Question for married couples/serious relationships

[The Ween]

That's always nice...

Yeah.....it WAS!



I need a drink.....

 

[Anzik]

I have dreams about clubbing my wife.

 

[BuffyGirl]

But if you're in a seriously relationship. And you are completely in love, and would do anything for the other person...do you think that it should be even a question for A to give up clubs because B is uncomfy with A going without B? B is not saying don't go, but saying, don't go without B...go anywhere else with friends, grab a drink at dinner, etc....but clubs=not ok!

 

[Khev]

Again, so you guys don't have 100 percent trust in yourselves... Hmmm...

I may not trust myself 100% but she trusts me, and I have 100% trust in her, which is what counts. Part of us being able to trust each other so completely is that absolute knowledge that neither will ever "lose" a battle when we refuse to show up to the battlefield in the first place.

The wife and I are also really big on what kind of example we set for others. Maybe I go out and nothing happens and so a married friend thinks its no big deal, he/she goes out and does something disrespectful or inappropriate. We're all responsible for our own actions but I'll be damned if I'm actually going to make it *harder* for my friends to resist the same things I do.

 

[The Chaver]

Yeah.....it WAS!



I need a drink.....

Someone get this girl a drink! Now damn it!!

 

[Eli26]

Yeah.....it WAS!



I need a drink.....

Haven't you had enough already or this is how you are without alcohol?

 

[minivader]

does B have a reason why club is not okay?

 

[Morbach]

I personally think that if one of the couple isn't comfortable with the other one going then they should be courteous and not go.

 

[ProgMatinee]

Granted but if they never take a drink do you know they are an alcoholic or just doing the "Just in case" which is in itself implicit of a non trust relationship.

Speaking as an addict I can say there is never full recovery. Limiting your opportunities is always a wise move to try to prevent the addiction from recurring.

 

[The Mike]

Thats true, a lot of people have insecurity issues that are wholly unrelated to the trust level they have with their spouses. That doesn't make your trust in your spouse weak, its just psychology. Especially if you've been cheated on before in previous relationships. If you're able to put 100% trust in your spouse, I say you've either never been cheated on or you never found out about it. Because once being cheated on there is no 100% trust ever again.

I've been cheated on six or seven times. Only one of those was a serious two year relationship where we said the "I Love You" and the plans on getting married, etc. Did it hurt? Oh yeah. Was it difficult to get into another relationship? Yup. Is it a smart way to function? No.

I knew even in the relationship following that I had to begin to build trust, that it was a different person with different circumstances and different parameters or else I was dooming myself for failure. Living your life constantly having to keep tags on someone isn't a life at all. If you can't trust someone to go out and have fun with some friends without fear that something will happen then that is a fundamental issue with YOU not with your spouse or significant other. You are so afraid of being cheated on and having your emotions ^^^^ed with that you are on pin and needles and say "^^^^ it we can't do that anymore".

I love my wife. I can't imagine my life without her. If she cheated on me and it ended the relationship then that was what was supposed to happen, keeping her locked in a box 24-7 ain't gonna change that.

 

[Eli26]

I may not trust myself 100% but she trusts me, and I have 100% trust in her, which is what counts. Part of us being able to trust each other so completely is that absolute knowledge that neither will ever "lose" a battle when we refuse to show up to the battlefield in the first place.

The wife and I are also really big on what kind of example we set for others. Maybe I go out and nothing happens and so a married friend thinks its no big deal, he/she goes out and does something disrespectful or inappropriate. We're all responsible for our own actions but I'll be damned if I'm actually going to make it *harder* for my friends to resist the same things I do.

You need to trust yourself 100 percent in order to make this thing work and last as long as possible. It's not fair to your lady if you can't even trust yourself. I would be very worried if I was her, and rightfully so. If she has an inkling of how you feel, this could effect her trust towards you.

 

[BuffyGirl]

B feels very umcomfy about all the things that go on. A could turn their head for a second and C could slip something in A's drink. A could drink a bit too much, get flirty without really thinking about what it would do to B because alcohol has made A feel like having fun!

A has had a 'fun' past.

 

[The Ween]

I'm not attracted to the type of woman who needs/wants to go to clubs or the like. so as far as I'm concerned the question is null and void for me as I wouldn't be in the situtation in the first place. some people like to go out and do the club thing and such and some are more or less homebodies; which ever you are more power to ya.

now if you're in a relationship where the two of you are on different sides of the equation, then I would say you either need to have full trust or gtfo.

"Going clubbing" is alot of work and I'm too lazy for that now.

 

[Morbach]

Then A shouldn't go. Especially if B isn't comfortable.

 

[BuffyGirl]

I love my wife. I can't imagine my life without her. If she cheated on me and it ended the relationship then that was what was supposed to happen, keeping her locked in a box 24-7 ain't gonna change that.

There's a difference between saying..I don't feel comfy with clubs, go enjoy dinner, movies, etc...then saying, stay home! That's not putting her in a box.

 

[Khev]

So you are avoiding temptation in the guise that you are unsure, both of you, that someone wouldn't crack? The Club scene is just a template for behavior but most adulterous relationships begin in places overtly innocent like the Supermarket or the Park watching the kids....remove the club scene where people are worried about alcohol creating liquid cheaters and is the stance the same?

Yep, in fact our stance is even stronger in those instances. As you said most adulterous relationships happen between people at work, friends, etc.

 

[Trustey]

Of course the best way to avoid this is to not be in serious relationships.

Then that also takes care of the "honey can I spend 1000 dollars on a life-size Predator/Alien/Terminator head for us?" problem.

Lets face it, those kinds of wives are even harder to find than one you can trust in a club.

 

[ProgMatinee]

But if you're in a seriously relationship. And you are completely in love, and would do anything for the other person...do you think that it should be even a question for A to give up clubs because B is uncomfy with A going without B? B is not saying don't go, but saying, don't go without B...go anywhere else with friends, grab a drink at dinner, etc....but clubs=not ok!

So B is asking for A to sacrifice something. If B is worthy, then A should make the sacrifice. If A thinks the sacrifices are not worth a relationship with B, then A should end the relationship before it got to the point of marriage.

Both A and B can take comfort in knowing they didn't hurt one another just they aren't right for each other.

 

[The Ween]

Haven't you had enough already or this is how you are without alcohol?

How am I?

btw.....you got a new girlfriend already? You work fast!

 

[BuffyGirl]

A has almost no problem with complying. But A is moving to LA and wants to try the club scene. A will be there for 4 months while B stays behind. A explains that 'A' can't help if the occasional night out at a club happens. Because it's what A's roommates might wanna do. A wont go often, but may still go.