Question for married couples/serious relationships

[The Mike]

B feels very umcomfy about all the things that go on. A could turn their head for a second and C could slip something in A's drink. A could drink a bit too much, get flirty without really thinking about what it would do to B because alcohol has made A feel like having fun!

A has had a 'fun' past.

Here is the thing it all comes down to "fun past". That is the fear of old pattern reemerging sometimes with the help of alcohol. Most people cite the other reasons as concrete to help firm up their arguments but that usually has little to do with it. Most girls especially never let go of their drink for that fear and I would say that thanks to the media that fear is pretty well contained with a lot of people not even accepting drinks unless it is poured in front of them. Those are the kind of things that you remind of like "Look both ways before crossing the street" not things that keep you from being somewhere.

 

[mr.thrifty]

B feels very umcomfy about all the things that go on. A could turn their head for a second and C could slip something in A's drink. A could drink a bit too much, get flirty without really thinking about what it would do to B because alcohol has made A feel like having fun!

A has had a 'fun' past.

Hmmmm.....did "A" tell "B" "it" wasn't a "fun" person anymore?

 

[Shropt]

I'll put it this way. I only went to a club for 1 of 2 reasons, drugs and women. I didn't go for fun, drinking, or to hang with friends. Take that for what its worth.

 

[Eli26]

B feels very umcomfy about all the things that go on. A could turn their head for a second and C could slip something in A's drink. A could drink a bit too much, get flirty without really thinking about what it would do to B because alcohol has made A feel like having fun!

A has had a 'fun' past.

You need to stop worrying or let the past be the future. Problem is you're overthinking and analyzing the situation to death. Your playing a movie that hasn't happened or may not even happen. If you're relating past incidents with what could happen in the future.... 1. Leave the past, where it belongs. In the past. Live in the NOW. Too many of us relate the future with the past, ignoring the present altogether. It's not fair to you, your partner, or to the relationship you two have with eachother. It's also not healthy, and creates stress that is silly in this posters opinion, because nothing has happened.

You can only control so much. Don't stress yourself out. All I got to say is if you love this person, and this person loves you... you need to be able to trust yourselves. Trust is HUGE. I can't stress without trust, there is no relationship.

 

[Darth Snoopy]

My ex-boyfriend liked it when I went out with the girls because I always stopped at his house later half corked and horny as hell.

Trust is obviously important, but that doesn't mean you should test the trust or test the relationship.

If you are truly secure in your relationship, then you wouldn't have the desire to go to clubs alone' which I think would create a shadow of a doubt in a lot of people.

A having trust in B is crucial, but B should respect A and not put that trust to test.

Well said.

So far there have been some valid points. I don't need to repeat except to say that trust & respect are key in any serious relationship.

Anywho, just ask yourself...What would Al do?

 

[ProgMatinee]

Imagine this problem, person A is an addict and person B hates the addiction. Person A lied and told person B they can change. Person B fell for it. Now person A gets caught in the lie years later.

What do you do there?

 

[Kabukiman]

B feels very umcomfy about all the things that go on. A could turn their head for a second and C could slip something in A's drink. A could drink a bit too much, get flirty without really thinking about what it would do to B because alcohol has made A feel like having fun!

A has had a 'fun' past.

My brain hurts. If A is in a position to get something slipped in her drink by C, then A needs to reassess her safety situation.

 

[Anzik]

Are A&B able to go out together?
If A&B work different shifts, or one is away on business, or going to school in another state, etc etc and they can't go out together, thats going to change the dynamic.
B needs express those concerns to A yet be prepared for backlash. A may think B doesn't trust them, B needs to be open to the possibility that B DOESN'T trust A or is maybe harboring lingering trust issues, and B needs to be aware that A may feel they are missing out on something and that B is smothering them.
A should respect B's major concerns and if they don't that says something.

 

[The Chaver]

"Going clubbing" is alot of work and I'm too lazy for that now.

Yeah it is. Which is why my old ass (32) hasn't gone "clubbing" in years. I don't even think I could do it anymore. Now a little get together, or a small party once in a while is A-okay with me AND the misses.

 

[Eli26]

I already hate this thread. It all comes down to trust.

So simple.

 

[The Mike]

Yep, in fact our stance is even stronger in those instances. As you said most adulterous relationships happen between people at work, friends, etc.

Interesting. I want to probe further into this but it'd be off topic.

Of course the best way to avoid this is to not be in serious relationships. Then that also takes care of the "honey can I spend 1000 dollars on a life-size Predator/Alien/Terminator head for us?" problem. Lets face it, those kinds of wives are even harder to find than one you can trust in a club.

Bull^^^^. Plan and simple bull^^^^. I've been collecting for my entire almost five year marriage and spent thousand dollars here and two hundred there. She has spent her share of cash too. I don't ask permission, I say that its something I want and need to budget it in, she does the same when its something she wants. My wife wasn't always a fan of my collecting, she wasn't a fan of me spending money especially when we were first dating but she understood it was a part of who I am and not only has accepted it, fueled it with gifts and such but also become just as excited when I get something new because she sees it as a part of who I am. That was an important conversation to have before we got married about non-negotiables and we've never looked back.

 

[Trustey]

Interesting. I want to probe further into this but it'd be off topic.



Bull^^^^. Plan and simple bull^^^^. I've been collecting for my entire almost five year marriage and spent thousand dollars here and two hundred there. She has spent her share of cash too. I don't ask permission, I say that its something I want and need to budget it in, she does the same when its something she wants. My wife wasn't always a fan of my collecting, she wasn't a fan of me spending money especially when we were first dating but she understood it was a part of who I am and not only has accepted it, fueled it with gifts and such but also become just as excited when I get something new because she sees it as a part of who I am. That was an important conversation to have before we got married about non-negotiables and we've never looked back.

Yes. And every woman is just like your wife.

 

[Khev]

You need to trust yourself 100 percent in order to make this thing work and last as long as possible. It's not fair to your lady if you can't even trust yourself. I would be very worried if I was her, and rightfully so. If she has an inkling of how you feel, this could effect her trust towards you.

Maybe we having two different meanings of "trusting yourself." I trust myself that I'll never cheat. Ever. And part of the reason I do is because I refuse to play the game of putting myself in a situation where *better men than me* have failed. Its not like I think that if I got chummy with lady friends or at a club that it'd be like a 50/50 chance of me cheating on my wife. Hell no. More like 1 in a billion. I just like 0 in a billion odds better.

 

[The Mike]

I already hate this thread. It all comes down to trust.
So simple.

I have to agree. The Club aspect is just a scenario and people dodge it by saying "We just don't go to clubs" or "I'm too old for clubs", etc. It comes down to what to do if you are or they are not completely trusting and is this abnormal. I would have thought yes in standard practice but after reading a lot of these responses the majority thought is that non trust and trust issues seem to be common practice amongst the FREAKS.

 

[Eli26]

BuffyGirl, what have you brought upon us?! Darn you and this thread!!!

 

[The Mike]

Yes. And every woman is just like your wife.

as much as I love my wife and she'll probably see this, she isn't unique in that sense. If you find someone who seriously can't deal with the fact that you've been collecting before you got with them and probably will after, that is a red flag about how that person treats boundaries and personality conflicts. Plain and simple you just haven't been looking at the right women yet.

 

[BuffyGirl]

I already hate this thread. It all comes down to trust.

So simple.

We all heard you Eli...you can stop saying it now...


A has given up fun past. B and A can go together soon, but once A goes to LA for 4 months, again, A and B cannot go together. B is not restricting A from going out and having fun, etc. Just asking, as a favor to B because it actually upsets B, and hurts B...to not go to clubs till A and B can be together again. B doesn't mind if A goes with friends, has a drink, etc. Clubs are a different story. At least they are to B. They may not be to some of you freaks, but to the B freak, it's a big deal. The question isn't really about 'clubs' it's about...should, if it wont hurt the other half, should that one agree to not do something, within reason for the other so that they don't hurt, or aren't upset? I think so. Because if you're in love, there is nothing you wont do for your better half

Wow that part was confusing at the end.

What I mean is...if it isn't hurting A to give it up, shouldn't A if it's good for the relationship, and for B when B is most important to A?

 

[Trustey]

I have to agree. The Club aspect is just a scenario and people dodge it by saying "We just don't go to clubs" or "I'm too old for clubs", etc. It comes down to what to do if you are or they are not completely trusting and is this abnormal. I would have thought yes in standard practice but after reading a lot of these responses the majority thought is that non trust and trust issues seem to be common practice amongst the FREAKS.

You are right there. Except this is not a problem with amongst Freaks, its a problem with most people in the world today.

Fess up, you are lucky and you know it.

 

[Eli26]

We all heard you Eli...you can stop saying it now...


A has given up fun past. B and A can go together soon, but once A goes to LA for 4 months, again, A and B cannot go together. B is not restricting A from going out and having fun, etc. Just asking, as a favor to B because it actually upsets B, and hurts B...to not go to clubs till A and B can be together again. B doesn't mind if A goes with friends, has a drink, etc. Clubs are a different story. At least they are to B. They may not be to some of you freaks, but to the B freak, it's a big deal. The question isn't really about 'clubs' it's about...should, if it wont hurt the other half, should that one agree to not do something, within reason for the other so that they don't hurt, or aren't upset? I think so. Because if you're in love, there is nothing you wont do for your better half

OH GOOD GOD NO MORE A, B, C SCENARIOS!

NOOOOOO!!!

*hits head on desk*

This is why women make men nuts! Cause of their crazy logic.

KEEERRRRRAAAAZZZZZZAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

 

[Trustey]

as much as I love my wife and she'll probably see this, she isn't unique in that sense. If you find someone who seriously can't deal with the fact that you've been collecting before you got with them and probably will after, that is a red flag about how that person treats boundaries and personality conflicts. Plain and simple you just haven't been looking at the right women yet.

Well my "test" is when they walk around the corner from the bathroom in the middle of the night and bump square into Wolf "smiling" at them

LOLOLOL.