What's the point of Marriage?

[El Roranous]

Well, here is my .02 cents. I have been with my girlfriend for 11 years now. Happy as can be and no sign of a wedding in sight. We have talked about it a few times but it never went past that. We have a house (no kids) and a separate joint bank account to pay for our "together" stuff and our own accounts to pay for our own stuff. I don't see how a pice of paper is going to change how we act or feel about each other.

I am right there with you. In fact I applaud your choices. I want it to be the same way with my GF and I. We're getting there.

 

[El Roranous]

This thread is much more heated than when I left it....


...so I say, marriage for some, tiny American flags for others!

Really, heated? I am not mad and I hope no one else is either. Just a friendly discussion I say.

It's been nice seeing and hearing about how others feel. It's knowledge and that's always helpful.

 

[The Craw]

this thread is hillarious. full of pushy people trying to justify marriage and push rory into the deed. DON'T LISTEN TO THEM RORY!!" stick to your guns man. i love the comments about anybody who doesnt want to be married is young and scared. im going into my 30's and i dont weant to be married. all my friends got married almost 10 years ago. so i wouldnt say im too young. and im not scared. if anything im wise. i saw myself getting married when i was younger but fortunately i wised up. i guess it was watching all my friends become miserable after they tied the knot. ive lost touch with most of them. it seems every time i wanted to hang out or do something they couldnt because they needed to do something the wife wanted to do. ahh. the joys of marriage. sign me up.

 

[occulum]

I do 100% support SEPARATE bank accounts.
We pick which bills each pays and dont mix our $$$.

 

[BadMoon]

I do 100% support SEPARATE bank accounts.
We pick which bills each pays and dont mix our $$$.

Makes it a mute point when I want to blow my money on collectibles.

 

[The Craw]

I do 100% support SEPARATE bank accounts.
We pick which bills each pays and dont mix our $$$.

actually this works. i know a couple i work with who do this. they keep their own money and when it comes time to pay bills and the mortgage they both pay half. it works out great for them and they are one of the few married couples i know who are actually happy.

 

[barbelith]

I have a feeling though that you are going to say marriage is about love. Well, sure but not really.

Yes, really.

We live in a culture that has a vehicle to express that in an unmistakable form. Your argument is like pretending driving a car has nothing to do with driving a car just because you need to get a license to do so. That's silly. The rarity of prenuptial contracts shows how divorced (pardon the pun) marriage is from a contractual agreement.

I would never try to convince someone they need to marry. Especially someone who clearly doesn't understand what marriage is and is caught up in a series of unhealthy myths. That's a recipe for disaster.

I'm going to guess you're fairly young. Maybe shortly out of college, since that seems fresh enough in your mind to reference professors rather than forgetting them. Most people that age have never had a long-term relationship (let's say a minimum of five years). You don't need to worry about marriage right now. Eventually there will come a point where it just feels right to you. Or perhaps you agree to get married because the alternative is your lover ending the relationship. Or perhaps you find someone who also doesn't care to marry, just in case she changes her mind about you and wants to chase after the next shiny object. It doesn't really matter. Nobody can sell you on marriage and I certainly don't expect to convince you on an Internet message board.

But as far as I can see from your posts, the problem isn't marriage. It's your inaccurate view of what marriage is and why people enter into them. You seem fairly preoccupied with contracts and money and prenuptial agreements, which makes me suspect (perhaps wrongly) that you fear marriage; your comment about your mother suggests you came from a severely dysfunctional marriage and that has likely influenced (at least subconsciously) your perspective. Now maybe someone here will volunteer that they married for money or religion or any of the other reasons you propose.

I am willing to bet the vast majority of people here will tell you they married for love, and that they don't see marriage as a contractual obligation nor have an escape route planned out because they worry it could collapse. Provided that's the consensus of the forum ... would that change your mind in any way? If your answer is no, we have proof positive you are clinging to myths and rejecting reality.

 

[lcummins]

Makes it a mute point when I want to blow my money on collectibles.

So no one talks about it? Or did you mean moot point?

 

[BadMoon]

So no one talks about it? Or did you mean moot point?

Damn internet police always bringing me down.

 

[barbelith]

Really, heated? I am not mad and I hope no one else is either. Just a friendly discussion I say.

Yes. Everyone seems very nice!

this thread is hillarious. full of pushy people trying to justify marriage and push rory into the deed.

Has anyone tried to push him into marriage? I think you'll find those of us who think marriage is a positive thing have supported him doing what he wants.

i guess it was watching all my friends become miserable after they tied the knot.

I submit unhappy marriages are not indicative of marriage as an institution any more than the abuses of the George W Bush presidency are indicative of democracy as an institution.

 

[praxitas]

Damn internet police always bringing me down.

The wife and I have separate accounts as well. She would go F'n insane with the way I keep up with my checkbook or lack thereof...

 

[El Roranous]

Yes, really.

We live in a culture that has a vehicle to express that in an unmistakable form. Your argument is like pretending driving a car has nothing to do with driving a car just because you need to get a license to do so. That's silly. The rarity of prenuptial contracts shows how divorced (pardon the pun) marriage is from a contractual agreement.

I would never try to convince someone they need to marry. Especially someone who clearly doesn't understand what marriage is and is caught up in a series of unhealthy myths. That's a recipe for disaster.

I'm going to guess you're fairly young. Maybe shortly out of college, since that seems fresh enough in your mind to reference professors rather than forgetting them. Most people that age have never had a long-term relationship (let's say a minimum of five years). You don't need to worry about marriage right now. Eventually there will come a point where it just feels right to you. Or perhaps you agree to get married because the alternative is your lover ending the relationship. Or perhaps you find someone who also doesn't care to marry, just in case she changes her mind about you and wants to chase after the next shiny object. It doesn't really matter. Nobody can sell you on marriage and I certainly don't expect to convince you on an Internet message board.

But as far as I can see from your posts, the problem isn't marriage. It's your inaccurate view of what marriage is and why people enter into them. You seem fairly preoccupied with contracts and money and prenuptial agreements, which makes me suspect (perhaps wrongly) that you fear marriage; your comment about your mother suggests you came from a several dysfunctional marriage and that has likely influenced (at least subconsciously) your perspective. Now maybe someone here will volunteer that they married for money or religion or any of the other reasons you propose.

I am willing to bet the vast majority of people here will tell you they married for love, and that they don't see marriage as a contractual obligation nor have an escape route planned out because they worry it could collapse. Provided that's the consensus of the forum ... would that change your mind in any way? If your answer is no, we have proof positive you are clinging to myths and rejecting reality.

The reality is I don't think either of us are 100% wrong or right. You obviously have a very romantic view of marriage which it can be but you can't have marriage without the contract which brings in my side. I don't think my age has anything to do with whether or not I want to get married or believe in it, as I said before it's all about experience. I have been in a solid relationship for 8 years now and for 6 of those years we have lived together. If she wanted to get married then I would show her the door.

If a person didn't have a thought about what if their marriage doesn't work out or about anything legal regarding that contract then they are truly ignorant and setting themselves up for disaster. The contract is part of the act. It has ramifications if broken and you better believe that should strike fear into the hearts of any person who enters it lightly. It's not just about love as you think. If it were then we wouldn't have so many unhappy people in loveless marriages. Why did they jump without reading the fine print?

 

[Darth Loki]

I love you Rory

 

[occulum]

So no one talks about it? Or did you mean moot point?

in my house? both!

 

[The Craw]

I submit unhappy marriages are not indicative of marriage as an institution any more than the abuses of the George W Bush presidency are indicative of democracy as an institution.

well, you made a valid comparison there.

 

[DarkArtist81]

I do 100% support SEPARATE bank accounts.
We pick which bills each pays and dont mix our $$$.

Same here. It's easier to me..

As for Marriage, I think it works... But it's not easy. I mean, my Wife has almost left me a few times... simply because she thought that I would be happier without her (crazy idea, I know, but it's her insecurities at work).

The bottom line is to make sure you are happy with how your life is. It really doesn't matter what a legal document says about your "status", in life we all choose our friends and lovers... we choose whether or not to stay with them... and that's always been the way it is. A certificate that states that you are "together" really doesn't mean anything alone, it's the emotional and sometimes religious aspects that we imbue them with.

We do it because it's part of our culture... plain and simple. People get married because it's been happening for countless years down our bloodlines, it's just as expected as going to school or wearing clothing, it's a cultural thing.... The interesting thing about our modern society is that people now choose what culture they want to follow, they choose to be religious or not...to marry or not... to have children or not. It's our fundamental human right to be free to choose, and it's nice to see society more relaxed about those who go against the grain.

 

[El Roranous]

I love you Rory

Marry me?

 

[El Roranous]

Same here. It's easier to me..

As for Marriage, I think it works... But it's not easy. I mean, my Wife has almost left me a few times... simply because she thought that I would be happier without her (crazy idea, I know, but it's her insecurities at work).

The bottom line is to make sure you are happy with how your life is. It really doesn't matter what a legal document says about your "status", in life we all choose our friends and lovers... we choose whether or not to stay with them... and that's always been the way it is. A certificate that states that you are "together" really doesn't mean anything alone, it's the emotional and sometimes religious aspects that we imbue them with.

We do it because it's part of our culture... plain and simple. People get married because it's been happening for countless years down our bloodlines, it's just as expected as going to school or wearing clothing, it's a cultural thing.... The interesting thing about our modern society is that people now choose what culture they want to follow, they choose to be religious or not...to marry or not... to have children or not. It's our fundamental human right to be free to choose, and it's nice to see society more relaxed about those who go against the grain.

It is against the grain. But not wanting to get married or have children is still like me screaming from the rooftops that I am gay. Or maybe wanting to bring home my black girlfriend to meet the family. These things are "accepted" but still highly frowned upon. More behind closed doors than overtly but still it ain't easy being cheesy and tricks are still just for kids.

Times have changed but we have a long way to go before there is no social consequences for just being different and wanting untraditional things.

 

[BadMoon]

I love you Rory

Maybe you guys could get married.

 

[DarkArtist81]

It is against the grain. But not wanting to get married or have children is still like me screaming from the rooftops that I am gay. Or maybe wanting to bring home my black girlfriend to meet the family. These things are accepted but still highly frowned upon. More behind closed doors than overtly but still it ain't easy being cheesy and tricks are still just for kids.

It's true... And I hate that people are like that. I wish we could just let some of our insecurities die, so we can move on as a people.

I applaud your choice, it takes guts to say that and to stick to your guns.