Question for married couples/serious relationships

[Eli26]

Yeah dows ef'n robots shood have brokened my brain bye nowz.



STFU Eli.

Oh you know I was kidding. It could have been much worse, it could have come from someone from Calgary.

 

[Chimera 1]

I'm gonna be real good with this one.

 

[Voorhees27]

Oh you know I was kidding. It could have been much worse, it could have come from someone from Calgary.

So? You feeling better now?

 

[Eli26]

So? You feeling better now?

A little bit. Just as long as there are no more ABC scenarios. I am back to sanity!

 

[Darth Snoopy]

Don't laugh. You only make it easier for him to post more... fellow Gwen fan... you hurt me.

What was i thinking.

Here's a Gwen pic for you!

 

[Eli26]

What was i thinking.

Here's a Gwen pic for you!

Good god I need to get back to that guy! So we can get our busts made!

P.S. That's hot!

 

[da Bronx Commando]

After reading all 10 pages of this thread I feel I HAVE to throw my 2 cents in. First off, let me state that I have been married now for going on 11 years. Back when we were dating, my wife went to a club with her friends and had a terrible time, so she doesn't go without me. BUT, she has no problems when I go out to celebrate friends' birthdays and such. Trust is the major issue here. I also think that age may be a factor here. Us thirty-somethings are ok just going out to dinner and getting sme drinks. That was boring in our twenties. So, if you are not ready to ease up on the club scene than maybe its not really time for a sreious relationship. It also seems to me that the person who wants to go to clubs with friends for the 4 months separated wants the best of both worlds for those 4 months. You are ether committed, or not. Seems like the whole while the cats away scenario. I mean, if you can control yourself when the other is around, you should be able to control yourself when separated as well. Well, maybe more than 2 cents, but that's how I feel about it.

 

[Mikey2Bullets]

no clubs. neither of us have friends, cause the other is too jealous. what my wife and i do is usually pick up a hooker, usually one of those trailer park girls who have daddy/weird uncle issues, not those toothless crack heads you see "tryin tas gets paid" down at hunts point....they usually have weapons. sometimes it's one of those young college chicks who think their bisexual cause it's the cool thing to do. we get them drunk or whatever.....take em out to the woods, beat their heads in with a pre positioned shovel. then have sex with the warm body on top of an old colonial rock wall whilst it wears canvass sack on it's head. we use them to practice kama-sutra positions by torch light. the best part, the canvass sack has a big yellow smiley face on it.

but seriously, if your S.O. is doing something that makes you jealous, worry,uncomfortable, or behave out of the norm in order to get even....there's a problem that will only get worse. no relationship can work if one side, the other, or both have trust/comfort issues. if you want something long term, you have to be so comfortable with that person you FEEL you can do/say anything around them and they'll accept it and vice versa.

that doesn't mean you SHOULD do anything and vice versa. there's certain things that are just rude, inappropriate, or uncalled for. i can pick by nose and rub it on my wife's bare thigh, will she be mad? maybe. will it ruin the marriage? no. but it's still impolite.

there's a point in there somewhere, hopefully i'm making sense.

 

[Darth Snoopy]

Good god I need to get back to that guy! So we can get our busts made!

P.S. That's hot!

You're still here?!? Contact that guy!

 

[ProgMatinee]

thats true, the difference between what I would do in a club at 21 is much different than now at 31.

 

[mr.thrifty]

Don't laugh. You only make it easier for him to post more...
btw mr. thriftty... it depends if they shave or not I guess. *shudders*

Okay, I grossed myself out now. Damn! See what this thread has done! IT'S EEEEEEEVIL! E-E-E-E-E-E-E.. EVIL!

sooo.."A" would be up for experimenting with "B" as long as "B" was shaved in the right spots? "B" might just be right for "A" if "A" would let "B" be with "A" for a day.

A little bit. Just as long as there are no more ABC scenarios. I am back to sanity!

 

[The Mike]

I'm gonna be real good with this one.

A woman after my own heart.

 

[Eli26]

sooo.."A" would be up for experimenting with "B" as long as "B" was shaved in the right spots? "B" might just be right for "A" if "A" would let "B" be with "A" for a day.

You just had to do it.



*goes back to curling in tight ball again*

 

[Trustey]

We all heard you Eli...you can stop saying it now...


A has given up fun past. B and A can go together soon, but once A goes to LA for 4 months, again, A and B cannot go together. B is not restricting A from going out and having fun, etc. Just asking, as a favor to B because it actually upsets B, and hurts B...to not go to clubs till A and B can be together again. B doesn't mind if A goes with friends, has a drink, etc. Clubs are a different story. At least they are to B. They may not be to some of you freaks, but to the B freak, it's a big deal. The question isn't really about 'clubs' it's about...should, if it wont hurt the other half, should that one agree to not do something, within reason for the other so that they don't hurt, or aren't upset? I think so. Because if you're in love, there is nothing you wont do for your better half

Wow that part was confusing at the end.

What I mean is...if it isn't hurting A to give it up, shouldn't A if it's good for the relationship, and for B when B is most important to A?

"OK, insert Rod 'A' into Rod Support 'B'."
"That's what she-"
"If you say 'That's what she said' one more time, I'm gonna pop you."
Family Guy

 

[automaton]

sounds like B is missing some of the best parts about being in the "right" relationship... trust and respect... if you love something, set it free.

besides... in all seriousness... Los Angeles has just as much action going down at the local grocery store or dog park...

 

[Skiman]

Hey now... you read every page of this thread and tell me if your sanity is still in place. I dare you Darth Snoopy. I double Snoopy dog dare yeah!

Almost there, I can make it, I know I can...

 

[Skiman]

I can only give you my opinions based on my observations and experiences, nothing more or less. No offense intended obviously.

1) If two people have differing value structures, then, for the most part, the relationship, if the desire is a long term commitment, will rarely work out and anything done until then is to delay the inevitable. Values include views on marriage, views on having kids, views on religion, views on how to raise children, views on sex, views on fidelity and especially views on finances. Too much deviation between two people's views on those and it's often a recipe for failure.

2) Sort of ignoring your A & B hypothetical, no offense, I generally feel that if the two people are both under the age of 25, there is no almost no point in getting into a long term relationship. There would also be no point in getting into a long distance relationship. The person you are with at 22, odds are, it's probably close to 100 percent chance you will not be with them by age 32.

3) As for the raw concepts of "trust" and "insecurity" as factors in situations like this, often I would chalk that up ( and this just me ) as pure shaming language. If you pick someone of good character, the rest takes care of itself. People show you their character over time. Do they do the right thing when no one is looking? Do they do the wrong thing then find a way to justify it? Do they always or never take accountability for their own behavior and choices? Do they make a choice, that is what you consider a moral choice, even if it's to their detriment?

Too often people justify their behavior and the behavior of those around them and suddenly feel like the person has changed one day. No, they didn't change. People just stopped justifying their crappy behavior. There is zero point in being in a relationship of any kind, romantic or friendship or friendly acquaintance, with someone of poor character. If you are a person of poor character ( I am not saying you are or are not) then you will probably draw in other people of poor character around you. And every relationship you have will be doomed from the start to fail. You won't be able to trust them and, no offense, they will have no reason to trust you. If you are a person of good character ( I am not saying you are or are not) then you will probably draw in other people of good character around you. Then every relationship you get into has a fighting chance. It's always easy to see what you are by looking at your life. Do you surround yourself with good character people? Or do you surround yourself with people of questionable character? We are judged by the company we keep for a reason.

If there's one thing I've learned about women over time, it's that they rarely come at something directly. Mostly I find it's because most women fear social shame or judgment or just want to hear what they want to hear. So I have no idea if whatever you asked in this thread is even the real issue or relevant to your real issue, no offense. All I can say is if you are under the age of 25, odds are, IMHO, your best bet is to break up, stay single, figure out who you are, a career you like, hobbies you enjoy, get your education in order if that applies and travel the world a little and garner some life experience. Every minute you spend in relationships where you aren't in a good place emotionally ( not saying you are or are not) is a minute wasted where you could be getting right with yourself for you. Every minute you spend in relationships where there is no future to them and you are past college age ( probably 22 or 23) is a minute wasted in your prime years to attract the best long term mate possible ( if that is your goal)

The issues of going to a club or not don't tell anyone here much to be honest, well in my eyes. It does however potentially say something about your ability to choose well in relationships. It's a lot easier to point out someone with a differing value structure as flawed than it is to accept that you/we chose them in the first place and that choosing them says something about us and our characters.

So I won't say it's about "trust issues", I would say odds are, you and this person choose poorly ( if it's any consolation, most people do. I know I have. I would take a guess most people here have as well) and folks with differing values ( and I'm not assigning bad or good to those values) that are hard to live with probably shouldn't be together romantically.

In the end, you are probably going to do what you want to do anyway.

Good luck to you, whatever your choice may be, but odds are you've already made your decision before you even posted this thread,

Gekko

This ^^ is right on. Not only the age factor because it's very rare for two around that age to make it long term but the part where the two ppl are different.

I.... chose poorly with my last ex gf and wasted 1.5 years and I was lucky that it was only that. I realized that I lowered my standards for this person, I realize that the future was not goin to work for us with marriage, kids, goals, just two many differences...

6 months later I met her, the chosen one Everything I ever believed in and we agree on almost everything with the way our lives are goin together and of course my hobby is tryn on her but like The Mike was saying she does respect that it is a part of who I am and even she is getting into my next PF's, Com's, Dio's, etc. We are engaged and getting married this Oct.

As for the club scene, if this helps you out any... with my ex I didn't trust her at all, she was a moron and made poor choices. She had misguided friends that also made poor choices and weren't the most educated group. Now on the other hand my fiancee is the complete opposite of that. She makes wise decisions and she's super intelligent, I am a lucky guy to have brains and beauty on me end and heck... she puts up with me So my fiancee now can do anything she wants and I'm not the slightest bit worried about her hanging with her friends at clubs. She knows what she has with me and I'm confident that she would never do anything to jeopardize that and the same goes with me. We are both lucky to have found each other.

 

[Kibishii]

We both outgrew the club scene while we were still single. The national divorce rate is 50% and we don't plan to be a statistic. No "meat market" settings if we aren't together. Period.

Both of us hate going to clubs so we are fine.

Same boat here, neither of us are very social outside of close family and I burnt myself out of clubs back when I was in my early college years. Personally, I probably wouldn't like her going out to a club because I really see a club as being more for singles. She DOES go out a few times a month with the other moms from our son's playgroup and stays out really late.

Honestly, you have to decide what you want out of your relationship and how important going to a club is for you. If you AREN"T married, this is the time to reflect on each other because people won't change and if someone doesn't go to a club because the other person FORCED them not to, that is just going to cause resentment. I would say if one person does not want the other person to go to a club, find a compromise. Maybe say that a club make you uncomfortable, but you wouldn't have any problem with them going out to the movies, out for coffee, or dinner. /shrug

 

[Trustey]

One question how do you get laid and have your chicken pot pies and beers brung to you if your woman is out clubbing?

 

[mkcc30]

I can only give you my opinions based on my observations and experiences, nothing more or less. No offense intended obviously.

1) If two people have differing value structures, then, for the most part, the relationship, if the desire is a long term commitment, will rarely work out and anything done until then is to delay the inevitable. Values include views on marriage, views on having kids, views on religion, views on how to raise children, views on sex, views on fidelity and especially views on finances. Too much deviation between two people's views on those and it's often a recipe for failure.

2) Sort of ignoring your A & B hypothetical, no offense, I generally feel that if the two people are both under the age of 25, there is no almost no point in getting into a long term relationship. There would also be no point in getting into a long distance relationship. The person you are with at 22, odds are, it's probably close to 100 percent chance you will not be with them by age 32.

3) As for the raw concepts of "trust" and "insecurity" as factors in situations like this, often I would chalk that up ( and this just me ) as pure shaming language. If you pick someone of good character, the rest takes care of itself. People show you their character over time. Do they do the right thing when no one is looking? Do they do the wrong thing then find a way to justify it? Do they always or never take accountability for their own behavior and choices? Do they make a choice, that is what you consider a moral choice, even if it's to their detriment?

Too often people justify their behavior and the behavior of those around them and suddenly feel like the person has changed one day. No, they didn't change. People just stopped justifying their crappy behavior. There is zero point in being in a relationship of any kind, romantic or friendship or friendly acquaintance, with someone of poor character. If you are a person of poor character ( I am not saying you are or are not) then you will probably draw in other people of poor character around you. And every relationship you have will be doomed from the start to fail. You won't be able to trust them and, no offense, they will have no reason to trust you. If you are a person of good character ( I am not saying you are or are not) then you will probably draw in other people of good character around you. Then every relationship you get into has a fighting chance. It's always easy to see what you are by looking at your life. Do you surround yourself with good character people? Or do you surround yourself with people of questionable character? We are judged by the company we keep for a reason.

If there's one thing I've learned about women over time, it's that they rarely come at something directly. Mostly I find it's because most women fear social shame or judgment or just want to hear what they want to hear. So I have no idea if whatever you asked in this thread is even the real issue or relevant to your real issue, no offense. All I can say is if you are under the age of 25, odds are, IMHO, your best bet is to break up, stay single, figure out who you are, a career you like, hobbies you enjoy, get your education in order if that applies and travel the world a little and garner some life experience. Every minute you spend in relationships where you aren't in a good place emotionally ( not saying you are or are not) is a minute wasted where you could be getting right with yourself for you. Every minute you spend in relationships where there is no future to them and you are past college age ( probably 22 or 23) is a minute wasted in your prime years to attract the best long term mate possible ( if that is your goal)

The issues of going to a club or not don't tell anyone here much to be honest, well in my eyes. It does however potentially say something about your ability to choose well in relationships. It's a lot easier to point out someone with a differing value structure as flawed than it is to accept that you/we chose them in the first place and that choosing them says something about us and our characters.

So I won't say it's about "trust issues", I would say odds are, you and this person choose poorly ( if it's any consolation, most people do. I know I have. I would take a guess most people here have as well) and folks with differing values ( and I'm not assigning bad or good to those values) that are hard to live with probably shouldn't be together romantically.

In the end, you are probably going to do what you want to do anyway.

Good luck to you, whatever your choice may be, but odds are you've already made your decision before you even posted this thread,

Gekko

I hate to quote such an exhaustive (albeit very accurate) response but Gekko as usual is dead on right!
My wife and I have been married 10 years and 9 of those have been with child(ren) and it would have NEVER lasted if we were "unequally yoked" as it where.