrills and fighting Ringwraiths? Why Legolas or the Strider references that needlessly ponder to fans? Why Fellowship cue music when the Fellowship doesn't even exist? This isn't LOTR right? If this is a lighter fare, why the need for a copy-cat trilogy when the subject matter is more straight forward (Hobbit reluctantly leaves hole, gets dwarves out of trouble with his cunning, meets exotic characters and returns home an unlikely hero).

All those slow motion shots from the seizure inducing Sauron flame effect, to Galadriel going psycho, to Thorin getting trippy for three minutes in the gold pool and even the ice battle where Thorin just watches Azog float beneath him seemed like unnecessary bloat. We get these things but no wrap up on the Erebor, Thorin's funeral and what became of Laketown? Par that with side stories that don't even belong (Alfrid, Tauriel/Kili love, orc father/son) and it seems like unnecessary dramatic fluff that has no business being in a "lighter", "non-LOTR" adventure. They're all false stakes. Why should I care about Gandalf being trapped in a cage when I know he's going to make it out okay? Why should I care about Legolas fighting an Orc-Son when I know that A. Legolas is going to kill him in some "spectacular" fashion and, B. Orcs don't care about each other or show compassion, so what are the ramifications to Orc-Dad on the ice who will die shortly as well? If those things aren't needless filler, then why are they there to over complicate a relatively simple story? This is Bilbo's tale, a tale he tells with enthusiasm and passion, yet, after an exhausting battle it ends with a damaged goods Bilbo. I half expected him to check out after looking around at his picked through house (before it cuts to "LOTR"). Also, why would you have Tauriel/Fili/Legolas/Thranduil "love hurts so much!" scene have as much, or more importance over Bilbo and the death of Thorin? Huh? Those two are the main characters! Guess they needed that punchy Aragorn reference to promote next year's "Fellowship of the Ring" film . . . oh, wait.

The movies I dislike the most are the ones that always make me question and ask, "why?". After days of letting these Hobbit movies fester in my brain, that's all I can think of is "why". Why introduce battle worms if they're not going to be in the battle? Because of a sentence in the book? Why then focus on things that weren't in the book? If it's not LOTR, why treat it like it kinda-sorta is? Why does Thorin have a literal "dragon sickness" that he snaps out of by himself when simply being greedy would have been more compelling? I don't really think you need three movies filled with epic CGI, ADD battles, multiple contrived subplots and other distractions to tell the simple story of a Hobbit that was swept up in an adventure that made him appreciate his home and life more.


:clap :clap :clap

Oh yeah, definitely.

- "Good morning"
- Dwarves arriving at Bag End
- Lonely Mountain song as Bilbo contemplates going with them
- Bilbo getting the company out of trouble with his cunning, particularly the trolls

- Gollum
- Riddles in the Dark (perfect)
- Sparing Gollum's life
- lumberjack Beorn getting pissed at these rude dwarves

- Mirkwood forest, hallucinating, spiders
- Bilbo and Smaug (perfect)
- Smaug getting killed in Laketown
- Thorin and Bilbo talking about the nut, how Bilbo is the only one that Thorin can trust
- Bilbo handing over the arkenstone to Gandalf, Thranduil and Bard saying he's giving it to them out of self interest
- death of Thorin, last exchange between him and Bilbo

All enjoyable, well done moments in a sea of BS and crap. I could watch those scenes by themselves. In retrospect, I can see why these movies were in development hell for years. I think there was a clash in vision and direction as these things were being made, not just between Del Torro, Jackson, the other writers and producers, but the studios as well. Anyone remember when it was one movie? Then two movies with the second being a "bridge" story between Hobbit and LOTR that would have features Aragorn and more Gollum? I think these always suffered from bloat and too many cooks. Instead of being as strict as possible with their story and overreaching themes like in LOTR (remember when they had the reserve to cut out Arwen from Helms Deep? Or Elrond and Arwen visiting Galadriel or the huge Sauron vs. Aragorn video game battle), it seems like they said "the hell with it" and did whatever.

EDIT:

Also liked that little character moment where Gandalf and Bilbo are chilling after the fight and Gandalf is trying to light his pipe and starts smoking. Not a word between the two, but you could tell what they were thinking.

:exactly:
 
TPM ain't better than The Empire Strikes Back and The Two Towers.

Yes. IT IS. Wooden Anakin and dopey Padme > "I love you/I know" and Arwen moping around Aragorn's tomb. TPM > everything. I know that gives my opinion instant irrefutable credibility now that I've said that TPM is like totally better but what can I say, I call 'em like I see 'em.
 
Khev, you're breaking my heart. You're going down a path I can't follow.
 
Khev, you're breaking my heart. You're going down a path I can't follow.

What do you expect. If Peter Jackson made a five hour movie that had nothing but Dain riding around on his pig and Kili and Tauriel making googoo eyes at each other in front of Thror's gold statue it would still be better than the entirety of the SW PT.
 
Duel of the Fates Generator Duel > Battle of the 12 Armies


And I'm as cynical towards the Stah Wahs prequels as they come.
 
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