Unconditional love, is it real?

[Bannister]

Your mind is incredibly closed off. You are hostile. No matter how many smiley faces you put after your text, your true intentions show through. If you dislike my threads and my comments there is a block feature that you can use. Also, you don't have to come into these threads and add comments if you feel as you do. It's a choice you can make for yourself.

I don't harbor any resentment towards you but please just chill out man. I am just trying to have a meaningful discussion.

I am just trying to ^^^^ with your meaningful discussion.

 

[Bannister]

Your mind is incredibly closed off.

That is pretty off base, but you are the one with all the answers.

 

[El Roranous]

Then I would say the perceiver has an entire set of different issues that don't involve love. Truth for one whether excepted by one or all is still truth to someone and therefore exists.

I don't want to argue but I think we are very different. I just wanted to say that Truth to me is an absolute to the holder of that truth. I really don't think in the context of emotions or something as intangible as love that truth can be an absolute because it comes without a possibility of measure.

 

[wofford29]

fair enough.

 

[El Roranous]

fair enough.

Cool man. Was just typing my thoughts- I know I push buttons. Just know it's really not intentional. I don't have a lot of the same boundaries or beliefs as many others do.

 

[MisterToyNYC]

Only if you're a dog.

Eric

 

[Bannister]

Cool man. Was just typing my thoughts- I know I push buttons. Just know it's really not intentional. I don't have a lot of the same boundaries or beliefs as many others do.

I thought you were looking for meaningful discussion, not just simple button pushing.(Insert three laughing smilies to mask my insecurities about truly opening up to people on the internet.)

 

[El Roranous]

I think the definition of what unconditional love really means is important to look at. To many that equates to an almost an unchanging level of love and positive regard for someone no matter what it is they are doing, have done or will do in the future. Honestly its a pretty unrealistic expectation and fairly foolish.

People, situations and everything changes. I think that one can still have genuine concern, interest and even some measure of love in the face of many issues, but that is not to say that they may or may not love them less. Kind of like that old cliche, "I love with them, I'm just not in love with them".

As a therapist I see a lot of people struggle with not loving their parents and feeling guilty or ashamed, or struggling because they still love their parents (to some extent) even though they may be toxic to one another. My belief in that is that you really can't control who in your life you are attracted to or have concern for so its better to get an understanding of some of the "whys" involved and help to normalize the conflict and to figure out what is the healthiest balance for the client. Its not uncommon to have a conflicting approach and avoidance feelings with those we "should" consider loved ones.

Your final paragraph made me think of balance, as in Yin and Yang. It flows into the belief I have that everything is very gray. Love feels like compromise and a balance act to me. There is give and take on both sides but since we are human and we do change throughout the course of our lives I feel that what was once compatible might not work so well in the future.

I tend to see people clinging to love, wanting to love, but it's almost better that they just part ways because they just don't work the way they want to work. They are incompatible. I extend this to the relationships with parents and children as well. The reason change occurs is mainly due to our environments. Heredity can take a connection so far but what a person is exposed to I believe is more relevant.

 

[Voorhees27]

Cool man. Was just typing my thoughts- I know I push buttons. Just know it's really not intentional. I don't have a lot of the same boundaries or beliefs as many others do.

I am guilty here as well ............... can I have a hug?

 

[pixletwin]

I think your thought opens the door to a disposable relationship mentality. That once you get bored with something you can cast it aside cloaked in "fancy" philosophy.

 

[El Roranous]

I am guilty here as well ............... can I have a hug?

Sure man.

 

[Anzik]

I don't think the Dahmer case is a fair example because Jeffrey was clearly a nut job.
What if his son isn't an insane cannibal? What if he is just a cold and brutal killer? There are plenty of them out there that have a total disregard for life, and the rights of others.
Again, its a bit different if the voices in your head tell you to cook the Johnsons with some linguine in Alfredo sauce than if you choose to rape and murder a child.
I love my children completely, but they are both kind and conscientious kids. If one of them turned out to be a soulless creature with no regard for anything but their own satisfaction and desire to harm, I can't say if I would still love them and its really not fair to say hypothetically I would because I can't really know. I also think that its good for a child, or anyone who is loved, to realize there are things they can do that can go too far.
The bottom line is that love can be downright unhealthy. How many women are out there with black eyes and broken arms from a man they love unconditionally? How many wives of child molesters turned a blind eye out of their 'unconditional' love. I would contend that the object of our love has a lot to do with who that person is. We certainly wouldn't choose to love a dirtbag (unless you're a crazy woman who marries men in prison) so you have to ask if you love someone or do you love the image they put forth?
If you fall in love with someone only to find out the person they let you believe they were isn't real, then you love a straw man and not an actual person.

 

[pixletwin]

If you fall in love with someone only to find out the person they let you believe they were isn't real, then you love a straw man and not an actual person.

This is probably one of the best statements in this thread.

 

[Bannister]

I voted no by the way.

 

[Voorhees27]

I voted no by the way.

Who the hell cares what you voted frozen Michael J. Fox!

 

[pixletwin]

 

[Bannister]

Who the hell cares what you voted frozen Michael J. Fox!

 

[Anzik]

Who the hell cares what you voted frozen Michael J. Fox!

Thats cold!

 

[Bannister]

Thats cold!

 

[El Roranous]

I think your thought opens the door to a disposable relationship mentality. That once you get bored with something you can cast it aside cloaked in "fancy" philosophy.

I understand what you are saying and to a certain extent I don't disagree. I don't view relationships the same way as you probably do and I probably don't view life the same way either.

I don't like to be static and I think change and growth are healthy. In context with unconditional love I think it has the possibility of being prohibiting. I don't expect things to remain the same and when they do I am very skeptical about it.

If something no longer works, then you have to decide whether or not it's worth fixing. Many times I find that the best thing for me is to move on. I hate being clingy and I love new experiences. So bored with familiarity is not too far off but I don't look at it as negatively as you put it. I think of it analytically and rationally. Once I get bored I don't just toss something aside- it usually has to be broken first. But we just may see that differently.